jen13

I stumbled upon this forum today while searching the internet for answers online. My story, lets see its a long one. My husband and I were blessed with an awesome little boy in 2003, he is now 8. We were married in November of 2003. We were divorced about 8 months later. He was going out and hanging with friends, leaving me with a little one at home. I got mad and ended it. Well fast forward to the year 2007 the husband and I thought we would try again. When we got back together things were rocky but we were pushing past all the hard stuff. It was about 5 months in when I noticed he had a major addiction to narcotics. I said nothing, afraid he would end it. I ignored it for awhile until he would be eating and nod out. He would tell me he would slow down. The summer of 2008 he tried to quit by himself, it lasted a week then he went back to the pills. In 2009 he filed bankruptcy and we lost our home. In 2010 he lost his job and decided to get sober. He seemed for real this time. The summer was awesome, we had a blast together. We have always been the best of friends. Since he was off work he was really able to get away from influences that were no good and focus on himself. We ended up having to move from the home we were in because we could no longer afford the rent because of the job situation. However we found an awesome place, he got his job back and I also got a job. The future had never been so bright! Until yesterday. I got a phone call at 2am from a officer with the sheriffs department. He said my husband had suffered a medical emergency and had been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. When I arrived I was greeted by a team of four doctors who informed me he had overdosed from xanex. He could have died. He had stopped breathing so a tube was put in. He was released yesterday and seems to be ok. However I'M NOT! I am an emotional, confused basket case!

Chino

Jen, you reached out for help and that's half the battle from this side of addiction.

Your husband has a substantial history with addiction. You may have figured out by now that there's nothing you can do to control or cure it, and you didn't cause it.

Everyone here understands your fears, you've come to a good place.

Have you considered Alanon or Naranon? It's face to face support and an excellent way to learn self care, since we're not able to change the addict in our lives.

jen13

I have read about naranon and may consider it at some point. I failed to mention that I also found out he snorted a 30mg "opanna". I know I am probably spelling that wrong. I honestly dont know a lot about this stuff. I try to live in my own little sober bubble. I demanded that he get the required help yesterday. I also told him that I need a few days to figure out what I want to do, I am thinking it may be best for this relationship to end. I want time to figure that out though and he is pushing me for a decision. I dont think thats exactly fair considering he did this. I wouldnt even be questioning our relationship had this not happened.

hello-kitty

You didn't cause his problem.
You can't control his problem.
You can't cure his problem.

Can you just separate for a while until you are ready to commit to whatever you decide to do? Space is a good thing. Maybe it will give you time to think about what you want out of life and where you want to go from here. If he has a fit about it (I'm guessing he will)... well that's his problem. You have to do what's wise for you and your children's emotional and physical well-being. Living with a drug addict is not healthy for children.

He's a big boy. Making his own choices. Your son is not. You are the only sober parent he has.

smacked

Do whatever you need to do that is the next right thing for you and for protecting your child. You can't go wrong with those decisions.. ya know?

Glad you're here.

jen13

Funny you mention this. I told him when he came home from the hospital that I felt it would be good to take some time away so I can figure out what I am doing and try to settle my emotions. Yes he freaked. He told me if I was going to leave him to just say it now! Oh and I also sent my son to my parents this weekend, knowing it was best for him not to be here. He is my main conern at this point! I am just trying to make the best decision for my favorite little guy

Chino

Way to go!

Please take care of yourself too, OK? Do whatever you need to keep yourself balanced and safe

jen13

I have been cruising around this forum and the naranon forum as well and I have seen so much information that relates to my situation. I am able to read things and say "whoa! That is AH and whoa! That is me". I am really glad I found this place. I am blessed to have one of the best support systems a girl could ask for. I have amazing friends(all addiction free) and a wonderful family! They are all very supportive of whatever I need to do. I am feeling calm right now, calculating but calm I am just trying to sort out the pro's and con's and get back on track. I am very glad I have never had to battle any addiction issues in my life, some of the things I have read here tonight I would never want to experience in my own life. Thank you again for your kind words

jen13

It was a rough weekend I will admit. My parents took my son for the weekend so I could have some time. Friday night he came home and acted like nothing happened. He said he was going to try and find an outpatient program but then spoke nothing more of the incident. He went on with things as if it never happened. Then Saturday came around and I made plans to go and stay with a friend and I followed through with that. He didnt want me to go but I did anyway. He sent me a text message asking me to please come home that he didnt want us to be torn apart. I told him that I was taking care of me right now and I was staying with my friend. I went home around noon Sunday and once again he acted as if nothing happened. We went to see his mother in the hospital and his dad approached me and said that they had talked and for me to "keep a tight rein on him". That made me angry, why is it my reponsibility??? Havent I done that for the past 4 freaking years? Where has it got me? He is a grown man, I shouldnt have to be a babysitter. I dont know, Im confused. I dont want to put my child through the pain of the family splitting up but I cant even look at him right now. Everytime I look at him all I see is a breathing tube down his throat. I know I cant live like that. I would like to say that I dont think he will ever do this again but I have said that before!

Kindeyes

Jen
A slighted belated welcome to SR.....I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this issue. I'm sure that it was extremely painful to know that your husband had overdosed and had a close call.

You are already doing some amazingly intelligent things. You placed your son in the loving hands of his grandparents so that you would be able to think clearly. You removed yourself from the house and went to a friends where you could get support.

Those are steps that many of us can't do when we're in the middle of crisis mode. We become frozen and unable to think at all.

Keep your head clear and take it one day at a time.

You are not alone.

gentle hugs
ke