our2jz

My husband and I have been separated since last June. He is an alcoholic. We were on the verge of divorce, but promised me he could quit & change. I told him he needed to do it on his own, which is why he moved out. Unfortunately, I ended up filing for divorce in August after my husband took my 2 boys (7 &10) out to a restaurant/bar for 4 hours, then drove them home drunk & left them home alone (at bout 11pm). My kids had never been left home alone before & they were so scared that they went to the neighbors house crying that they were home alone & scared. After I filed I told my husband that he could still prove himself during the mandatory 90 day waiting period before the divorce would be final. He knew that he needed to go to AA, and a therapist, and he needed to get off the xanax (a relatively strong tranquilizer) that he had been on for over 2 years. He did go to AA for about three weeks (he didn't quit drinking, but did cut down quite a bit). While he was going, he would carry his AA book around, continually reading the first step and crying. But, unfortunately he hasn't been to a meeting in a month. We are now just 2 1/2 weeks away from our divorce being final. He is constantly crying to me how much he loves me and needs my support to get better. He insists that sobriety is what he really wants. He still hasn't quit drinking, but from what I can tell, has cut down considerably. He makes me question my decision of divorce constantly. I can't tell if he is sincere (which is what I'd like to believe, or just manipulating. I so badly want to believe his promises. I also feel like I am abandoning him, and neglecting my responsability as his wife. I guess these feelings must be normal??

Daffodil

our2jz, WELCOME. Come on in and have a cup of coffee....

I haven't been exactly where you are at this moment but have listened to many who have been there. You didn't mention whether you'b been to any Al-Anon meetings while he was going to AA..
I will tell you I believe Alcoholism is a family disease it is fatal to the alcoholic, it is fatal to relationships, and it is fatal to families....I tell this over and over because I am the child of alcoholics, the sibling of,the spouse of, the mother of, the aunt of, the friend of many practicing alcoholics, and their drinking could drive me crazy without the Al-Anon program and a support group... We who live with the disease of alcoholism understand as prehaps few others can where you are and where you've been, what your feeling......We too have had promises made and broken over and over...

Please give your boys the best gift you can, The healthest mother you can be...I hope you have read the FYI's at the top of this site...Keep coming back.

The expert on you is you. You will find the anwsers within you...No one can sort out the anwsers for you but we can listen and give an opinion but we don't walk in your shoes..I would have been upset too had my children been in a car while the driver was drunk, I too would have been angry when they were left alone..

Love and prayers from one who cares.

walkalot1234

Yes, your feelings are normal. I am in an alcoholic marriage which has been going downhill for several years. Don't do what I did, which was staying in it hoping it will get better, it doesn't. You will only have what I had at the end of the road, that is, alot of disappointment and broken promises. I used to blame myself and feel guilty, and the sober person is the wrong one to have these feelings. I begged my husband 5 years ago to attend AA, and he refused, telling me he had no problem. At this time, he is what is considered an end stage alcoholic, and is incapable of working due to his condition.

If your husband is not attending meetings, trying to make the effort, his crying about it is HIS problem, and not yours. Don't be a sucker like I was, believing half-baked promises!