March7

I know the simple answer- go to an aa meeting and talk to someone. I tried to do that about a year ago, I went to 5 or 6 meetings but just couldn't reach out to anyone for some reason. I am not a shy person. I just felt SOO out of my element. I have been trying to be sober on my own starting this month with limited success. I don't want to go through this exasperating cycle of quit for a week then binge again! Is getting a sponsor the right move? Should I just call aa?
One of my (stupid I know) reasons for not wanting to go to meetings is that I fear running into people I know professionally. Is there something I can tell myself to get over that?

LexieCat

So far as getting a sponsor goes, there are two ways you can go about it. Either way, you should ask if the person has worked the steps with his/her own sponsor (I'm not sure if you're male or female, but you should only consider a same-sex sponsor). You can ask someone who "has what you want" if s/he would be willing to sponsor you. OR you can raise your hand at a meeting and say you are looking for a sponsor.

If you ask someone, sometimes that person won't be able to do it for one of several reasons. In that case, you might ask if they could suggest someone you might ask.

It's always good to have a first meeting, to make sure you are on the same page in terms of what you each expect from the other. People have different "styles" of sponsorship, and some adjust their "style" according to what they think you need.

Look at it this way--it's not so different from asking someone to coach you. It isn't an imposition to be asked--most people are honored and they will do it to help their own sobriety.

So far as the anxiety about running into professional colleagues, it has happened to me a couple of times, and we were both happily surprised to see each other at a meeting. Why would someone at an AA meeting be judgmental toward another alcoholic working to get sober and stay that way? I think it only increased our respect for each other.

March7

Lexie- thank you for your thoughtful reply. I think these are all things I rationally know, but I definitely need to hear it to finally give in and stop being so stubborn about admitting that yes, I need help. I can't let my pride get in the way anymore. I am only hurting myself.

johnnymau

I would also suggest trying to find a meeting that has a designated sponsorship coordinator. That is how I found my first sponsor, we were basically just thrown together, and it worked out very well. I would never have picked this person on my own; we had nothing in common and could barely make small talk. But I was willing to take his direction and he gave me some really good direction. Our relationship wasn't complicated by me trying too hard to impress him or try to be his friend at the expense of my program. I could be honest with him because I wasn't overly concerned about what he thought of me.

Lexie's advice is good, and I certainly have been much more deliberate in choosing sponsors after my first. I think you want to strike a balance between finding someone you can work with, but not holding out for the "perfect" person, especially if you are having issues with relapsing.

Good luck!

laurie6781

A sponsor will not keep you sober. A sponsor will not get you drunk.

There is a pamphlet about sponsorship at many AA meetings, please pick one up and read it. However, it is also on line:

http://aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

This should answer a lot of your questions about sponsorship.

If you have a particular meeting that you like to attend and for now consider it your 'home group' you could also say you are looking for a 'temporary sponsor' and see if anyone contacts you after the meeting.

I too agree, that anyone you ask to be your sponsor, please be sure that they have sponsor and have worked their steps with their sponsor. I M H O it does make a difference.

Love and hugs,

BadCompany

They are there for the same reason you are.

March7

Thanks- I reread what I posted this morning and all of your replies, and the online pamphlet. I am going to my first AA meeting in over a year tomorrow, and this time I will speak up and ask for some guidance. Last year when I went I just sat there silently feeling so uncomfortable, and after a few meetings just stopped trying. I won't let that happen this time.

CarolD

Excellent idea ....time to work on what can benefit
your future......