Act vs React?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 70
Act vs React?
Good morning everyone!
I called my temporary sponsor last night. I have a question about something she said. She told me to think about acting versus reacting- as in thinking about what I'm going to do and acting on it instead of reacting to what is going on around me.
Does anyone have any thoughts/ examples?
If anyone is not familiar with my story, I quit on March 7, went to my first AA meeting this Monday, after 2 consecutive weekends where I ended up drinking. I'm determined now to do everything I can to stop this cycle.
I called my temporary sponsor last night. I have a question about something she said. She told me to think about acting versus reacting- as in thinking about what I'm going to do and acting on it instead of reacting to what is going on around me.
Does anyone have any thoughts/ examples?
If anyone is not familiar with my story, I quit on March 7, went to my first AA meeting this Monday, after 2 consecutive weekends where I ended up drinking. I'm determined now to do everything I can to stop this cycle.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 28
Good morning to you..... it is midnight here in Australia.
First thing , maybe ring your sponsor back
My thoughts are :
"Thinking about what you are going to do and acting on it"
Thinking about ways you can stay sober eg: meetings, books, here, prayers, picking up the phone to another Alcoholic. Put the effort in to protect yourself from temptation.
"instead of reacting"
reacting requires NO thought and our normal reaction when drinking would be to simply pick up another drink to forget about what is going on around us.
Let us know when you find out what she does mean
Wishing you all the best
First thing , maybe ring your sponsor back
My thoughts are :
"Thinking about what you are going to do and acting on it"
Thinking about ways you can stay sober eg: meetings, books, here, prayers, picking up the phone to another Alcoholic. Put the effort in to protect yourself from temptation.
"instead of reacting"
reacting requires NO thought and our normal reaction when drinking would be to simply pick up another drink to forget about what is going on around us.
Let us know when you find out what she does mean
Wishing you all the best
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi March, by acting instead of reacting to me that would mean having a plan instead of waiting around for something to happen. You said you relapsed 2 weekends in a row so that sounds like weekends are your 'weakest link' and the time when you need to have a plan in place, things that you are going to do, and a plan for you to avoid situations and/or people where you might be tempted to drink. For a long time after I got into recovery I made a list of things I needed and/or wanted to do over the weekend, this list included everything from specific house cleaning tasks- to walking the dog a certain # of times -to shopping (and what I needed to buy) to reading -to talking to certain people...it included every single thing I needed to do and pretty much every minute of my weekend there was something I could/should do. As I did the things on the list I would check them off and this gave me a sense of accomplishment, often there were certain things that didn't get done but I just carried them over to the next weekend. Take action with your life be prepared don't wait and be caught off guard and have to react.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 133
Originally Posted by March7 
Genie- my plan is to not drink alcohol again, ever.
"I will never use alcohol again. And, I will NEVER change my mind."
That is action.
How does that make you feel? Does it make you feel uncomfortable?
That is reaction.
Reaction is your animal brain (lower brain) and it wants to drink so it will try everything in to try and change your mind, but YOU control your arms and legs and only YOU can lift that drink to your mouth. So, when you feel that urge recongize that "it" is trying to trick you. "It" doesn't like the idea that you will NEVER drink again and "it" is probably saying..oh sure. I'll just bide my time.
This is congnitive behaviour technique (CBT).
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Before I began recovery, I reacted to everything. I had no boundaries, felt I had no control and believed that I was at the whim of every emotion fleeting through my mind. It was a horrible feeling. It was a huge thing for me to learn that my emotions didn't have to control me. They were just feelings that I could acknowledge and let go. This enabled me to begin to create boundaries for myself. By becoming stronger in myself I became able to act on what I wanted and needed in my life for me, rather than reacting to what was happening around me.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Okay so I am not sure if I can explain this right but for the 1st few years around AA I was the Queen of reacting. So an example I'm in a meeting and someone I think gives me a sideway's look so I react by rolling my eyes at them. Not reacting would be not doing anything and thinking hey maybe its not all about me maybe that person is having a bad day or they weren't even directing it at me. Think before you act.
When the thought of alcohol used to come into my brain I would run out and relapse (reacting)
When the thought of alcohol comes into my brain, I pick up the phone, I think the drink through and not pickup (acting not reacting)
Right now I have a prime example a new neigbor just moved in and I call him Frat boy cause he's only 20 and he is so loud.
Every night he thrashes around his apt till 2am mind you I am right across the hall so I can hear all the loud crashes like it was in my living room. So for about a week I prayed about it, vented on here, I even put it down on paper and put it in my God box. (acting not reacting)
Well Monday night he thrashed around again so Tuesday morning I used my very, very loud vacum and banged it into the wall a few times, and then I got out my hammer and hammered imaginary nails a few times. (reacting) Lol
Hope this helps Just think it through and don't drink
When the thought of alcohol used to come into my brain I would run out and relapse (reacting)
When the thought of alcohol comes into my brain, I pick up the phone, I think the drink through and not pickup (acting not reacting)
Right now I have a prime example a new neigbor just moved in and I call him Frat boy cause he's only 20 and he is so loud.
Every night he thrashes around his apt till 2am mind you I am right across the hall so I can hear all the loud crashes like it was in my living room. So for about a week I prayed about it, vented on here, I even put it down on paper and put it in my God box. (acting not reacting)
Well Monday night he thrashed around again so Tuesday morning I used my very, very loud vacum and banged it into the wall a few times, and then I got out my hammer and hammered imaginary nails a few times. (reacting) Lol
Hope this helps Just think it through and don't drink
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Just jumping on the end here. I clicked on this because I too have had a similiar experience recently. I was about to post something along these lines too.
I react alot. Thats probably 90% of my problem and why things dont go so well with me.
I have had to learn how to stop first of all and let things soak in and then think about it before I make any moves.
The difference for me is so huge. I have such a hard time not jumping the gun alot of times. But I am learning.
Alot of times split decisions on my part never turn out well.
Good luck and your doing good.
I react alot. Thats probably 90% of my problem and why things dont go so well with me.
I have had to learn how to stop first of all and let things soak in and then think about it before I make any moves.
The difference for me is so huge. I have such a hard time not jumping the gun alot of times. But I am learning.
Alot of times split decisions on my part never turn out well.
Good luck and your doing good.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 70
Wow, thank you all so much! This is a lot to think about- but it makes so much sense. I am learning so much from you guys.
The funny thing is, I have always been considered someone of above average intelligence and have always been successful at school, work, sports, etc... So could never understand why I couldn't get control of this one stupid thing- drinking!!
I'm trying to think of it right now as starting from scratch- that I need to relearn EVERYTHING in relation to my previously unexplainable addictive behavior. I am just starting out, so I am not going to think I know better or know the answer on anything. My mind is open 100% to input, and I am going to follow the advice of my sponsor no matter what.
So to put this in perspective to my own life- last weekend I was at the mall with my girlfriend, we stopped to get something to eat, and she suggested having a glass of wine. I had already made the decision not to drink, but it was a nice place and we were eating, and I thought, well, I can just have one...
Fast forward to 4am, by that time I've been to 2 bars, had about 8 drinks (maybe more), drove drunk, smoked cigarettes, and engaged in some additional bad behavior that I don't want to go into detail about. Use your imagination- it's probably worse. Ugh...
So the reaction was taking the first drink because of my environment? And action would have been "playing out the tape" prior to ordering that first, seemingly innocent, glass of wine? Is that right?
The funny thing is, I have always been considered someone of above average intelligence and have always been successful at school, work, sports, etc... So could never understand why I couldn't get control of this one stupid thing- drinking!!
I'm trying to think of it right now as starting from scratch- that I need to relearn EVERYTHING in relation to my previously unexplainable addictive behavior. I am just starting out, so I am not going to think I know better or know the answer on anything. My mind is open 100% to input, and I am going to follow the advice of my sponsor no matter what.
So to put this in perspective to my own life- last weekend I was at the mall with my girlfriend, we stopped to get something to eat, and she suggested having a glass of wine. I had already made the decision not to drink, but it was a nice place and we were eating, and I thought, well, I can just have one...
Fast forward to 4am, by that time I've been to 2 bars, had about 8 drinks (maybe more), drove drunk, smoked cigarettes, and engaged in some additional bad behavior that I don't want to go into detail about. Use your imagination- it's probably worse. Ugh...
So the reaction was taking the first drink because of my environment? And action would have been "playing out the tape" prior to ordering that first, seemingly innocent, glass of wine? Is that right?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 70
Genie- I did exactly what you said and wrote it down. It doesnt make me uncomfortable at all. It feels GOOD. But, it is a weekday and I am at work, so I wouldn't be drinking now anyway. I'm not trying to be argumentative or a smartass, only trying to learn-
So right now my normal brain is in charge- not my "lower" brain (lizard brain?
The gremlins don't attack until they are doused with alcohol, lol.
So right now my normal brain is in charge- not my "lower" brain (lizard brain?
The gremlins don't attack until they are doused with alcohol, lol.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Reacting to your feelings and emotions is one way we head to the road of relapse. If you stop and take action of WHY you are feeling a certain way -deal with you thoughts and emotions -then you are stopping it before you get on the wrong path again.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
Since you are involved with AA, suggest you turn to the literature for the answers.
That is where your program of recovery, which you have decided to live, is found.
When unsure, pose these questions directly to your sponsor. Specifically ask her where you should be looking in the Big Book & 12 X 12 for the spiritual principles to answer your questions.
This will also give you very valuable insight to what type of program/awarness your sponsor has in the application (daily living) of the spiritual principles available to you.
Additionally, it keeps you on the path to experience the spiritual awakening the application of the Steps will produce.
I could direct you to places in both books for an answer, but believe you will learn a great deal more by speaking with your sponsor. (about you, and her)
Hope that helps & makes sense for the direction that is in YOUR best interest right now.
That is where your program of recovery, which you have decided to live, is found.
When unsure, pose these questions directly to your sponsor. Specifically ask her where you should be looking in the Big Book & 12 X 12 for the spiritual principles to answer your questions.
This will also give you very valuable insight to what type of program/awarness your sponsor has in the application (daily living) of the spiritual principles available to you.
Additionally, it keeps you on the path to experience the spiritual awakening the application of the Steps will produce.
I could direct you to places in both books for an answer, but believe you will learn a great deal more by speaking with your sponsor. (about you, and her)
Hope that helps & makes sense for the direction that is in YOUR best interest right now.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yeah, acting instead of reacting means to move ahead with a purpose, not just to sit around to see what might befall you. It means having a plan, a routine--regular AA meetings, regular meetings with your sponsor, getting a daily schedule in place.
You won't be a slave to routine for your entire life--there is room in AA for spontanaeity and flexibility, but at first, most of us need more structure in our lives.
You won't be a slave to routine for your entire life--there is room in AA for spontanaeity and flexibility, but at first, most of us need more structure in our lives.
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