Hi SR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
Posts: 217
Hi SR
Hello! I am Yoli and this is my first post here. I have looked at the forum in the past and considered joining. Up til now I didn't think I had a major problem. But it is really affecting my family, so that's the last straw. I knew I was probably an alcoholic according to the AA questionaire but this is the first time I realized I have a DISEASE.
The problem with me is that after one drink I don't feel much, so I have a second drink. That gives me a buzz and I'm pretty happy and relaxed, more talkative, etc. So I have another, then it's too late- I'll have more, feel fine, then find myself drunk. I'll just fall off the cliff. Most times I can drink 2 drinks and be fine - especially if I go out with friends. However, since I have become drunk several times my husband does not want me to drink at all. So I had taken to drinking behind his back which allowed me to drink more. The final straw was when my husband and kids saw me drunk, unable to walk properly and I didn't even remember that the next day.
So I started to do research and realized I qualify as a classic alcoholic. Some part of me thought (and a little does still) that I could maintain being a social drinker. But according to people's experience and scientific studies that will not be possible. Can an alcoholic ever be a social drinker?
I know that it's time for me to seek help. I looked at the AA site and it really doesn't seem to be me. I am a very private person and not ready to join a group. Also I don't know if knowledge that I have a drinking problem could affect my employment. Do you think it's possible to do it only with willpower and SR?
I have been able to maintain my career, home, family, friends, hobbies with my addiction. However, now I have hurt the children by letting them having them see me drunk. Previously I disappointed my husband many times, but he is my soulmate and never gave up on me. He's everything you could want in a spouse and deserves a better wife. He would be angry, we'd talk about it, I'd promise to change and then I would slip-up again. So I will seek help, it is time.
This is the first time I have really faced my problem. I always thought I could manage it on my own.
Anyway, thank you for this supportive site. I am looking forward to stepping out of the darkness into the light.
Regards, Yoli
The problem with me is that after one drink I don't feel much, so I have a second drink. That gives me a buzz and I'm pretty happy and relaxed, more talkative, etc. So I have another, then it's too late- I'll have more, feel fine, then find myself drunk. I'll just fall off the cliff. Most times I can drink 2 drinks and be fine - especially if I go out with friends. However, since I have become drunk several times my husband does not want me to drink at all. So I had taken to drinking behind his back which allowed me to drink more. The final straw was when my husband and kids saw me drunk, unable to walk properly and I didn't even remember that the next day.
So I started to do research and realized I qualify as a classic alcoholic. Some part of me thought (and a little does still) that I could maintain being a social drinker. But according to people's experience and scientific studies that will not be possible. Can an alcoholic ever be a social drinker?
I know that it's time for me to seek help. I looked at the AA site and it really doesn't seem to be me. I am a very private person and not ready to join a group. Also I don't know if knowledge that I have a drinking problem could affect my employment. Do you think it's possible to do it only with willpower and SR?
I have been able to maintain my career, home, family, friends, hobbies with my addiction. However, now I have hurt the children by letting them having them see me drunk. Previously I disappointed my husband many times, but he is my soulmate and never gave up on me. He's everything you could want in a spouse and deserves a better wife. He would be angry, we'd talk about it, I'd promise to change and then I would slip-up again. So I will seek help, it is time.
This is the first time I have really faced my problem. I always thought I could manage it on my own.
Anyway, thank you for this supportive site. I am looking forward to stepping out of the darkness into the light.
Regards, Yoli
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Yoli.
Welcome - good to have you with us
I can tell you I tried to be a social drinker for 20 years or so.
The only way I ever moved forward was by giving up on the dream I could somehow keep alcohol in my life.
No matter how good my intentions or plans, all bets were off after that first sip...
D
Welcome - good to have you with us
I can tell you I tried to be a social drinker for 20 years or so.
The only way I ever moved forward was by giving up on the dream I could somehow keep alcohol in my life.
No matter how good my intentions or plans, all bets were off after that first sip...
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Yoli)))) - welcome to SR!!
There are many ways to recovery. Though I went to meetings, in the past, I don't now and SR has been a huge part of my recovery. I also have some f2f friends/family who are very supportive.
I, personally, feel it's really important to be able to "talk" to people who understand what it's like to be an alcoholic/addict, and you'll find that here. You may change your mind on meetings, later, but you've made a good start by coming here.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
There are many ways to recovery. Though I went to meetings, in the past, I don't now and SR has been a huge part of my recovery. I also have some f2f friends/family who are very supportive.
I, personally, feel it's really important to be able to "talk" to people who understand what it's like to be an alcoholic/addict, and you'll find that here. You may change your mind on meetings, later, but you've made a good start by coming here.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
Posts: 217
I even tried to bargain with my husband. I have a very stressful job but work part-time. Could I buy one individual serving (6 oz) of wine twice a week to have with dinner? There wouldn't be extra alcohol in the house. I wouldn't drink behind his back. That made him angry. Part of me knows that it could spiral out of control. I have a lot of fun memories of partying with friends and alcohol. Now recent memories are not. I know it sounds weird on a forum like this, but honestly- I will miss it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
No, it doesn't sound weird. Most of us have considered it our only friend. But a friend that we have lost control over...one that has taken over our mind and soul.
You can recover alone...everyone has their own way of trying. I, OTOH, headed straight to AA and rehab. (After about 15 years of jumping through all the hoops)
Both have been very enlightening, supportive and not to mention that friends I've met and the feeling of security I have knowing I am not alone.
There is a new group being started in my area. The CEO was just on my local news. He said rcovery can be achieved alone BUT considering it is a disease you certainly wouldn't sit in your livingroom battling diabetes, etc.
Good Luck in whatever decision you make...and WELCOME!!!! =)
You can recover alone...everyone has their own way of trying. I, OTOH, headed straight to AA and rehab. (After about 15 years of jumping through all the hoops)
Both have been very enlightening, supportive and not to mention that friends I've met and the feeling of security I have knowing I am not alone.
There is a new group being started in my area. The CEO was just on my local news. He said rcovery can be achieved alone BUT considering it is a disease you certainly wouldn't sit in your livingroom battling diabetes, etc.
Good Luck in whatever decision you make...and WELCOME!!!! =)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm not sure you can recover alone actually....maybe there's some who can, but IMO it's the hardest way to do somethings that's really hard to begin with.
I never did AA or any structured programme - but the support I got here @ SR was vital to me, and it continues to be
D
I never did AA or any structured programme - but the support I got here @ SR was vital to me, and it continues to be
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
Posts: 217
Thank you all for your welcome and comments. You really are "my kind of people". This is the first time I've sought help and it feels good. I knew I was somewhat in denial before, but I didn't think I had a BIG problem. Now I do. Look forward to talking to you all. Now my son needs the computer. LOL
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Welcome and best of luck. Rationalization is probably the most difficult part of dealing with alcoholism.
Some people rationalize that they can control their drinking, some people think they don't have a problem. For me, I realized I had a problem but didn't care until I realized how it was affecting those around me.
Take care, this is a great place to find support.
-Josh
Some people rationalize that they can control their drinking, some people think they don't have a problem. For me, I realized I had a problem but didn't care until I realized how it was affecting those around me.
Take care, this is a great place to find support.
-Josh
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yoli,
I spent four and a half years trying to hit, on a reliable basis, that sweet spot between pleasantly buzzed and totally wasted.
I missed a lot more than I hit. And, of course, I always erred on the "wasted" side.
Welcome.
I spent four and a half years trying to hit, on a reliable basis, that sweet spot between pleasantly buzzed and totally wasted.
I missed a lot more than I hit. And, of course, I always erred on the "wasted" side.
Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Hi Yoli and welcome to SR. You have found a wonderful source of support
here at SR.
I am definitely an alcoholic and I have found out the very hard way that I can never, ever be a social drinker. I can't speak for anyone else though.
I have tried to control and/or moderate my drinking and failed thousands of times in the past. I finally realized that when I get really honest with myself
I don't even like the effect of a couple of drinks. (For me it was wine.)
A couple of glasses of wine does absolutely nothing for me, and it set's off
a strong craving for more. The times I stopped after a few and had fun, wasn't so fun at all. The times I got totally out of it drunk were horrible too. So for me, not drinking at all has become my solution. Life is getting better
and better staying sober.
As has been mentioned in this thread, there are many ways to get and stay sober. Doing it alone (while I guess might be possible) just doesn't work for most including myself. I have done intensive individual counseling in the past and it really helped. Currently I use this forum and am attending AA both face to face and online meetings. I do alot of reading of different self help books to. Basically I put my sobriety as the most important thing in my life,
because it really is.
Hope to see alot more of you as you get to know this site. Take care.
here at SR.
I am definitely an alcoholic and I have found out the very hard way that I can never, ever be a social drinker. I can't speak for anyone else though.
I have tried to control and/or moderate my drinking and failed thousands of times in the past. I finally realized that when I get really honest with myself
I don't even like the effect of a couple of drinks. (For me it was wine.)
A couple of glasses of wine does absolutely nothing for me, and it set's off
a strong craving for more. The times I stopped after a few and had fun, wasn't so fun at all. The times I got totally out of it drunk were horrible too. So for me, not drinking at all has become my solution. Life is getting better
and better staying sober.
As has been mentioned in this thread, there are many ways to get and stay sober. Doing it alone (while I guess might be possible) just doesn't work for most including myself. I have done intensive individual counseling in the past and it really helped. Currently I use this forum and am attending AA both face to face and online meetings. I do alot of reading of different self help books to. Basically I put my sobriety as the most important thing in my life,
because it really is.
Hope to see alot more of you as you get to know this site. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
HiYoli and welcome to SR!
I have 8+ months sober and have done so with SR only for support...don't even have family for support. I do have a life coach who helps me deal with the issues that getting sober brought up...the stuff I had buried under bottle of wine.
Nice to have you here.
LaFemme
I have 8+ months sober and have done so with SR only for support...don't even have family for support. I do have a life coach who helps me deal with the issues that getting sober brought up...the stuff I had buried under bottle of wine.
Nice to have you here.
LaFemme
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Flevoland
Posts: 103
Welcome!
Like you I am new to sobriety and have mainly relied on SR, journaling and the support of my husband.
I have two years under my belt of actively trying to quit. My advice is to put as many tools in your toolbox as possible until you find what works for you. I'd love to go on and share some other simple resources but I am due to start cooking my daughters birthday breakfast now..... a feat that a year ago I would have had to drag myself out of bed to do and feel like sh*t the entire time doing it.
Keep up the good work and don't forget to log on to SR if you start feeling urges. =)
Like you I am new to sobriety and have mainly relied on SR, journaling and the support of my husband.
I have two years under my belt of actively trying to quit. My advice is to put as many tools in your toolbox as possible until you find what works for you. I'd love to go on and share some other simple resources but I am due to start cooking my daughters birthday breakfast now..... a feat that a year ago I would have had to drag myself out of bed to do and feel like sh*t the entire time doing it.
Keep up the good work and don't forget to log on to SR if you start feeling urges. =)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
Posts: 217
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I'm not sure you can recover alone actually....maybe there's some who can, but IMO it's the hardest way to do somethings that's really hard to begin with.
I never did AA or any structured programme - but the support I got here @ SR was vital to me, and it continues to be
D
I never did AA or any structured programme - but the support I got here @ SR was vital to me, and it continues to be
D
I think you're right. Since I joined, I have been reading many people's stories, and have only scratched the surface. I plan to seek professional treatment. It sounds like the major consensus was that intervention is important. I also truly believe I can never be a social drinker again. I was on a linear path to destruction of myself and my family. People's stories really opened my eyes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
Posts: 217
Originally Posted by eJoshua
Welcome and best of luck. Rationalization is probably the most difficult part of dealing with alcoholism.
Some people rationalize that they can control their drinking, some people think they don't have a problem. For me, I realized I had a problem but didn't care until I realized how it was affecting those around me.
Take care, this is a great place to find support.
-Josh
Some people rationalize that they can control their drinking, some people think they don't have a problem. For me, I realized I had a problem but didn't care until I realized how it was affecting those around me.
Take care, this is a great place to find support.
-Josh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
Posts: 217
Originally Posted by LexieCat
Yoli,
I spent four and a half years trying to hit, on a reliable basis, that sweet spot between pleasantly buzzed and totally wasted.
I missed a lot more than I hit. And, of course, I always erred on the "wasted" side.
Welcome.
I spent four and a half years trying to hit, on a reliable basis, that sweet spot between pleasantly buzzed and totally wasted.
I missed a lot more than I hit. And, of course, I always erred on the "wasted" side.
Welcome.
This is EXACTLY my strategy- finding the sweet spot. I want to feel relaxed, but when I get relaxed I don't realize I should stop. While having extra drinks I feel fine, but then BOOM - I'm a mess. Then it's too late.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 85
Hi Yoli, and welcome. Like most alcoholics, I wanted to believe that I could moderate my drinking, because I loved it and didn't want to give it up. But the truth is, I always wanted more, so I would end up either drinking till drunk, or gritting my teeth and having less than I really wanted. I've been sober only 30 days, but life is much better without that constant mental battle, not to mention the shame, lies, hangovers etc...
You'll find lots of support here at SR. If you decide you need to also belong to a program, there are many to choose from: AA, SOS, LifeRing, SMART, Rational Recovery etc... All the best!
You'll find lots of support here at SR. If you decide you need to also belong to a program, there are many to choose from: AA, SOS, LifeRing, SMART, Rational Recovery etc... All the best!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: NW SFV, CA
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by yoli
Could I buy one individual serving (6 oz) of wine twice a week to have with dinner?
As I have heard in the rooms of AA: "When I enjoy my drinking I can't control it, and when I control my drinking I can't enjoy it."
Welcome to SR and the world of recovery, Yoli!
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