Busted again-yes again!!! STRESS ! HELP ME!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
Busted again-yes again!!! STRESS ! HELP ME!!!!
Stress and venting!!!!! I don't even know where to begin, or when it will end. As some know I live in a state with laws that make it impossible to keep AH out of the house, so he comes as goes as he pleases. I don't help him, Ijust accept I cannot do a thing for him and keep my sanity, I get it!!!!!
The charges he has about theft by receiving-he truly did not know or simply did not think. Another long story-but the county has a thing called 1-2-3. A major dealer that is facing a long term, give them "someone" and they will walk. That is what happened with AH.
Yesterday, I get a call from the attorney telling me AH is being cuffed and put in the police car along with another person. He knows the policeman and would find out what is going on and call me back. The charges were a long list but lawyer says he would be out-no bond-person he was wilth had to bond out. A different county, and the lawyer is the prosecuting attorney for the county. He basically said he can make "it: go away. This is not my normal attorney, he was the family attorney and now working on my grams trust. And a person who helps me.
Question is what the heck do I do? Everything now is to the point of who I know and just tell them to "fix it". It is complicated to say the least. In return they want AH to tell them EVERYTHING he knows and he could tell them. This is country here-a lot worse than a city, He is scared to death but I am assured noone will be near my house.
Help!!!!!
The charges he has about theft by receiving-he truly did not know or simply did not think. Another long story-but the county has a thing called 1-2-3. A major dealer that is facing a long term, give them "someone" and they will walk. That is what happened with AH.
Yesterday, I get a call from the attorney telling me AH is being cuffed and put in the police car along with another person. He knows the policeman and would find out what is going on and call me back. The charges were a long list but lawyer says he would be out-no bond-person he was wilth had to bond out. A different county, and the lawyer is the prosecuting attorney for the county. He basically said he can make "it: go away. This is not my normal attorney, he was the family attorney and now working on my grams trust. And a person who helps me.
Question is what the heck do I do? Everything now is to the point of who I know and just tell them to "fix it". It is complicated to say the least. In return they want AH to tell them EVERYTHING he knows and he could tell them. This is country here-a lot worse than a city, He is scared to death but I am assured noone will be near my house.
Help!!!!!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
As long as he is living there and involved in all that stupid mess, you are going to be involved, too. I don't see how you can have any kind of serenity or peace-of-mind so long as you are co-habitating with him. If you can't get him to leave, why don't you leave? Anything has to be better than going through this crap all the time.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
momsrainbow
Oh my.....what a mess. If there's something in your state that doesn't allow you to "keep him out of the house", there are always other options.
You may not like the other options that are available to you or you may just not be at a point where you have had enough of the chaos that living with him brings into your life to see that those less than ideal choices are better than living with him.
We all have choices and we all get the opportunity to live with the choices we make. I do know how hard those choices can be sometimes.
I think I used the word "choices" a record number of times in this post.....please forgive my redundancy.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
Oh my.....what a mess. If there's something in your state that doesn't allow you to "keep him out of the house", there are always other options.
You may not like the other options that are available to you or you may just not be at a point where you have had enough of the chaos that living with him brings into your life to see that those less than ideal choices are better than living with him.
We all have choices and we all get the opportunity to live with the choices we make. I do know how hard those choices can be sometimes.
I think I used the word "choices" a record number of times in this post.....please forgive my redundancy.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
I cannot leave my house. Three big dogs, a rent house, a shop and I have grams house to watch over. Obligations, legal and personal. Just impossible to leave. I thought about it but lawyer, police say NO stay home. I can no longer drive because of health, so I am stuck anyway.
Lawyer has called twice and I did not pick the phone up. Have to do some serious thinking. Yes, take care of things and AH will talk or just say NO. No is a simple answer but lawyer and police I am sure will not accept it.
Lawyer has called twice and I did not pick the phone up. Have to do some serious thinking. Yes, take care of things and AH will talk or just say NO. No is a simple answer but lawyer and police I am sure will not accept it.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
If saying no will keep him in jail and away from the house, I think that's the way to go. Why would you want to make his problems "go away?" He needs to face the consequences of his poor choices. I wouldn't help him out of it.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
If no one is living in "Grams House" and you are watching over it, why not stay in it? Make sure he doesn't have keys for it, even if it means changing the locks and stay in it.
That way he can come and go in your house and you do not have to deal with him or his verbal abuse.
Just a thought.
Love and hugs,
That way he can come and go in your house and you do not have to deal with him or his verbal abuse.
Just a thought.
Love and hugs,
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
Staying at grams is an idea, I thought of but dogs cannot go there or take my birds. Plus her house and mine, the property is attached.
I live in Ar. Law says as long as we are married he can come and go as he pleases even though the house was my moms.
He was here and we talked and talked. Sure enough I listened to the same BS for the last 9 yrs. Took a nap-he is GONE. Not at his best friends (non druggie). Friend had told him to take off and run and thought it was funny. He put up the cash for AH bond and I put up my house. So, guess I can say goodbye to my house. AH was supposed to call the lawyer today, that did not happen.
Trying to think is impossible. What I have almost decided is to do nothing, talk to noone and let the chips fall even if it is at my expense. Pull his bond is another option but his court date is not until May so that gives me some hope I will not forfit my house. The lawyer now, another friend I am sure will call, and I will just tell him NO, I do not want him to help AH. Lawyer is the prosecuting attorney in the county he was arrested in yesterday, was going to squish the charges-he can just leave them alone. My cop(more like a brother) can do whatever!!!!!! Even they keep trying to 'HELP' him because I am married to him.
Somebody just prop me up and hit me in the head!!!!!
I live in Ar. Law says as long as we are married he can come and go as he pleases even though the house was my moms.
He was here and we talked and talked. Sure enough I listened to the same BS for the last 9 yrs. Took a nap-he is GONE. Not at his best friends (non druggie). Friend had told him to take off and run and thought it was funny. He put up the cash for AH bond and I put up my house. So, guess I can say goodbye to my house. AH was supposed to call the lawyer today, that did not happen.
Trying to think is impossible. What I have almost decided is to do nothing, talk to noone and let the chips fall even if it is at my expense. Pull his bond is another option but his court date is not until May so that gives me some hope I will not forfit my house. The lawyer now, another friend I am sure will call, and I will just tell him NO, I do not want him to help AH. Lawyer is the prosecuting attorney in the county he was arrested in yesterday, was going to squish the charges-he can just leave them alone. My cop(more like a brother) can do whatever!!!!!! Even they keep trying to 'HELP' him because I am married to him.
Somebody just prop me up and hit me in the head!!!!!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Mom!
I'm sorry to hear about all the distress. I do hope that you find some peace very soon. Hopefully you will not lose the house! Perhaps you should talk to a lawyer of your own instead of your husband's lawyer....just to protect your own interests?
Hugs and prayers, HG
I'm sorry to hear about all the distress. I do hope that you find some peace very soon. Hopefully you will not lose the house! Perhaps you should talk to a lawyer of your own instead of your husband's lawyer....just to protect your own interests?
Hugs and prayers, HG
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
Thanks all. Stress was more than I could handle, This latest mess, I figured out that my friends in a position to help, cops, lawyer etc. I never thought of that before. They think they are helping me by helping him even though they know about the the problems. Lawyer is my family attorney for yrs., yrs. ago I paid him to represent AH. They all called today and check on me and I told them all I was doing ok. Just do what needs to be done with AH and leave me out of it. Sorry if I have sounded like an idiot-just STRESS. It will end sooner or later, of this I am certan!!
ONE PERSON who has been with me from the beginning OF MY sr JOURNEY-LOVE YOU!
ONE PERSON who has been with me from the beginning OF MY sr JOURNEY-LOVE YOU!
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
momsrainbow: Im so sorry your having to go through this, I know how stressful it is..but I would like to offer some advice, since you are on
friendly terms with an attorney and the police have you ever asked
what your legal protection is regarding letting your AH back in the home?
just because his name might be on the deed, that doesnt give him a right
to come and go as he pleases, do illegal things, get arrested, get high
and you HAVE to let him in? why are you involving yourself with his
problems? I see its probaly taking a toll on you if it already hasnt.
after my AH left, it didnt take me long to change the locks. he called
the cops on me and I told them, he is high, his behavior is worrisome
to me and if he would like his things then he can come over with you..
and thats exactly what he did and hasnt been allowed back in the house
since then.
I hope you make the right decisions and stand your ground, you have alot
on your plate and need to worry about yourself, you deserve peace in your life.
friendly terms with an attorney and the police have you ever asked
what your legal protection is regarding letting your AH back in the home?
just because his name might be on the deed, that doesnt give him a right
to come and go as he pleases, do illegal things, get arrested, get high
and you HAVE to let him in? why are you involving yourself with his
problems? I see its probaly taking a toll on you if it already hasnt.
after my AH left, it didnt take me long to change the locks. he called
the cops on me and I told them, he is high, his behavior is worrisome
to me and if he would like his things then he can come over with you..
and thats exactly what he did and hasnt been allowed back in the house
since then.
I hope you make the right decisions and stand your ground, you have alot
on your plate and need to worry about yourself, you deserve peace in your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
Home is in my name. Rent house is mine although I have not transferred title. I live in the State of Ar. and the laws here suck!!!! If there was a legal way, my cop, attorney, and judge friend would know it. My cousin is an international attorney and he cannot come up with a solution. Just sit back and AH will get what he has coming. But the stress will probably kill me.
I listen, sit back and try to make the best. I know nothing I say or do can help AH, nor have I been willing to help him for a long time. His day is fast approaching. This has been a long long journey, with the help of SR I know I may make it.
Guess I am venting and looking for support.
I listen, sit back and try to make the best. I know nothing I say or do can help AH, nor have I been willing to help him for a long time. His day is fast approaching. This has been a long long journey, with the help of SR I know I may make it.
Guess I am venting and looking for support.
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