Step 3
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Step 3
I will have 90 days sober tomorrow!
I have been taking xanax for 6 years.
I talked to my doctor, and he said I could throw them away.
I never took a large dose, and that is not the point of my post. (how much)...or a medical advice post...this is not.
The deal for me is letting go of my final crutch.
I threw my pills in the toilet yesterday and flushed them.
That is huge for me...it's the final "thing" I relied on when the feelings, when life was "too much" for me.
Now, I must rely on God.
Now, I have nothing to take to change the way I feel.
I have to turn my will and my life over to the care and direction of God.
(and direction was the way the original step was written from manuscript)...
I have felt such fear the last nights when anxiety would come, and my brain would be recalling the action of taking a pill to fix that...as the drink has been gone now for 3 months.
I know turn to God, and to prayer, and a friend suggested step 3.
So I am going to really consider step 3.
See what God has in store for me.
Feel his presence, and his protection as I turn my will and life over, and totally rely on Him for the first time that I can recall.
More than 25 years of reliance on alcohol, 6 years of reliance on xanax.
Now it's just me and God, and my program. Wow.
Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts that I may be able to stay sober and recover from years of reliance on a substance to feel better.
Thanks!
PS...It seems like so many people in the news that died from an overdose always has zanax as one of the drugs in their system. I just had this terrible feeling that it had to go...for me...
I knew I was using it, not taking it...using it to change the way I feel...so in fact I was using it like alcohol.
It was an internal conflict for me to want to be clean and sober and to be popping a pill, to cope with life.
It may be fine for others...this was just about me, and my recovery, and my truth. Thanks for letting me share.
I have been taking xanax for 6 years.
I talked to my doctor, and he said I could throw them away.
I never took a large dose, and that is not the point of my post. (how much)...or a medical advice post...this is not.
The deal for me is letting go of my final crutch.
I threw my pills in the toilet yesterday and flushed them.
That is huge for me...it's the final "thing" I relied on when the feelings, when life was "too much" for me.
Now, I must rely on God.
Now, I have nothing to take to change the way I feel.
I have to turn my will and my life over to the care and direction of God.
(and direction was the way the original step was written from manuscript)...
I have felt such fear the last nights when anxiety would come, and my brain would be recalling the action of taking a pill to fix that...as the drink has been gone now for 3 months.
I know turn to God, and to prayer, and a friend suggested step 3.
So I am going to really consider step 3.
See what God has in store for me.
Feel his presence, and his protection as I turn my will and life over, and totally rely on Him for the first time that I can recall.
More than 25 years of reliance on alcohol, 6 years of reliance on xanax.
Now it's just me and God, and my program. Wow.
Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts that I may be able to stay sober and recover from years of reliance on a substance to feel better.
Thanks!
PS...It seems like so many people in the news that died from an overdose always has zanax as one of the drugs in their system. I just had this terrible feeling that it had to go...for me...
I knew I was using it, not taking it...using it to change the way I feel...so in fact I was using it like alcohol.
It was an internal conflict for me to want to be clean and sober and to be popping a pill, to cope with life.
It may be fine for others...this was just about me, and my recovery, and my truth. Thanks for letting me share.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Congratulations. Just remember that it's not "just you and God", there are hundreds and thousands of supporters you haven't met yet. Many meetings to go to and share your experience. I've always found that disclosure brings about support so don't be afraid to share. One more thing. Feelings are just what they are. They change from hour to hour, sometimes minute to minute. Don't structure your life around what you feel. Trust in God and the people around you and you'll be fine.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
OMG! Talk about a test!
Water heater burst and flooded house in two rooms, dehumidifier and large fans going...gotta love the smell of stale water/musty water....
And no pill to pop to take it all away...nope...
Talk about a test on the first day!
I have been a wreck for the last hours...can't escape it...
Went to a good AA meeting today though!
Oh, you know what was crazy?
I called a sober member I know of AA...and told her I was having anxiety, and that I threw out my pills!
She said she thought I was setting myself up to drink, and warned me I might have a nervous breakdown without pills, to all of a sudden quit was bad...
Well, I am not going to call up my md, and say...I can't take it, I made a mistake, give me pills, now, again, cause I can't handle stress!
Time to grow up.
She said without pills I will go back to booze now and I shouldn't have thrown them out...that I probably "need them"....ugh...
I told her my md said I wasn't in danger of stopping, and she said I wasn't addicted to them....after I told her how much I took...but she said the whole drastic tossing of them...is setting myself up to drink...
Water heater burst and flooded house in two rooms, dehumidifier and large fans going...gotta love the smell of stale water/musty water....
And no pill to pop to take it all away...nope...
Talk about a test on the first day!
I have been a wreck for the last hours...can't escape it...
Went to a good AA meeting today though!
Oh, you know what was crazy?
I called a sober member I know of AA...and told her I was having anxiety, and that I threw out my pills!
She said she thought I was setting myself up to drink, and warned me I might have a nervous breakdown without pills, to all of a sudden quit was bad...
Well, I am not going to call up my md, and say...I can't take it, I made a mistake, give me pills, now, again, cause I can't handle stress!
Time to grow up.
She said without pills I will go back to booze now and I shouldn't have thrown them out...that I probably "need them"....ugh...
I told her my md said I wasn't in danger of stopping, and she said I wasn't addicted to them....after I told her how much I took...but she said the whole drastic tossing of them...is setting myself up to drink...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Hi V. I heard it said one time at a meeting. "Just don't drink, even if your a$$ falls off." God knows I've thought enough dumb things in sobriety that if the truth be known by some people, they'd have said the same thing. But, I didn't drink. You can't fail if you don't drink. God and AA are very forgiving so think what you will, feel what you will but tell people what's going on. Share your thoughts and feelings.
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