bevin

So I went to a concert last Saturday night and it was the first show I've been to sober in 15 years. I kind of thought I would be all right, and I went by myself so I wouldn't feel pressured to drink and socialize. I had one moment where I was ordering a coke from the bar and I saw that they had my favorite cider and my brain went 'woo hoo!' But it wasn't like a craving - it was more like my brain forgot I wasn't drinking.

The show was amazing, and I didn't have to wonder the next day whether I actually enjoyed it or whether I was just drunk. I didn't have to look at myself in the bathroom mirror at the bar with bloodshot eyes looking like crap. And I didn't have to wake up with a hangover the next morning remembering bits and pieces of the show - it was all right there.

Now onto my third goal - and I'm going to change the subject a bit here. My third goal is to go to a friend's birthday party. The last time I was at one of her parties I threw up in her bathroom and fell down the stairs. I think this is a good goal...but everyone there will definitely be drunk, and most of them will probably be on ecstasy (she has some pretty crazy parties). I think I can do it, but I'm not entirely sure I'll have a good time - I might just be annoyed. By then I'll be almost 1 month sober. What do you think? Should I go or pick another goal? Oh yeah, the fact that I'm moving very far away very soon figures into the reasons I kind of want to go.

Dee74

I'm not a great one for so many test so soon Bevin...I took time out from the social whirl until I was as sure as I could be nothing would phaze me. I'm glad I did.

A few months against the rest of my life seems a pretty good investment.

Whatever you decide, make sure you have escape plans and strategies to deal with anything you think may come up.

yoli

I dunno. I don't think I could handle your third goal. For me, it would be just too tempting to join in the madness.

Today I tested myself by going to 7-11 without buying alcohol and then going grocery shopping without buying alcohol! I even made it a point to put the receipt (which I usually toss because there's alcohol on it) on the kitchen counter!

bevin

Oh yeah...I forgot that some of you guys have booze in supermarkets and convenience stores. Well, good for you for resisting!

What I'm trying to do with these goals of mine is to set myself up for success to prove to myself that I don't need alcohol to live. I knew the concert was a good goal because I love this band so much that there was absolutely no way I was not going to have a good time on some level.

This party might be a difficult because I'm one of those annoying happy go lucky drunks who loves everything and everybody when I'm sloshed, but not so much when I'm sober. Maybe I would end up having a good time in spite of myself, but there's always a chance that the experience could end up making me feel like I failed even if I don't drink.

I just feel like my barometer is a little off right now. I used to have 'formulas' for different types of experiences...I knew exactly how many drinks or drinks + Xanax I'd have to take before I'd feel comfortable walking into any situation. Now that I've stopped drinking, my use of Xanax has decreased quite a bit because I'm not as anxious, but I'm unable to answer the question: exactly how anxious am I? My formerly predictable world has shifted.

I'm also having a hard time trying to figure out what constitutes 'pushing myself too hard'. I think I'll just skip this party for now and try to think of something else to try next.

Anna

I wasn't much for testing myself either.

I felt quite vulnerable in early recovery and was busy trying to find my way.

Reset

If it were me, I'd try to assess my chances of relapsing and then make a decision based on that alone. Deep down, you really know whether you can handle this or not and you're really the only one who knows.

When I was at 1 month I turned down an event in which I could have seen all of my best friends from my 20's, guys I haven't seen in years. But I didn't go because I knew that there would be lots of drinking and drugs and I'd probably buckle.

These days I'd love to go to that event because I know I could weather the storm and I think it'd be fun- for a while- to view the partying through a different lens.

So follow your instincts but don't take any chances. Good luck.

ReadyAndAble

Boy the first few times I went to my supermarket—that was a real test. Now, I just cruise by with a secret smile. Reminds me of where I've been and how far I've come.

OK, back on topic (though in a way the supermarket does relate; this seems like it's about experiencing old things in a new, alcohol-free light, right?).

I went to my first concert at a bar about a month and half after I quit. Like you, I really enjoyed it. But that was easy in a sense, because I was going for the music, and the music was terrific.

The party? I dunno. I share Dee's reservations about testing yourself too much, too soon. And here's another thought: do you really want to watch good friends get wasted through sober eyes? I haven't turned into a teetotaler by any stretch, and recognize that plenty of my friends are able to enjoy their buzz without becoming dependent on it... but honestly, drunk people are not nearly as fun or interesting as I thought they were when I was drunk.

They get stupid. The conversation gets repetitive as hell. And they are way too emotive—acting like every silly joke is the most hilarious thing ever, like every minor aggravation is a traumatic experience.

It was kind of disappointing for me to see my friends acting like that. It certainly didn't tempt me. If anything it made me feel great about not drinking. But bottom line is it was really boring, I realized I'd much rather see my friends when they're sober, and I sensed that a couple of people felt a bit uncomfortable having a token sober guy on hand anyway.

My two cents. You sound great, bevin. Keep it up!

bevin

I've been thinking about what it means to 'test yourself' vs. 'prove to yourself that you can do something'. With the first option you can either succeed or fail, and with the second you'll almost certainly succeed. I just have to figure out which experiences fall into which category and try to build myself up rather than knock myself down.

That's also something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I don't really know what could make me relapse. I feel pretty good about where I am right now, but I still don't know how my sober mind will react to things. I don't trust it yet.

Well, it'll be more like 3 or 4 good friends with at least 50 other people I don't know that well. And I have no idea what it would be like to watch them get wasted because I've always been hammered beyond recognition at these parties. The question is whether watching them would make me annoyed or jealous...I'm not sure I want to find out right now.