husband using cocaine
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husband using cocaine
i am new to SR and to forums in general, actually it is my first time doing this kind of thing so i'm a little nervous.
i have been dealing with my husband's cocaine use since 2008 (i wasn't sure of it at the time, but i am now). we have 2 small children and i am currently pregnant with our 3rd. most of last year i have spent either kicking him out every time i would be sure that he used (at least 5 times) or leaving with kids to stay with my parents. currently i have been at my parents' house for 8 days. my husband denied that he used last week, however refused to take a drug test. i am looking for support in dealing with my guilt and with my going back in hope of things finally getting back to normal.
thank you in advance for your support.
i have been dealing with my husband's cocaine use since 2008 (i wasn't sure of it at the time, but i am now). we have 2 small children and i am currently pregnant with our 3rd. most of last year i have spent either kicking him out every time i would be sure that he used (at least 5 times) or leaving with kids to stay with my parents. currently i have been at my parents' house for 8 days. my husband denied that he used last week, however refused to take a drug test. i am looking for support in dealing with my guilt and with my going back in hope of things finally getting back to normal.
thank you in advance for your support.
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pacificsunrise
Welcome to SR......I'm glad you found us. There's no reason to be nervous. You are in a place with so many people who love someone who is addicted to drugs. We understand how difficult it is and how crazy making it is. You will find that we share our stories, our strength and hope.
Usually one of the first things that we might suggest is reading the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum, reading a wonderful book by Melody Beattie called Codependent No More and seeking support from a face to face group such as Naranon or Alanon. These are the things we can do for ourselves to help us cope with our addicted loved one. We learn that we cannot control the addict but we can control ourselves and our behavior and reactions. These are the things that get me through each day.
I hope you'll stick around. You are not alone.
gentle hugs
Welcome to SR......I'm glad you found us. There's no reason to be nervous. You are in a place with so many people who love someone who is addicted to drugs. We understand how difficult it is and how crazy making it is. You will find that we share our stories, our strength and hope.
Usually one of the first things that we might suggest is reading the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum, reading a wonderful book by Melody Beattie called Codependent No More and seeking support from a face to face group such as Naranon or Alanon. These are the things we can do for ourselves to help us cope with our addicted loved one. We learn that we cannot control the addict but we can control ourselves and our behavior and reactions. These are the things that get me through each day.
I hope you'll stick around. You are not alone.
gentle hugs
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
Welcome to SR pacificsunrise, please know that we are here for you, we all share and feel what your going through. For me, in december 2009 after 26 years of marriage I came here thinking about seeking help for my AH, I remember someone in town said to me "take care of yourself" and I thought..are you kidding me? my AH needs help! I have to help him, I can
help him cause I love him. sadly, it wasnt the case pacificsunrise. it took me a long time to understand that. however, I learned from here and in person meetings that addiction is truly a disease that the person themselves has to get help. Yes we can guide them, yes we can love them, yes we can have hope, but ultimately they are the ones who control their destiny, same goes for us.
Please read the stickies on here, post freely, keep reading other posts, attend meetings if you can, educate yourself about addiction and learn coping skills...I wouldnt be here today saying this if it werent the truth.
most importantly please know your not alone, take it slow and in time you will see positive results.
help him cause I love him. sadly, it wasnt the case pacificsunrise. it took me a long time to understand that. however, I learned from here and in person meetings that addiction is truly a disease that the person themselves has to get help. Yes we can guide them, yes we can love them, yes we can have hope, but ultimately they are the ones who control their destiny, same goes for us.
Please read the stickies on here, post freely, keep reading other posts, attend meetings if you can, educate yourself about addiction and learn coping skills...I wouldnt be here today saying this if it werent the truth.
most importantly please know your not alone, take it slow and in time you will see positive results.
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Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Welcome....
Glad that you have found us and I really hope that you will stick around. I first came here in 2005 and I wouldn't trade my SR family for anything. I had no idea how little I knew about addiction, drugs, recovery, and my role in it all when I first got here. This is a great place to come to learn about all of this.
The sticky's at the top of our forum are what really first opened my eyes up to the reality of all of this. I read and read and read - I saw people like Ann, Greeteach Day, Teke, (and all of the other wonderful people that are too many to name....) and they had something that I wanted - serenity. You can get it to but it definitely takes work....but it is worth it.
You have the added complexity of having children in the middle of the situation. Sometimes it is our love for our children that propel us into getting better ourselves. Hopefully, your husband will get sober but truly, the only thing that you can do is take care of yourself and your children. My husband was a cocaine/crack abuser and he had to decide to get sober for himself and not for any other reason.
Welcome....keep coming back. Don't be afraid to post....we are definitely an understanding group.
Glad that you have found us and I really hope that you will stick around. I first came here in 2005 and I wouldn't trade my SR family for anything. I had no idea how little I knew about addiction, drugs, recovery, and my role in it all when I first got here. This is a great place to come to learn about all of this.
The sticky's at the top of our forum are what really first opened my eyes up to the reality of all of this. I read and read and read - I saw people like Ann, Greeteach Day, Teke, (and all of the other wonderful people that are too many to name....) and they had something that I wanted - serenity. You can get it to but it definitely takes work....but it is worth it.
You have the added complexity of having children in the middle of the situation. Sometimes it is our love for our children that propel us into getting better ourselves. Hopefully, your husband will get sober but truly, the only thing that you can do is take care of yourself and your children. My husband was a cocaine/crack abuser and he had to decide to get sober for himself and not for any other reason.
Welcome....keep coming back. Don't be afraid to post....we are definitely an understanding group.
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tam
thank you for your message. i am still hoping that i can somehow help him to get a grip on reality. i think that i am doing a little better this time b/c i'm not asking him to do things such as go to support group or get into treatment. it is still hard though. and what you said about taking care of myself is so true. i feel that i am still wrapped up in him and his actions instead of focusing my time on how to make myself feel better. i think about him almost constantly, maybe because it is still so fresh. maybe with time i will learn not to worry about what it is that he is doing or whether he is hanging out with his drug using friends.
thanks again.
thank you for your message. i am still hoping that i can somehow help him to get a grip on reality. i think that i am doing a little better this time b/c i'm not asking him to do things such as go to support group or get into treatment. it is still hard though. and what you said about taking care of myself is so true. i feel that i am still wrapped up in him and his actions instead of focusing my time on how to make myself feel better. i think about him almost constantly, maybe because it is still so fresh. maybe with time i will learn not to worry about what it is that he is doing or whether he is hanging out with his drug using friends.
thanks again.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Pacificsunrise))) - Welcome to SR!!
I'm what they call, here, a "double winner". I'm in recovery for my own addiction (crack cocaine) and also for my codependency.
I have found tremendous support, here, on both recoveries. Having small children and another on the way, makes it harder, and your emotions are probably all over the place, but you really can learn how to focus on yourself and your babies.
When I first got here, I didn't even have a clue who I was (I'd been so wrapped up in dysfunctional relationships with A's (addicts/alcoholics)) and I, most certainly, had no idea of how to take care of myself.
I read, and read, and read some more. I realized I wasn't alone, and I learned from what others were going through or had been through.
SR is great, but a LOT of people find it really helpful to go to al-anon or nar-anon meetings. Something about having f2f people who "get" what you're going through is very helpful.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm what they call, here, a "double winner". I'm in recovery for my own addiction (crack cocaine) and also for my codependency.
I have found tremendous support, here, on both recoveries. Having small children and another on the way, makes it harder, and your emotions are probably all over the place, but you really can learn how to focus on yourself and your babies.
When I first got here, I didn't even have a clue who I was (I'd been so wrapped up in dysfunctional relationships with A's (addicts/alcoholics)) and I, most certainly, had no idea of how to take care of myself.
I read, and read, and read some more. I realized I wasn't alone, and I learned from what others were going through or had been through.
SR is great, but a LOT of people find it really helpful to go to al-anon or nar-anon meetings. Something about having f2f people who "get" what you're going through is very helpful.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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lightseeker,
thank you for your support. i agree with the importance of learning as much as possible about your loved one's addiction. as soon as i found out about my husband's use, i read any material that i could find on the topic. that knowledge has helped me out tremendously. now at least i can say that i am no longer mad at him for his addiction. i understand that other than choosing to try cocaine, it is not entirely his fault b/c he himself cannot control the urges or his need to use. i still wish that i could help b/c it is so hard to watch him in his own reality that is so far from the truth.
thanks again for your warm welcome
thank you for your support. i agree with the importance of learning as much as possible about your loved one's addiction. as soon as i found out about my husband's use, i read any material that i could find on the topic. that knowledge has helped me out tremendously. now at least i can say that i am no longer mad at him for his addiction. i understand that other than choosing to try cocaine, it is not entirely his fault b/c he himself cannot control the urges or his need to use. i still wish that i could help b/c it is so hard to watch him in his own reality that is so far from the truth.
thanks again for your warm welcome
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Impurrfect,
thank you for welcoming me to SR. i have read some of your other posts and i really appreciate your sincerity. i have never used cocaine and it makes it really hard for me to understand the cravings and the loss of control that comes with it. how is it that such otherwise loving people transform into just strangers who have no interest in much of anything. my husband was always a caring person, about anyone not just his family and now i can barely recognize him sometimes. and what is really scary to me is that i didn't even notice how did it get to this point. any comment is welcome.
thank you so much. :help
thank you for welcoming me to SR. i have read some of your other posts and i really appreciate your sincerity. i have never used cocaine and it makes it really hard for me to understand the cravings and the loss of control that comes with it. how is it that such otherwise loving people transform into just strangers who have no interest in much of anything. my husband was always a caring person, about anyone not just his family and now i can barely recognize him sometimes. and what is really scary to me is that i didn't even notice how did it get to this point. any comment is welcome.
thank you so much. :help
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Pacificsunrise....
You have come to the right place. I came here Dec 2010 in complete devastation over my husband of 20+ yrs admitting to a serious opiate addiction.
I had no idea how many similar stories I would hear. How much empathy, support & advice I would receive.
It had been going on for 6+ yrs. I felt scared, betrayed, and stupid. How did I not know. I had a brief hydrocodone addiction after a surgery. It scared me to death. Shouldn't I have realized what was going on?
I had said so many times, I felt like Alice in Wonderland & I had fell down a rabbit hole. Somebody was losing there mind & I felt it was mine. After I decided that I didn't care anymore what was going on, I couldn't do "this" anymore. I decided to leave New Years. Start my life fresh. He either figured it out or felt it, but he confessed a week before I left. I agreed to stay if he quit & went to rehab. He did. It's been over 90 days & we work on it a day at a time. My biggest fear is waiting for the other shoe to drop & it to all come back. But I try not to fall into that trap.
I knew my wonderful husband for 15 yrs. Then I met his oxy alter ego. Now I am getting to know a whole knew husband. It's our new normal. We will never be that same couple. But who is? I am just trying to make it a great & better new reality. And if it isn't, then I am able now to be real & take care of myself & my kids.
That is the one thing I do know!
Good luck
You have come to the right place. I came here Dec 2010 in complete devastation over my husband of 20+ yrs admitting to a serious opiate addiction.
I had no idea how many similar stories I would hear. How much empathy, support & advice I would receive.
It had been going on for 6+ yrs. I felt scared, betrayed, and stupid. How did I not know. I had a brief hydrocodone addiction after a surgery. It scared me to death. Shouldn't I have realized what was going on?
I had said so many times, I felt like Alice in Wonderland & I had fell down a rabbit hole. Somebody was losing there mind & I felt it was mine. After I decided that I didn't care anymore what was going on, I couldn't do "this" anymore. I decided to leave New Years. Start my life fresh. He either figured it out or felt it, but he confessed a week before I left. I agreed to stay if he quit & went to rehab. He did. It's been over 90 days & we work on it a day at a time. My biggest fear is waiting for the other shoe to drop & it to all come back. But I try not to fall into that trap.
I knew my wonderful husband for 15 yrs. Then I met his oxy alter ego. Now I am getting to know a whole knew husband. It's our new normal. We will never be that same couple. But who is? I am just trying to make it a great & better new reality. And if it isn't, then I am able now to be real & take care of myself & my kids.
That is the one thing I do know!
Good luck
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BarelyHere,
thank you for your post. it is so hard to have our lives revolve around the lives of addicts. at least your husband was willing to go to rehab and get some help. i do understand the agony of knowing if and when it is going to happen again, i had it all of last year, and like you said you have to take it one day at a time.
thanks again.
thank you for your post. it is so hard to have our lives revolve around the lives of addicts. at least your husband was willing to go to rehab and get some help. i do understand the agony of knowing if and when it is going to happen again, i had it all of last year, and like you said you have to take it one day at a time.
thanks again.
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hello guys,
i just wanted to let everyone know that last night i had a first peaceful night of sleep since i left home. i honestly have to thank each and everyone of you for sharing your stories with me.
i wasn't constantly debating with myself about whether i have made the right decision or not, whether he is really using or am i making more of it than there really is etc, etc...
thank you for my peace of mind (for right now anyway).
i just wanted to let everyone know that last night i had a first peaceful night of sleep since i left home. i honestly have to thank each and everyone of you for sharing your stories with me.
i wasn't constantly debating with myself about whether i have made the right decision or not, whether he is really using or am i making more of it than there really is etc, etc...
thank you for my peace of mind (for right now anyway).
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hi guys,
i'm back with some more questions. my husband keeps calling and texting me and if i don't reply he calls my parent's house. tonight he called and i could hear my mom tell him that i am not sick etc, etc... then when i called him back and asked why is he bothering my parents with his conjured up stuff he didn't want to talk any more and hung up.
then he send me a text saying that he supports me in getting long term mental care for my mental illness, which by the way i was never diagnosed with not do i have. i had post partum depression after my first child not after the second one.
why is he doing this? any ideas
also i am so fed up with him right now and so ready to go back to my home that i want to know if there is any legitimate way to get him out of there. in the past i would usually just tell him not to come back after he hung out with his drug friends, but this time he won't get out.
i also have a home based business that i am unable to run unless i constantly go back to the house and expose myself to constant badgering about my "mental illness and need to go see a therapist".
please help. any advice is welcome.
i'm back with some more questions. my husband keeps calling and texting me and if i don't reply he calls my parent's house. tonight he called and i could hear my mom tell him that i am not sick etc, etc... then when i called him back and asked why is he bothering my parents with his conjured up stuff he didn't want to talk any more and hung up.
then he send me a text saying that he supports me in getting long term mental care for my mental illness, which by the way i was never diagnosed with not do i have. i had post partum depression after my first child not after the second one.
why is he doing this? any ideas
also i am so fed up with him right now and so ready to go back to my home that i want to know if there is any legitimate way to get him out of there. in the past i would usually just tell him not to come back after he hung out with his drug friends, but this time he won't get out.
i also have a home based business that i am unable to run unless i constantly go back to the house and expose myself to constant badgering about my "mental illness and need to go see a therapist".
please help. any advice is welcome.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Pacific Sunrise.....I don't know if any of this will help, but I'll try.
Before my husband admitted & briefly after, he constantly berated my about my sanity. I constantly second guessed my own sanity. He took everything I said & twisted it to his advantage. After much counseling, I have learned this is projecting. His guilt, his addict brain, etc... pushing it off on me. That is how he dealt with it. There brain isn't thinking right & down deep they know it. But they are angry that we are doing what we have to do. And they lash out. You have made him angry, threatened his lifestyle, and embarassed him. Now he is going to do the same to you.
I left for a night several times. Then I realized that I am not the one who had made a mess of our life. He did & I wasn't leaving. I did not have to do what I was prepared to do, but this was my plan.
I was going to tell him not to come back. Find someplace else to stay until he admitted his problem & went to get help. If he had refused, I was prepared to call the police. Domestic disturbance. Tell them he was under the influence & threatening me. Have him go to jail & be tested. Get a restraining order. Don't back down. You did not make the decisions that are changing your life. Let him live with the consequenses.
I realized at some point that if I kept putting up with his crap, then why would he change? He had his wife, kids, house, someone to cook, clean, pay the bills & he got to do what ever he wanted to do!
Good luck, keep strong, take care of yourself.
Before my husband admitted & briefly after, he constantly berated my about my sanity. I constantly second guessed my own sanity. He took everything I said & twisted it to his advantage. After much counseling, I have learned this is projecting. His guilt, his addict brain, etc... pushing it off on me. That is how he dealt with it. There brain isn't thinking right & down deep they know it. But they are angry that we are doing what we have to do. And they lash out. You have made him angry, threatened his lifestyle, and embarassed him. Now he is going to do the same to you.
I left for a night several times. Then I realized that I am not the one who had made a mess of our life. He did & I wasn't leaving. I did not have to do what I was prepared to do, but this was my plan.
I was going to tell him not to come back. Find someplace else to stay until he admitted his problem & went to get help. If he had refused, I was prepared to call the police. Domestic disturbance. Tell them he was under the influence & threatening me. Have him go to jail & be tested. Get a restraining order. Don't back down. You did not make the decisions that are changing your life. Let him live with the consequenses.
I realized at some point that if I kept putting up with his crap, then why would he change? He had his wife, kids, house, someone to cook, clean, pay the bills & he got to do what ever he wanted to do!
Good luck, keep strong, take care of yourself.
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BarelyHere,
thank you for responding. your post helps tremendously. you are right, i also do question what he is saying as being true. after my firstborn was born (4 yrs ago) he had everyone around us convinced that i was going through postpartum depression (i went to the doctor and they diagnosed me with anxiety) and i was so stressed out and sleep deprived that i had a breakdown, ended in hospital for 2 mths, and actually was diagnosed w/ postpartum after all that mess, because at that point i was actually really depressed.
so it is very scary for me to think of those days and even more scary to think that it could happen again. i am not saying that he caused my depression, but all the stress of dealing w/ him and his use (which i wasn't aware of at the time) has definitely contributed to it.
once again thank you so much. it does really help.
thank you for responding. your post helps tremendously. you are right, i also do question what he is saying as being true. after my firstborn was born (4 yrs ago) he had everyone around us convinced that i was going through postpartum depression (i went to the doctor and they diagnosed me with anxiety) and i was so stressed out and sleep deprived that i had a breakdown, ended in hospital for 2 mths, and actually was diagnosed w/ postpartum after all that mess, because at that point i was actually really depressed.
so it is very scary for me to think of those days and even more scary to think that it could happen again. i am not saying that he caused my depression, but all the stress of dealing w/ him and his use (which i wasn't aware of at the time) has definitely contributed to it.
once again thank you so much. it does really help.
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hello
i am wondering if i should take any action on my part as far as reporting anything or not. from what i read it seams that i should be more proactive. currently i'm just not returning any of his calls or texts b/c it is emotionally too draining and it does not help me any.
i am afraid that if he makes the first move it would make his story more legitimate. also i know that coke stays in your system for only 3-4 days (urine test) and about 90 days w/ hair sample, but i am not sure if they would test hair samples.
and also where would i start. i am not at the point where i want him arrested unless absolutely necessary, but i do want him to leave the house and leave me and the kids alone as long as he is not seeking any treatment.
any advice?
i am wondering if i should take any action on my part as far as reporting anything or not. from what i read it seams that i should be more proactive. currently i'm just not returning any of his calls or texts b/c it is emotionally too draining and it does not help me any.
i am afraid that if he makes the first move it would make his story more legitimate. also i know that coke stays in your system for only 3-4 days (urine test) and about 90 days w/ hair sample, but i am not sure if they would test hair samples.
and also where would i start. i am not at the point where i want him arrested unless absolutely necessary, but i do want him to leave the house and leave me and the kids alone as long as he is not seeking any treatment.
any advice?
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Hey PS, Welcome!
I've been living with my cocaine addicted boyfriend for 3 years now. We live in NY. My parents live in FL. And unless I want to re-locate I really have nowhere to go long term. So I know how you feel to have to deal with your significant other and their addiction and everything that comes with it, even the drug addict friends.
Cocaine only stays in the urine for that amount of days if the person is a once in awhile user. If your husband uses a lot, as in frequently/ or large amounts, like my BF does it'll show up! If you plan on testing him, try it. You can get a test for 15 bucks at CVS or wherever drug store you have. Just dont give him a heads up because he can drink one of those things that flush your system or disguise the drugs.
That thing he's doing, by turning the situation around on you, and trying to make you feel like you're the wrong one, or "crazy" one is typical behavior! Like BarelyHere said, he's projecting emotion. He's doing that, he's not willing to take full responsibility for his wrongs, ect. When I object to my boyfriends drug abuse, and try to explain to him how wrong he is, he will rant and yell how I'm crazy, selfish, this and that. He even goes so far to tell me that I'm a selfish, horrible person because I don't have time between 2 jobs to do his laundry for him!! The thing is he really believes it. Your husband is so dellusioned from his drug abuse that he has no grip on what this reality is. He only knows his own reality. My point is, until he is ready to admit, own up to his wrongs, ect you will always be the "big bad wolf" as I am to my boyfriend. And anything that can make you be that bad guy, whether it's fictional made up nonsense or trivial crap, will be said and thrown around.
It's not easy hearing things like that, or constantly being put down ect, because we are only human and we do get hurt, but please don't second guess yourself. Always remember, that it's him, and there's reasons why he's doing this to you!
Also, if you go see a therapist it doesn't mean you are crazy! If you can go, GO! I've been going to my therapist now for about 2 months now. Within that time, she has taught me techniques and pushed me to take care of myself!! I was so busy all these years worrying about my boyfriend that I had no idea how to take care of myself anymore and completely lost myself! Going to therapy will help you get through this, if it's an option for you!
As far as your last post goes, I understand you don't want to get legal issues involved just yet. Does he have family you can reach out to?
I've been living with my cocaine addicted boyfriend for 3 years now. We live in NY. My parents live in FL. And unless I want to re-locate I really have nowhere to go long term. So I know how you feel to have to deal with your significant other and their addiction and everything that comes with it, even the drug addict friends.
Cocaine only stays in the urine for that amount of days if the person is a once in awhile user. If your husband uses a lot, as in frequently/ or large amounts, like my BF does it'll show up! If you plan on testing him, try it. You can get a test for 15 bucks at CVS or wherever drug store you have. Just dont give him a heads up because he can drink one of those things that flush your system or disguise the drugs.
That thing he's doing, by turning the situation around on you, and trying to make you feel like you're the wrong one, or "crazy" one is typical behavior! Like BarelyHere said, he's projecting emotion. He's doing that, he's not willing to take full responsibility for his wrongs, ect. When I object to my boyfriends drug abuse, and try to explain to him how wrong he is, he will rant and yell how I'm crazy, selfish, this and that. He even goes so far to tell me that I'm a selfish, horrible person because I don't have time between 2 jobs to do his laundry for him!! The thing is he really believes it. Your husband is so dellusioned from his drug abuse that he has no grip on what this reality is. He only knows his own reality. My point is, until he is ready to admit, own up to his wrongs, ect you will always be the "big bad wolf" as I am to my boyfriend. And anything that can make you be that bad guy, whether it's fictional made up nonsense or trivial crap, will be said and thrown around.
It's not easy hearing things like that, or constantly being put down ect, because we are only human and we do get hurt, but please don't second guess yourself. Always remember, that it's him, and there's reasons why he's doing this to you!
Also, if you go see a therapist it doesn't mean you are crazy! If you can go, GO! I've been going to my therapist now for about 2 months now. Within that time, she has taught me techniques and pushed me to take care of myself!! I was so busy all these years worrying about my boyfriend that I had no idea how to take care of myself anymore and completely lost myself! Going to therapy will help you get through this, if it's an option for you!
As far as your last post goes, I understand you don't want to get legal issues involved just yet. Does he have family you can reach out to?
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QteeKitty
how funny, i was posting to your thread about your boyfriend and at the same time you were answering to my thread. wow.
i wanted to thank you for your support. it helps me to know that others are going through the same things, of course it makes me sad to know that there are so many of us.
my husband will not take the test if i ask him to, he only claims that he hasn't done anything wrong. as he is not doing it around me, i cannot be sure, even though deep down i do know (but have no proof). otherwise, what reason would you have to go visit your cocaine using friends who are also dealers or have constant contact with them.
right now i am staying with my parents and hoping to get him out of the house, so me and the kids can go back.
as far as his family goes, he stayed with them in November and confessed to them the use, although i don't think that he told them everything. it did seem that they did take it seriously then, but they did not think that he needed any kind of treatment. according to them all he needed to do is stop.
when i left to stay w/ my parents, i did call his mom and told her about it and she seemed to agree w/ me and said that they would talk to him. of course he denied everything, put all blame on me and the last i talked to them they had basically told me that we need to work this out and that they do not want to get involved.
of course, that's what they told me. i know that they talk to him daily and they do not include me, so i'm pretty sure that they do not understand the severity of the situation nor do they want to.
and why would they when it's so much easier to blame everything on their daughter in law who has deserted their son.
anyways, sorry to ramble on.
thank you for your support and good luck to you.
how funny, i was posting to your thread about your boyfriend and at the same time you were answering to my thread. wow.
i wanted to thank you for your support. it helps me to know that others are going through the same things, of course it makes me sad to know that there are so many of us.
my husband will not take the test if i ask him to, he only claims that he hasn't done anything wrong. as he is not doing it around me, i cannot be sure, even though deep down i do know (but have no proof). otherwise, what reason would you have to go visit your cocaine using friends who are also dealers or have constant contact with them.
right now i am staying with my parents and hoping to get him out of the house, so me and the kids can go back.
as far as his family goes, he stayed with them in November and confessed to them the use, although i don't think that he told them everything. it did seem that they did take it seriously then, but they did not think that he needed any kind of treatment. according to them all he needed to do is stop.
when i left to stay w/ my parents, i did call his mom and told her about it and she seemed to agree w/ me and said that they would talk to him. of course he denied everything, put all blame on me and the last i talked to them they had basically told me that we need to work this out and that they do not want to get involved.
of course, that's what they told me. i know that they talk to him daily and they do not include me, so i'm pretty sure that they do not understand the severity of the situation nor do they want to.
and why would they when it's so much easier to blame everything on their daughter in law who has deserted their son.
anyways, sorry to ramble on.
thank you for your support and good luck to you.
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