CanfixONLYme

Hi everyone,

I won't bore you with my story again but if you're interested, you can take a look at my previous posts.

So my AH checked himself into treatment 3 weeks ago yesterday. His family and I stressed to him that this was the LAST time we will be standing by him and that if he leaves recovery early (his m.o. is usually taking off within a month of being there - 4x over the past 6 months!), then I will be filing for divorce and his family will want NOTHING to do with him.

Harsh yes, but he just keeps doing the same crap over and over and over and nothing seems to be registering in his head.

He also should be on bipolar meds to which he's making excuses that the doctor has to refer him... and my 'nagging' has seemed to make things worse during our twice a week five min conversations so I'm just going to leave it alone.

Anyhoo...

Today he just said it was too hard being away from me and I told him that he's just using 'me' and 'us' as an excuse to leave (he's done this several times before) --- He's getting to the hard part of recovery... really looking within himself and the director of the program said that my AH seems to have all the 'external' things figured out (everyone else) and just can't seem to focus on HIS internal recovery.

Anyway... he left the treatment home with his bags. I was flabbergasted because he has no money, and knows if he leaves, his family (and me) will have NOTHING to do with him. Like I mentioned, he has done this same thing ...stay at treatment for about a month and then 'walk' when he doesn't get his own way. He then blames everything and everyone besides himself.

So, he told me that he was leaving and then hangs up on me. I thought "f*k... now I've got to file for divorce"... and then worried that he was going to just show up here and then going through the thought process of calling the police etc. I'm not afraid of him at all... it's just a firm boundary I have that I won't budge from. If he's not in recovery, then he's not welcome here (until he's better).

I spoke to his sponsor and the director of the program and they both indicated that again, it's getting to the part where it's hard now... and my AH has to start looking at WHY he does this kind of thing to STOP that awful cycle he's been going through for years... and they prayed he'd find somewhere he could do this.

Within a half hour, I called the treatment centre because his sponsor wanted to give his cell # so I could call anytime. He then tells me that there was good news... that my AH came back and was chatting to the director.

I then received a tearful call from my AH about 5 min ago and he apologized. He admitted he was being absolutely selfish... that he should never have dragged me into his 'wanting to get his own way' and that he knows that everything he does on his own goes to sh*t and has to give up his pride to get better.

I told him that I was proud of him for going back and that I'm willing to forgo "short term pleasure for long-term recovery" and so should he. Even if that means he and I do not see each other for a few months... whatever. I'm totally okay with that and hopefully he should be too... esp. knowing he'll get his family back after.

I consider this to be a victory... as he has NEVER gone back once he has thrown a 'hissy fit' and leaves in a huff. When he did this before He's in his addictive mode and there has been nothing anyone could say before that would deter him from going downhill after that.

Today however is a different matter and I wanted to share this hopeful news with you all!

If our addicted loved ones REALLY want to get better, they WILL find a way. There's nothing we can do or say that will make them do anything they don't want to do. The best thing I did was sit back (well, I fretted a little) and prayed. I knew I wasn't going to give him $ or let him come home and felt GOOD about that (for once!).

I guess a small victory for me too.

Here's to hoping for more daily victories in the following months and a big prayer and hug to all of you out there with loved ones who are struggling.

rose

Thanks for sharing and updating it is great positive news! I wondered if your husband had follow through and happy to here that he did. Hope you have been able to get some much deserved you time while he has been gone. You sound great, very upbeat and firm with him, good to see!

Rose

Ann

That's good news and perhaps a sign that maybe, just maybe, this time may be different.

This may also be a good time for you to wrap yourself in support too. Meetings were always a good place for me when my life was shaky...and when it was not. They just helped me keep my balance no matter what was happening around me.

Hoping the days ahead bring you and your AH lots of recovery and brighter days.

Hugs