LookUp

My sister overdosed last night. It was intentional, she left a note. She's in ICU on a ventilator and right now she's unresponsive. And I'm sad.

My dad said that she emailed me last night, but my email address has changed so I didn't get it. It's probably a good thing; I imagine it wasn't a nice email. But I can't help but be curious about what it said.

I know there's nothing I could do for her, but I feel guilty for cutting her out of my life.

outtolunch

I am sorry for your situation including the guilt you feel.

Another way of looking at this is that you gave her the gift of dignity to determine her own outcomes. It's sad making stuff to know that your sister did not make a good choice.

Impurrfect

((LookUp)))) - I'm sorry about your sister, but I agree with ((OTL))) - you gave her the CHOICE and dignity to make decisions about her own life. You didn't cause this, sweetie.

Many hugs and prayers to you, your sister and all who love her,

Amy

Seren

(((LookUp))) I'm sorry to hear about your sister. Please be assured that you ARE NOT responsible for her condition.

You are right in that you don't want to read that note. It is likely full of guilt-inducing drama that in her right mind, she would not want you to endure. My xH left me a similar note one night when he tried to drink himself to death (he was not normally a drinker). I DID read the note, and it was horrible. He later apologized, but I would spare you that pain.

Sending out prayers for you, your sister, and your whole family. Hugs, HG

Chino

LookUp, I hope you'll take some time to ask or remind yourself why you cut her out of your life. It can be a very freeing process, a reminder of our own non-negotiable vital needs and boundaries. It won't take away the pain but it will remove the guilt.

I'm sending healing thoughts and prayers your family's way.

keepinon

Removing yourself was likely saving yourself..and by not participating /contributing to the addiction you did the right thing..I am sorry your sister was in so much pain..

Stimmed

Very sad to hear.

I dont know either of you but i hope with all my heart she has at least the tiniest amount of will left to come through this.

God Bless you all.

Kindeyes

lookup
This is very sad news and I'm so sorry that your sister felt that it was her only option.

Please please please know that you could not control her decision to attempt to take her life any more than you could control her addiction. It just doesn't work that way. It has everything to do with her coping skills that were compromised by drug abuse and nothing to do directly with you.

Remember, if love could cure them....none of us would be here.

You, your family, and particularly your sister will be in my prayers today.

gentle hugs
ke

LookUp

Thanks for all of the kind words. The people here are always so nice and supportive. I do a lot of reading, I just don't post much. Maybe one day I'll feel like I have something valuable to say to someone else. I appreciate that you make me feel so welcome. And, it's really comforting to have other people tell me not to feel guilty. I know it in my head, but sometimes it's hard to convince my heart.

My sister opened her eyes briefly yesterday and tried to lift her arms. And she's breathing on her own. So, they're going to stop giving her sedatives and remove the ventilator today and see if she wakes up. There's hope, but I'm conflicted. Yesterday I was worried that she wouldn't survive this. Now, I'm worried that she will survive and nothing will change. If her past behavior is any indicator, she's going to try to use this to make me feel sorry for her. I know that worry is a waste of time and that's out of my control, so for now I'm just trying to be thankful that she's still here and has a chance. Yesterday my dad sounded like he had accepted that there's nothing he could do and he was finished trying to control the situation, but today he's talking about talking to a lawyer to see what his options are for forcing her into treatment. I guess he's figuring out what he feels like he needs to do. He has to live with his choices, so they're his to make.

Oh, and she didn't send me an email. She sent a message on Facebook. It didn't sound at all like a good-bye letter. It was basically the same quacking and incoherent rambling, asking me to un-block her phone number so she can call me if anything happens to my mom or dad. And asking me for 5 minutes to hear her side of the story. Also, she wanted me to ask my in-laws to un-block her number and complaining that they treat her badly. She's been calling and harrassing them for months trying to get them to let her see my kids. So, no guilt-inducing blaming. Just proof that there were no changes and that she sees herself as the victim.

Thanks again for your positive thoughts.

LookUp

She is definitely going to survive. She is awake and on a rampage. She's screaming at the doctors and nurses and had to be restrained. So, she's getting a psyche evaluation. So hopefully after she has detoxed, they can address her mental health issues.

There may be a silver lining to this nightmare. My dad has opened up a lot more and he seems a open to giving her some tough love. Maybe we can start rebuilding our relationship and he may have more time to spend with my kids. I've also talked to my nephew more in the last month than I have in years.

Thanks again for the kind words and prayers.

hello-kitty

Thanks for keeping us posted. It sounds like you have a very healthy perspective on this difficult situation. I hope your sister gets the help she needs but I'm glad you are keeping your focus on you and your children, and not expecting too much. Still... there is always hope.

Impurrfect

Thanks, so much, for the update. I agree..sounds like you have a healthy perspective on the situation, and that your dad is also getting to that point.

From the way it sounds, she's not going to be released out on her own, any time soon (at least I hope not)...with a psych eval and attempted suicide, I'm hoping the dr's will order her to somewhere that she's not at risk of harming herself, again, and may actually get some help.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Stimmed

That is fantastic news LookUp, really.

She still has plenty of fight left by the sounds of things. I just hope it can be channeled in at least a 'better direction' for her. Shrinks know what they're doing i guess. Hope she takes a breath and able to calm down enough to soak it up and reflect.

Fingers crossed for you all.

JMFburns

LookUp,

Thank you for the update.

I know it most likely will be a struggle, but you should remember your boundaries and enforce them. Just because she continues to make the wrong choices, doesn't mean you need to allow yourself to be dragged into them.

I pray for you to have strength and serenity, I pray for your father to have enlightenment and I pray for your sisters recovery both physically and mentally.

Kindeyes

It's great news that she is going to survive. It's great news that she is being evaluated. You, your father and your sister are in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke