LeadHatter

just started reading codependent no more and notice it says al alon has a saying 'identify not compare' can anyone break this down for me what dus it mean?

LexieCat

We use that phrase in AA, too.

It means that when you listen to other people's shares or their stories, don't compare your situation to theirs ("Oh, I can't be alcoholic--I didn't drink like her or didn't lose everything like that guy" or "Wow, I drink a lot more than these people, maybe THEY could get sober but I'll never make it"), but listen for the ways you are like the other people ("Maybe he did time in prison and I never even got a ticket, but it's amazing how much the way he felt about drinking is just like the way I feel"). Look for the ways we are alike, not different.

Alcoholics (and partners or children of alcoholics) have a lot of very similar experiences, even if their stories aren't exactly the same.

LeadHatter

thanks lexie i think i get what you mean - just trying to compare it now

crap is that wrong, compare - just trying to ah well...

no i do get the drift i believe but as you can see i seem primed to compare presently [which is a problem]

LeadHatter

well thanks its a bit of a knee jerk a major one coming here but well im early recovery and just finally opening codependent no more