Nikkipoo

While cleaning out a file drawer today, I found a 1/2 empty bottle of sherry. I had forgotten I had hidden it there. So much for my memory. Who knows how long it's been there. I must have run outta red wine if I was drinking that. Sometimes I use sherry to cook with. I am going to throw it out anyway.
It was a great reminder to me how bad things were just a short time ago (sobriety date Feb 18).

Out to dinner last night w 3 other couples before a play. Ladies sat on one side of table and men on the other at a rectangular table. Everyone except ME ordered a drink. I am sure the other women noticed, because I always, always order wine. No one said anything though. What if they had?
Suggestions on how to respond please. None know about my real struggles with alcohol although all have seen me drunk at one time or another.

Reset

I think it depends on how well you know them and how much you want to divulge. The setting also matters. "I'm not drinking because I'm an alcoholic" can be a real buzzkill at a dinner like that.

In that setting though I'd just tell them I'm taking a break or that I don't feel like drinking, but they should go right ahead.

Anna

Hi Niki,

I found bottles in old purses stashed in my closet. Ick!

I'm glad that you got through the evening and that no one questioned you. Personally, I think it's rude if someone says something about what you're drinking, or eating for that matter. The first time someone asked me why I wasn't drinking, I lied and make up the I'm on antibiotics story. I felt horrible. For me, recovery was about honesty and it felt so wrong to do that. So, after that, if someone offers me a drink, I just say No, thanks, and if that is challenged, I don't answer. It's nobody's business but mine.

Inafishbowl

I have said "I dont drink" a few times. Unlike other experiences here all 3 people pushed too hard for my taste as to *why?*. I know its their issue and it's rude. But it's still very uncomfortable. I told one lady that I used up all of my drink tickets. At least I got a laugh.

Dee74

I'm glad you're going to throw it out - I hope you have already.

I was really nervous for a long time about what would I say to people? would they notice me not drinking?

It took me a while to realise that although drinking was *very* important to me and I was obsessed by who was drinking what and who wasn't and why - it's not often that way for other people.

9 times out of ten for me, a simple 'no thanks' or 'I don't drink anymore' is all that's needed

If they persist with why I have said why not? or because I choose not to anymore.

I have also used the A word...that really quietens the room....

I have also told them it's none of their business lol

D

EmeraldRose

Wow...glad you threw it out. Good Job!

As far as answering a drinking question...you could lie and say you're on medication. LOL Or just tell the truth and just say you don't drink anymore. I prefer the latter and would feel good saying it, too. They don't have to know the struggles you had...but if you feel its an accomplishment...say it proud and with your held high. There is no shame in remaining sober. They might think twice at ordering a second drink.

DayTrader

Heh....isn't that a bummer? lol Nobody watches everyone's drinking like one of us. That's for sure!

I drank with LOTS of ppl during my "pro career" and honestly, the only ones who really noticed I wasn't drinking were my best-buddy (and drinking buddy - but then he knew what was up with me) and the bartenders at my favorite bars. Outside of them, it was several months or more before everyone else figured it out (unless I told them......and I did tell most everyone - I wasn't ashamed of it at all).

When ppl asked me, I just said "nope...not for me. I'm done with that stuff. I'll take a coke."

If they pressed.....and kept pressing........I'd just say something like "look, I drank more in a typical week than most of you drink in a month.....maybe in a quarter (year). And it got to be a problem so I had to quit."

Most ppl won't press beyond that one.

LaFemme

I hope you have gotten rid of the sherry already...I actually found an empty last week that I had hidden when someone came over...its been 8+ months lol

I tell people I reaozed I like my life better without alcohol in it...sometimes that dad's to discussion other times not. It also depends on the group...will be at a business conference this weekend they all drink pretty hard...aside from one wife who doesn't and I think is in recovery I will be a stand alone. All they need to know, imo, is I don't drink

perfectlyFlawed

no explanations, just say you weren't in the mood. If you trust them( good friends) perhaps you mention your struggles with alcohol.

bevin

You could always say that you can't because you have a really busy day tomorrow - that way you have an excuse and you get to look like a type A personality!
But in all honesty, I've always really respected people come out and say they don't drink. Maybe I envied them a little bit too.

Danae

I have a variety of things i say depending on who I'm with. I have often said "not tonight, I still have work to do" (sad, but true!), or just "no thanks, not tonight". I agree that after a while lying about taking meds, or trying to lose weight may make you feel trapped, and are likely best avoided. But early on i stretched the truth a bit, including saying that I had a sinus infection (true again).

With friends who i've been out with a number of times since I quit (over 4 months) i am now more honest and say I thought I had a bit of a problem and I decided to stop drinking altogether. Then I also say how much better I feel and how I've lost weight, and they often look a bit jealous!

Really, it isn't their business. And the more comfortable you are just being offhand about it, the less curious they'll be.....

ACT10Npack

Most people don't really care if the other person does not drink. If they ask then that most likely mean that they have issues with alcohol.

yoli

Hidden bottles- I have thrown everything out - I think. Told my H today if he finds anything, don't lose heart it's from before the new me.

mtnmagic

Those hidden bottles. I'm 8 1/2 weeks sober and I'm still finding them (mostly empty) in the weirdest places.

When I have been asked why I'm not drinking, and this has only happened a couple of times for me too, I have responded that since my birthday (which was in January) I have been focused on becoming healthier in the coming year. This is true and I am comfortable saying it, with no pause or weird expression if you know what I mean....I haven't been questioned further yet.

Nikkipoo

Thanks everyone for your advice on WHAT TO SAY. I never thought before your saying so that I am the one who is aware of how much drinking others are doing! Wow! You're right; they probably didn't even think about whether I was drinking or not. I would like to be honest with people and say I have a problem, but I can't just yet. Maybe down the road....So for now I think I will just say if pressed that I am cutting back. Which is true.

The bottle of sherry is gone

Mida

Good question and one I've already thought about a lot even tho I'm only 3 days in...gosh, do we obsess about alcohol or what?!

I'm sure no one is gonna care whether I'm drinking beer, wine, goat's milk, dishwater, whatever...the real truth is that it was ALWAYS I who was keeping an eye on what everyone else was drinking so I could compare whether my drinking was "normal"...I remember several times mentioning to others that so and so had this or that much and they were like, "oh really, didn't notice..." and I would wonder HOW could you NOT? Duh, because they weren't ALCOHOLICS!!! lol...

Glad that sherry bottle is gone...I never hid bottles as I would just take them out to the garbage when everyone else was out of the house but I did dump out half a bottle of vodka from the freezer yesterday that was making me nervous...there are 2 beers in the fridge which I want to throw out but sometimes the hubby drinks one (every three or four months...how he ended up with me as a wife, I'll never know lol).

Auggie

During the first week or two I was so antsy all I did was clean house. Unreal the number of hidden shot glasses, empty whiskey bottles, empty or 1/2 empty beer bottles. One partial bottle of booze as well. It really helped strengthen my resolve.

My recycle bin sounds very different now when they pick it up. More plastic than glass.

Nikkipoo

that's great Hugger! I too waited until my husband was out of the house or ear shot to take my empty wine bottles to recycling, but I would HIDE them under other trash! How sick is that?
There is beer in my garage right now that my daughter bought while visiting. I need to give that away to a non-alcoholic beer drinker. I am not tempted to drink beer.

Mida, my husband doesn't drink at home at all. Every now and then he might have a bloody Mary when we are out to dinner.

yoli

I did the same thing! Also I would put them in the trunk of my car and dispose of them when I went shopping. At least we were recycling responsibly! LOL!

Germanos

A few good answers:

**Best because it works longterm**I am trying a new workout program that cuts out alcohol, and if they say 1 won't hurt just smile and say, Thanks but no thanks! later on you can say that you enjoy your new lifestyle and don't want alcohol anymore.

You have some business to take care of when you get home.

You think that you may be getting sick.

On some antibiotics...

or No thank you, but you all go ahead! if they persist shrug and say nah, I just really don't feel like drinking.

Just always remember that you are making the right choice.