new, just here for support!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: North Augusta, SC
Posts: 4
new, just here for support!
Hi everyone! I was just looking up some information about crack addicts on google and found this site then decided to join for some support, since i have it nowhere else. well i do but not the kind i need, like from people that have gone through the same thing and understand. Anyways ill go ahead and speak a little bit about my ********. I am 21 years old about to turn 22 ive been with my husband for 3 years been married for 5 months. 2 out of the 3 years my husband has been addicted to crack along with lots of other horrible flaws. I stupidly married him recently and wish i never did, i mean i love him to death and i know he loves me, he just cant help himself, and over the last couple of years i have been trying my hardest to help him and hoping wishing and praying i could change him.... we both smoke pot i didnt start until i met him, now im on road to recovery. anyways everyone says buying pot opens the door for more drugs, well in his case it did. one day our old dealer gave him some free crack and ever since then he has been addicted. he has no drivers license so of course i would let him borrow my vehicle to go run errands or whatever else. he started to disappear not come home when he was supposed to, stay gone for hours, alot of times just not come home at all. Most of the time he would be trading my car for crack. i used to think he was cheating. after awhile i started to catch on about what was really going on. over the last couple of years he has disappeared at least twice a week. i used to feel weak because i would believe his lies over and over again and let him leave in the car he would tell me im done with that stuff we have to start building the trust again somehow, but it would keep repeating itself. well since we have been married i have stopped letting him take my car. but he has found other ways around that. we have known this guy for about a year nd half now that we met at a gas station he worked at right down road from our house. im embarrassed about this part because im really scared to know what goes on between the two of them. but the guy is gay, he was supposedly both of our friend and a really nice guy. but my husband is very influential i guess, well he has turned him on to have an addiction himself. i dont know if the guy is like in love with my husband or somethin but he buys him any and everything he wants. i have found out that he will buy my husband like $300 worth of crack nd do it with him in one night. so now he disappears with him all the time. there is ALOT more to what goes on in my life but its alot to type. I want to leave him, but like some others have said i feel addicted to him. After 3 years of being with him i have lost contact with everyone i know, and i feel like everyone around this little town knows what im dealing with and they turn their nose up at me. I used to be very outgoing and not afraid of anything before him, now i feel like im nothing without him. I JUST WANT AWAY. I had never been in trouble with the law before him either. since we been together he has gotten 3 criminal domestic violence charges 2 assault and batteries and 2 driving under suspension. i have gotten one crimal domestic violence charge and fighting an assault nd battery that im not guilty for as we speak. im tired of dealing with police courtrooms etc. i just feel like my life is going to **** and spiraling outta control because of him and i cant pull myself away. i just need people to talk to. like i said theres alot more to what goes on, its just alot to type. what i wrote is probably all over the place. but i want to vent and have noone to talk to about it. thank you 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: North Augusta, SC
Posts: 4
wanted to add also that we have a 17 month old little boy together. & that he disappeared yesterday after work when he got paid with the gay friend and have not heard from him at all today, normally he will pop up next morning apologizing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((TiredofBS))) - I'm sorry you didn't get replies, but you will. I hope you come back to check.
FWIW, not only am I a recovering codie (codependent), I'm a recovering crack addict. It's what we call a "double winner" here.
I can tell you that the only thing that got me to "hit bottom" in my crack addiction was facing a LOT of consequences, including jail, homelessness, selling myself on the streets after having lost a nursing career, and other stuff. If you want to read my story, it's on the "what is recovery" forum, I think. I just, recently, celebrated 4 years clean.
I was also as addicted to the 3 XABF's I had, as I was to the dope...actually, I was MORE addicted to them. It's because I couldn't deal with the totally dysfunctional relationship with XABF#1, who I spent over 20 years with, that I decided to try drugs.
As far as the gay friend, I can't say this any way other than bluntly...protect yourself in intimate relationships. I'm not saying he IS doing anything, but I am saying crack will make a person do things they'd never do otherwise.
I would also make sure he has limited or no access to money, any valuables, anything that can be sold for crack. Good for you, on not letting him use your car, but I had my entire household sold for crack, while I was in jail for 4 days..from my dead mother's wedding ring, to my vacuum cleaner!
There are a LOT of people, here, who have gone through or are still going through what you are. When I first got here, I lurked for over a year, and read everything I could. I found out I wasn't alone, that many people had found a way to regain their peace and serenity, but it took work on ME, too.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
FWIW, not only am I a recovering codie (codependent), I'm a recovering crack addict. It's what we call a "double winner" here.
I can tell you that the only thing that got me to "hit bottom" in my crack addiction was facing a LOT of consequences, including jail, homelessness, selling myself on the streets after having lost a nursing career, and other stuff. If you want to read my story, it's on the "what is recovery" forum, I think. I just, recently, celebrated 4 years clean.
I was also as addicted to the 3 XABF's I had, as I was to the dope...actually, I was MORE addicted to them. It's because I couldn't deal with the totally dysfunctional relationship with XABF#1, who I spent over 20 years with, that I decided to try drugs.
As far as the gay friend, I can't say this any way other than bluntly...protect yourself in intimate relationships. I'm not saying he IS doing anything, but I am saying crack will make a person do things they'd never do otherwise.
I would also make sure he has limited or no access to money, any valuables, anything that can be sold for crack. Good for you, on not letting him use your car, but I had my entire household sold for crack, while I was in jail for 4 days..from my dead mother's wedding ring, to my vacuum cleaner!
There are a LOT of people, here, who have gone through or are still going through what you are. When I first got here, I lurked for over a year, and read everything I could. I found out I wasn't alone, that many people had found a way to regain their peace and serenity, but it took work on ME, too.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
it is what it is
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
welcome tired - loving an addict is tiring and frustrating and can be devastating- my son is the addict in my life and i tried for a long time to save him - staying in the chaos in the hopes i could do something that would make a difference, but i came to realize that the decisions are his to make and that when he did decide to make some good decisions he would need me and the rest of his family showing him a good example of how to live a life of recovery - please take some time to consider yourself and your child first - my prayers are with you as you find your way - please come here to share - there are so many with compassionate hearts and much experience and wisdom here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: North Augusta, SC
Posts: 4
thank you guys sooo much for the support , it really means alot to me!! well its the third day i havent heard from him yet , i think its the longest i havent heard from him when he disappears. but its cool, i finallyyyy created a facebook page yesterday & started to find all my old friends..i actually hung out with a few last night to help me from sitting around the house worrying my self to death about where he is what hes doing or what might be wrong. it felt good to do something with my friends and not his for the first time in yearssss! just what i needed 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR.......I'm sorry that you didn't get replies as quickly as you wanted. That happens sometimes but it has more to do with people being busy than it has to do with not caring about you.
I understand what you mean about feeling addicted to your husband. That is often referred to as codependence. We become as addicted to our addicted loved one as they are to their substance of choice.
Unfortunately, we often try desperately to change the addict. We become engaged with their crazy making behaviors and we begin to do things that are out of character for us. It becomes the dance of addiction.....and even though we aren't using, we're right in there dancing with them.
You are so young and you have so much wonderful life in front of you. If you are ready to stop dancing, there are many things you can do. Read the stickies at the top of this forum. Pick up the book "CoDependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It directly addresses that issue of being addicted to the addict. And check out the internet to see if there are any Naranon meetings (or Alanon if there are no Naranon meetings) that you can attend.
It is very difficult to love an addict. We all understand how you feel. We all have addicts in our lives whom we love dearly. Some of them are in recovery......some of them are still actively using. But the most important thing is that we are trying to find serenity whether our loved one is using or not.
Keep coming back. You are not alone.
gentle hugs
ke
I understand what you mean about feeling addicted to your husband. That is often referred to as codependence. We become as addicted to our addicted loved one as they are to their substance of choice.
Unfortunately, we often try desperately to change the addict. We become engaged with their crazy making behaviors and we begin to do things that are out of character for us. It becomes the dance of addiction.....and even though we aren't using, we're right in there dancing with them.
You are so young and you have so much wonderful life in front of you. If you are ready to stop dancing, there are many things you can do. Read the stickies at the top of this forum. Pick up the book "CoDependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It directly addresses that issue of being addicted to the addict. And check out the internet to see if there are any Naranon meetings (or Alanon if there are no Naranon meetings) that you can attend.
It is very difficult to love an addict. We all understand how you feel. We all have addicts in our lives whom we love dearly. Some of them are in recovery......some of them are still actively using. But the most important thing is that we are trying to find serenity whether our loved one is using or not.
Keep coming back. You are not alone.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
One little thing I might add.......if you put some spaces in your posts it helps the reader a lot! I usually try to put breaks in every two or three sentences so that the readers can read it easier. Sometimes long posts without breaks are skipped over because they are more difficult to digest. Just a little suggestion that might help you in future posts get faster responses!
gentle hugs
ke
gentle hugs
ke
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Tired, and Welcome to SR!
Friday afternoons and through the weekends are a bit slower around here! You have found a wonderful place!!
Keep reading, especially the "stickies" at the top of each forum. Keep asking questions and sharing. We do understand.
Hugs and prayers, HG
Friday afternoons and through the weekends are a bit slower around here! You have found a wonderful place!!
Keep reading, especially the "stickies" at the top of each forum. Keep asking questions and sharing. We do understand.
Hugs and prayers, HG
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
tiredofBS
i understand just how you feel. i have been on the roller coaster w/ my husband for over 2 years and actually even longer before i even realized what was going on.
just recently i have left w/ my kids (again!) and am staying w/ my parents, but it is still hard for me not to think about him or what is he doing.
he has admitted to me to using cocaine for longer than i cared to know (over 5 years) and more than likely even before we were married. i wish that i had know that then. i'm not sure if it would have made a difference but i think that it might have. now 2 kids and 3rd on the way later i am still battling his demons.
don't feel bad about marrying him or beat yourself up about things in the past. there was a reason for them then and we all did things back then that we know better now. thinking about past regrets only keeps you from moving forward and you are on the right track.
please keep coming back. i wish i had more time to write. i will definitely try to keep on checking with you. best wishes. stay strong.
i understand just how you feel. i have been on the roller coaster w/ my husband for over 2 years and actually even longer before i even realized what was going on.
just recently i have left w/ my kids (again!) and am staying w/ my parents, but it is still hard for me not to think about him or what is he doing.
he has admitted to me to using cocaine for longer than i cared to know (over 5 years) and more than likely even before we were married. i wish that i had know that then. i'm not sure if it would have made a difference but i think that it might have. now 2 kids and 3rd on the way later i am still battling his demons.
don't feel bad about marrying him or beat yourself up about things in the past. there was a reason for them then and we all did things back then that we know better now. thinking about past regrets only keeps you from moving forward and you are on the right track.
please keep coming back. i wish i had more time to write. i will definitely try to keep on checking with you. best wishes. stay strong.
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