bookwyrm

I've been divorced for over a year. I was with XAH 18 years. And I find that I keep dreaming about him.

I don't want him back, I don't even want him to know where I am or be in contact with me. I have no inclination to find out about him. But I keep dreaming about him.

He pops up every so often in a normal dream. Its the hot n steamy dreams that are causing me concern. It's always him. It may start out with some other guy but morphs back into him. He seems to be the default for my dreaming mind! Its kinda freaking me out and making me worry that I will never get him out of my head!!

Can anyone relate?

Kassie2

I can relate. I would guess that because you are reading about and sorting out the negative part of that relationship while awake - your dreams are reminding you of the parts which kept you together that were positive. When I have those dreams I remind myself that I want to feel that way again with someone - focusing on how I want to feel again and not the "who" to feel it with. It is a sorting out process - a healing time eventhough it is still all scary!

kmkluvr1

yes i can relate very much so. we have been seperated since for almost 3 months now, and everytime i dream he is there! I dont know what it is either, but i think it is like Kassie2 days, i want to feel that way again. In the dreams it is always good.

kmkluvr1

*says

Florence

I like to think of dreams as my weird ol' brain sifting through a backlog of information while I'm asleep, that way I don't have to think too deeply into why I'm dreaming what I'm dreaming about.

I always have crazy-hot dreams about an exBF that I haven't dated in 20 years and it's extra weird because we're friends now. I just don't mention it.

pixilation

My crazy-hot dreams have always involved someone else. Way back when, I didn't know what to make of it, now though, I realize it was my subconscious trying to speak to me.

Buffalo66

I am not dreaming, but I do find myself getting caught up in fantasizing about him.
Not so much sexually, but that is in there.

I find it is just like an addiction. I have to be vigilant, and reel my head back in.

FYI, my RAH told me when he came home from rehab that he dreamed about drinking all the time. He told me that they warned him a bout that in rehab. He said one counselor said, "you can have a sponsor and deal with real life temptation, and reel in your actions with your conscious mind, but you will dream about drinking a bottle of vodka, and wake up feeling guilty or indulged...That is your unconscious mind, and no one can do anything about that.."

He said that they spoke about that in AA meeting once too. And that old timers say that they still dream of drinking.

Psycho-spiritually speaking, I wonder what that would mean...

The school of thought is that every component of a dream is an aspect of you.
What do the people, or person represent to you?
Betrayal?
Danger?
Old patterns?

Then, what happened between them and you in the dream?
Were you seducing or being seduced?
Did you complete the deed?
Were you "flirting with disaster", LOL...

I would look at what he represents. Maybe something you overcame and left behind.
Then apply what the dynamic in the dream was, are you cozying up in a primal, sensual way with a representation of danger, or....

Then again, it could just be a good old sex dream. LOL.

I have written here before how that aspect of my connection to my RAH is one of the toughest things to resist, to overcome, to let go of. Its a stickler.

Panther

Book - People have many different takes on why we dream or what dreams mean. Personally I subscribe to the theory that dreams are an expression of our subconscious. Subconscious literally translates to mean 'below consciousness'. Because it is below our consciousness it is beyond our ability to control it and often leaves many people feeling bewildered and confused. It is not uncommon for people to have dreams that depict feelings and emotions which we do not normally feel when we are awake. In fact, this is often the rule rather than the exception.

I can't tell you what your whole dream means because I do not have all the details but based on the tid bit you gave us it seems that you are actively trying to get over your ex, perhaps even trying to think about someone else. It may not be that you're in love with someone else, but that you are trying to be open to it. That is why you are with someone else in the beginning of the dream. But then, the person morphs into your ex. I think what your sub is trying to communicate is that you cannot move forward until whatever issues you have with your ex are resolved. Your sub will not let you move forward until this happens. Basically your dream is telling you that despite your best efforts, your ex is still very much present and active in your mind. It may be that instead of truly taking steps to get over him, you are merely repressing thoughts and emotions about him. So instead of openly admitting these emotions in your waking state, they have been pushed down and are now being expressed in your dreaming state.

Whatever the case may be - a little self-reflection is always good.

theuncertainty

Hugs, Bookwyrm. I can definitely relate. Immediately after starting to acknowledge the abuse and r--- in our relationship, the dreams started. I HATED them. They're far fewer now and I still hate them. Dreams of him are now more usually *just* the dark brown-sepia toned pain of the emotional and mental abuse rather than anything else. Still disturbing, but not nearly as disturbing as the steamy ones.

When I was little, I was able to "change channels" on bad dreams, a trick my Dad taught me when I'd woken him and Mom up a couple times. I've somehow lost that ability - or at least can't do it with the dreams of XAH. Hoping to be able to get that remote back.

Verbena

I'm over 60 and I still have occasional dreams about high school. What the heck is that about?

Usually I've gone to school with no underwear because I didn't have any clean underwear in my drawer. I spend the dream worrying because I've just remembered that time of the month is near. Or, I've got to walk the breezeway between classes and it's windy out.

I've dreamed about former jobs and old coworkers.

Dreams are dreams. They aren't important.

bookwyrm

Thanks everyone. Yeah, I have been thinking about him a lot - going over so much with the Why Does He Do That book reading. I'm stalled on it too! No wonder he's popping into my dreams so much. Its not bad when I'm dreaming it, it's when I wake up I get creeped out by it...

So, time to get working and get through the book club. New chapter tomorrow - promise!

buttercream

Hmmm...for the past several weeks, I've been dreaming about beating up my STBXAH. My subconscious is a total bada$$.

theuncertainty

I'm jealous. When I actually do fight back in my dreams, it's always me swinging back at him as hard as I can, but it's like I'm moving through water. I end up barely tapping him and he just laughs.

When will my bada-- subconscious show up?

bookwyrm

Where do I sign up for one of these please?!!

ShiningStars

Me, too!