pacificsunrise

hi guys,

i am currently staying with my parents due to my husband's cocaine use. have been here a little over a week and i am sooooo ready to go home.

i haven't been getting along with my parents particularly well for over 10 years. we don't have many arguments more like annoyances and great differences of opinion and such.

anyways most of the time i can only be around them for a limited amount of time without saying something or getting irritated.

so you can imagine that a week long is veeeeery long time for me.

i don't mean to sound ungrateful, but i just wish that they would recognize the fact that i am grown and just reduce the amount of unasked for advice about everything that i am doing or simply insisting that me and my kids do things the way they think is the right way.

i think that some of you are also parents with grown children and i would like to have your input. i know that they mean well, but they are driving me crazy.

thanks in advance.

suki44883

I know I love my mother more than anything in the world, but there is no way I could ever live with her again. She is a wonderful person, but we have very different opinions about a great many things and it just makes living together intolerable.

Can you make other arrangements? Can you return to the family home and your husband leave? Can you financially afford to get your own place for you and the kids?

pacificsunrise

suki44883

thank you for understanding what i meant. in the past year i would kick him out of the house most of the time when i knew that he went over to his drug using friends. i guess at that time he was still willing to admit that he did drugs and after a while and after numerous promises of going to na or agreeing to random drug tests i would allow him to come back.

how silly of me, b/c none of those things happened. he went to 2 na meetings with me after he had basically nowhere else to go and i "forced" him to. he even spoke at one of them. but according to him he felt worse. he did not identify with any people in the group b/c he is not an addict, we have a nice home, he had a good job and the stories of being homeless or losing everything are just not him.

of course, he does not see that that is where most addictions are leading to.

now he says he hasn't done anything wrong (but wouldn't take the drug test) and will not leave the house. he says that i left by my own choice and am welcome to return whenever i want. ha, ha.

i could wait until he goes to his friends and then go to the house and not allow him to come back, but i did that all last year and also he hasn't been gone anywhere so far that i have caught him.

i also could get my own place, but that would basically deplete all my money, b/c he was the one working and i stayed at home with kids. i have my own business, but right now i haven't been able to work much, hence not much income.

i guess i do have options and in some time i will have to decide what am i gonna do on a more permanent basis.

thank you for listening to me vent. sometimes it helps to just complain, even if you are not quite ready to do anything about it.

thank you so much for listening and being out there

Ann

I'm sorry you are going through this and hope you find some peace soon.

As for your parents...I have had relatives live with me temporarily too and it's hard on everyone.

I think it might help to remember that your own stress may make you testy and the change in their routine may make them testy too. And the children will be scared, not knowing what may happen in their lives, and eventually they may act out too. The perfect set-up for a clash.

Finding private time, and respecting each other's feelings can go a long way toward getting along.

I hope you and your children find some place safe and peaceful soon.

Hugs

pacificsunrise

Ann

thank you for your reply. you are right about everyone sort of being on the edge. that makes our everyday differences of opinion escalate into disagreements. thanks again