Distancing myself...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
Distancing myself...
I've been distancing myself from AH emotionally. It's not been to hard for me because we've lived together as roommates for the most part. He however is still in denial and is offended that I'm distant to him.
I guess this is just a rant because most of the people I know don't "get it" and this is one of the only places I feel comfortable saying something. Most of the people in our lives don't know what all he's done to us and they themselves have been raised in similiar situations that I'm getting out of, so they view us as "normal".
It just irks me that he's still playing house during the short stints he's home, but views it as okay to show up at 2, 3, 4, 5 in the morning. He stays up all night (even when he's not working), sleeps til noon and they is gone by 2. He usually manages to come back to shower before he's gone again until the wee hours of the morning.
I've come to realize this as abnormal behavior, not what you would do if you loved someone. This is why I can't believe him when he tells me he loves me, his actions don't show what his mouth is saying. I think it's all BS.
So, I guess all of this is what's making me so irritated with him right now. He has the nerve to tell me I'm acting snappy and being mean to him, when he does all of this BS. Really, this gone all the time stuff is just the tip of the iceberg...the other stuff is much worse that he's done in the past.
It's making it easier for me to untangle myself from him.
I guess this is just a rant because most of the people I know don't "get it" and this is one of the only places I feel comfortable saying something. Most of the people in our lives don't know what all he's done to us and they themselves have been raised in similiar situations that I'm getting out of, so they view us as "normal".
It just irks me that he's still playing house during the short stints he's home, but views it as okay to show up at 2, 3, 4, 5 in the morning. He stays up all night (even when he's not working), sleeps til noon and they is gone by 2. He usually manages to come back to shower before he's gone again until the wee hours of the morning.
I've come to realize this as abnormal behavior, not what you would do if you loved someone. This is why I can't believe him when he tells me he loves me, his actions don't show what his mouth is saying. I think it's all BS.
So, I guess all of this is what's making me so irritated with him right now. He has the nerve to tell me I'm acting snappy and being mean to him, when he does all of this BS. Really, this gone all the time stuff is just the tip of the iceberg...the other stuff is much worse that he's done in the past.
It's making it easier for me to untangle myself from him.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
It's making it easier for me to untangle myself from him.
Yes, when I backed up, I could see how crazy it was for me, and hurtful.
It takes time and distance.
You are doing well, inahaze.
Beth
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Good work InaHaze!
Stepping back and watching is an amazing tool to protect out sanity. It helped me to realize that all the stuff coming out of his mouth was his stuff. I didn't have to listen to it, believe, or argue with him about it.
I have focused only on the actions for the last 4-5 months... And they spoke loudly. Hell, they screamed.... "I don't care about this marriage enough to work on it or even respect you!!! I want what I want and if I don't get it, I will use every form of manipulation I know to break you!!!!"
Funny thing is, he would never actually those words, but that's exactly what he was doing. Keep watching the action and there you will see what he really is telling you!
Stepping back and watching is an amazing tool to protect out sanity. It helped me to realize that all the stuff coming out of his mouth was his stuff. I didn't have to listen to it, believe, or argue with him about it.
I have focused only on the actions for the last 4-5 months... And they spoke loudly. Hell, they screamed.... "I don't care about this marriage enough to work on it or even respect you!!! I want what I want and if I don't get it, I will use every form of manipulation I know to break you!!!!"
Funny thing is, he would never actually those words, but that's exactly what he was doing. Keep watching the action and there you will see what he really is telling you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Shasta, CA
Posts: 91
It doesn't take long, after you finally "step back", to see the truth. and you are right, that is not normal behavior, of someone who loves someone. When you do love someone it comes natural, you don't have to "say" anything. A's don't love themselves, they can't love you.
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