hi can anyone help with my problems?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: london
Posts: 52
hi can anyone help with my problems?
hi my name is Richard im 40 and my life started to collapse a few years ago,i started my own business a few years ago,i put all my efforts into making this a success, unfortunately my wife decided to leave me as i spent more time working than with her.i only started the business for her so that we would have more.
after she left i went on a downward spiral resulting in crack cocaine herion and diazapam addiction (i don't do things by half) anyway i managed to get onto a methadone prescription and a diazapam prescription,i have been on this for 4 years trying to reduce this in this time i have become a recluse i dont answer my door or phone and avoid social situations like the plague.i managed to get of the diazapam but not the meth but i never found happiness
My experiences have lead me to believe that although your body repairs its self to how it was before, but MY BRAIN did not recover.
i brought diazapam on the black market and found that it felt like a big grey cloud had been lifted from me,i went to my drug councillor and they put me on a reduction program from the diazapam and as each reduction was made my withdrawal from life began again ie i became a recluse and all the things that went with it.i have gone along with this for the past year and although my dose got less my mental condition didnt get better.
thanks for sticking with me if your still reading here is were it gets interesting
last week i was at my lowest,not eating washing,brushing my teeth basically could not care about anything life had no reason,i was at my happiest when i was asleep,which was becoming harder and harder.
on monday i brought some black market diazapam and have found that by uping my dose by 10 mg my life has totally changed,here is my day if your intreasted
1st i went to bed early,normally i cant sleep
i got up at 8.am, normally lunchtime
had a shower first time in ages i have done this in the am
Shaved and brushed my teeth,i know some of you know how this can go out the window when your not mentally in a good place
checked email spoke to some old contacts ive wanted to in ages but never had the confidance.managed to get thing sorted and work coming through.
Got dressed and cared what i looked like.
walked to town had a hair cut i should of done months ago
HERES MY PROBLEM
having explained al this to my drug worker she told me that she has to reduce my diazapam but is willing to put me on anti depressants,that are addictive and no proof that they will work but she cant give me diazapam as there addictive.
HOW DO i stop going back to how i was for years trying to reduce then get clear of this drug that seems to make me function like im on fire i feel so good to not felling as low and reclusive as i did.
thanks to anyone who managed to keep up with my ramplings
any advice would be greatly receieved
Thanks in advance
Richard:
after she left i went on a downward spiral resulting in crack cocaine herion and diazapam addiction (i don't do things by half) anyway i managed to get onto a methadone prescription and a diazapam prescription,i have been on this for 4 years trying to reduce this in this time i have become a recluse i dont answer my door or phone and avoid social situations like the plague.i managed to get of the diazapam but not the meth but i never found happiness
My experiences have lead me to believe that although your body repairs its self to how it was before, but MY BRAIN did not recover.
i brought diazapam on the black market and found that it felt like a big grey cloud had been lifted from me,i went to my drug councillor and they put me on a reduction program from the diazapam and as each reduction was made my withdrawal from life began again ie i became a recluse and all the things that went with it.i have gone along with this for the past year and although my dose got less my mental condition didnt get better.
thanks for sticking with me if your still reading here is were it gets interesting
last week i was at my lowest,not eating washing,brushing my teeth basically could not care about anything life had no reason,i was at my happiest when i was asleep,which was becoming harder and harder.
on monday i brought some black market diazapam and have found that by uping my dose by 10 mg my life has totally changed,here is my day if your intreasted
1st i went to bed early,normally i cant sleep
i got up at 8.am, normally lunchtime
had a shower first time in ages i have done this in the am
Shaved and brushed my teeth,i know some of you know how this can go out the window when your not mentally in a good place
checked email spoke to some old contacts ive wanted to in ages but never had the confidance.managed to get thing sorted and work coming through.
Got dressed and cared what i looked like.
walked to town had a hair cut i should of done months ago
HERES MY PROBLEM
having explained al this to my drug worker she told me that she has to reduce my diazapam but is willing to put me on anti depressants,that are addictive and no proof that they will work but she cant give me diazapam as there addictive.
HOW DO i stop going back to how i was for years trying to reduce then get clear of this drug that seems to make me function like im on fire i feel so good to not felling as low and reclusive as i did.
thanks to anyone who managed to keep up with my ramplings
any advice would be greatly receieved
Thanks in advance
Richard:
Last edited by rizlaman; 03-18-2011 at 05:30 AM. Reason: missed a word out
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome riz - glad you're here....
First off I'm glad you're talking with someone about your drug use (you mentioned seeing your "drug worker" - is that a counselor or a doctor?) Unfortunately, I think your information about anti-depressants isn't quite right.
What you are doing (the valium and other drugs you mentioned) are extremely addictive. If you're combining it with other drugs you're playing with fire. On the other hand, anti-depressants are NOT mood altering - and hence not addictive in the same sense that other drugs are.
I think a psychiatrist would help you understand the interaction of the drugs on your life/personality and be able to sort through what other issues need to be addressed and how. Lots of us self-medicated with different substances, but it doesn't turn out well in the end.
Keep reading and posting and check out the section on this forum for Substance Abuse.......:ghug3
First off I'm glad you're talking with someone about your drug use (you mentioned seeing your "drug worker" - is that a counselor or a doctor?) Unfortunately, I think your information about anti-depressants isn't quite right.
What you are doing (the valium and other drugs you mentioned) are extremely addictive. If you're combining it with other drugs you're playing with fire. On the other hand, anti-depressants are NOT mood altering - and hence not addictive in the same sense that other drugs are.
I think a psychiatrist would help you understand the interaction of the drugs on your life/personality and be able to sort through what other issues need to be addressed and how. Lots of us self-medicated with different substances, but it doesn't turn out well in the end.
Keep reading and posting and check out the section on this forum for Substance Abuse.......:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi Richard and welcome to SR!
I'm not familiar with the drugs you are having problems with but I think artsoul has a point and perhaps you should get a second opinion from another drug worker.
LaFemme
I'm not familiar with the drugs you are having problems with but I think artsoul has a point and perhaps you should get a second opinion from another drug worker.
LaFemme
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Richard, welcome to SR
"My experiences have lead me to believe that although your body repairs its self to how it was before, but MY BRAIN did not recover" without you working and working hard in some sort of recovery program you are absolutely correct that your brain will not recover. Other than seeing your drug worker are you participating in any type of recovery program? There are all types of programs available many free of charge that will help YOU recover mentally not just physically. As you know drugs are not the answer, they might make you feel better temporarily but they will likely kill you in the long run.
I hope you at least stick around here, read all you can and post often.
"My experiences have lead me to believe that although your body repairs its self to how it was before, but MY BRAIN did not recover" without you working and working hard in some sort of recovery program you are absolutely correct that your brain will not recover. Other than seeing your drug worker are you participating in any type of recovery program? There are all types of programs available many free of charge that will help YOU recover mentally not just physically. As you know drugs are not the answer, they might make you feel better temporarily but they will likely kill you in the long run.
I hope you at least stick around here, read all you can and post often.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Laying down new tracks
Originally Posted by rizlaman 
"My experiences have lead me to believe that although your body repairs its self to how it was before, but MY BRAIN did not recover."
"drug worker she told me that she has to reduce my diazapam but is willing to put me on anti depressants,that are addictive and no proof that they will work but she cant give me diazapam as there addictive."
"HOW DO i stop going back to how i was for years trying to reduce then get clear of this drug that seems to make me function like im on fire..."
Richard:
"drug worker she told me that she has to reduce my diazapam but is willing to put me on anti depressants,that are addictive and no proof that they will work but she cant give me diazapam as there addictive."
"HOW DO i stop going back to how i was for years trying to reduce then get clear of this drug that seems to make me function like im on fire..."
Richard:
Your post makes me VERY, VERY SAD, because I suffered from a bout of depression that lasted for almost 6 years after I lost my career and everything I owned, from 2001-2007. I truly believed that my deep depression had actually done physical brain damage and that I would NEVER feel normal in my life again. I was tried on every SSRI and antidepressant out there. I'm glad I didn't find illegal drugs then, because I'm sure I'd have used them.
Here's the deal. The drugs you are on are making you worse, even while you think they are making you better. The class of drugs you are on should be medically supervised in withdrawal, so don't take this as medical advice to do it alone. I happened upon a book called WORRY by Hallowell, and that simple little book allowed me to understand that the deep depression I was in was a NORMAL response to a bad life situation. No one had ever told me that before. I still needed help, but I no longer felt brain damaged. That was my first step up and out of depression.
I did get help, but not from drugs. Counseling helped, but as soon as I knew I could heal, I started to do so.
I am giving you my opinion here, backed up by scientific fact. Yes, you HAVE damaged your brain with drugs. The bad tracks to pleasure centers are ruined, outa-here, bye-bye. You can't use them anymore, except with drugs. That's why you feel TEMPORARILY better when you take them. A little won't work, so you need more and more. It isn't a fix.
Antidepressants are not addictive, so I wonder what kind of doctor you were talking to. You need to taper off them, but not because they are addictive. Ask again.
Back to BRAIN DAMAGE. Hey, only the tracks are ruined. The deal is, you have to lay new ones. You have not yet learned that. It is what you must now do if you ever want to be free of drugs again. You CAN do it. But, laying new tracks entails repeating the same GOOD behavior over and over until it becomes a habit.
You start with things you know make other people feel better, SHOULD make YOU feel better. Like eating better and moving around. At first those things won't make you feel better because they are tracks you haven't yet laid. Especially moving around, exercise. At first you have to ACT AS THOUGH YOU FEEL BETTER. Seriously. Keep repeating it. It doesn't take very long before you actually DO start to feel better.
Counselors call this Cognitive Behavior Training. I'm not a counselor, and I can't stand to go to them, frankly. It irritates me to have someone else tell me the behavioral changes I have to make, so I would rather make up my own. So I did.
One thing that does NOT work? Doing NOTHING.
But forget the diazepam. It is NOT the answer to your problem. The FAKE feeling that you NEED it, that it EMPOWERS you -- those are "addict brain" lies that you need to learn to recognize, because they will only keep you FROM what you need to do.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
Richard,
I'm so sorry to hear how difficult life has been for you. The drugs only make it worse, I'm sure.
It seems your drug worker/counselor isn't seeing the full picture. Are you certain she has all the facts she needs? I definitely agree that seeing psychiatrist is a great idea. And you might consider monitored detox and a inpatient treatment program. This way withdrawl will be monitored and you'll have doctors readily available to help with your depression as well. From what I've seen, starting on the road to recovery from addiction is extremely, extremely difficult for those who are also severely depressed. You definitely need proper medical care, possibly around the clock for the moment, in order to get started in a healthy manner.
I'm so sorry to hear how difficult life has been for you. The drugs only make it worse, I'm sure.
It seems your drug worker/counselor isn't seeing the full picture. Are you certain she has all the facts she needs? I definitely agree that seeing psychiatrist is a great idea. And you might consider monitored detox and a inpatient treatment program. This way withdrawl will be monitored and you'll have doctors readily available to help with your depression as well. From what I've seen, starting on the road to recovery from addiction is extremely, extremely difficult for those who are also severely depressed. You definitely need proper medical care, possibly around the clock for the moment, in order to get started in a healthy manner.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: london
Posts: 52
wow im bowled over by your help and care
hi thanks for reading my story i had to share it with someone as i felt i was banging my head against a brick wall.
im on a methadone reduction program and also a diazapam reduction program,its just that i managed to get off the diazapam and was making good in roads into my methadone reduction,when for some reason i just hit a wall and relapsed again.i have dne this before and as your aware its sole destroying ending up back in the same place as before when should be wiser.im going to take my time and read over your kind words and see what i draw from them.
im sure you understand all i want is to be myself again,i dont want to be off my head,i just want my brain and life back.
thanks again for you help
Richard
im on a methadone reduction program and also a diazapam reduction program,its just that i managed to get off the diazapam and was making good in roads into my methadone reduction,when for some reason i just hit a wall and relapsed again.i have dne this before and as your aware its sole destroying ending up back in the same place as before when should be wiser.im going to take my time and read over your kind words and see what i draw from them.
im sure you understand all i want is to be myself again,i dont want to be off my head,i just want my brain and life back.
thanks again for you help
Richard
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by rizlaman
is willing to put me on anti depressants,that are addictive and no proof that they will work but she cant give me diazapam as there addictive.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Richard,
I have taken antidepressants for many years now because of chronic depression and it took a few tries to find one that work and some adjusting of the dosage, but it's all good now. I hope you re-consider your drs advice.
I have taken antidepressants for many years now because of chronic depression and it took a few tries to find one that work and some adjusting of the dosage, but it's all good now. I hope you re-consider your drs advice.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Welcome to SR Richard.
I've never heard of anti-ds being addictive either. If you got that advice from your drug worker I think you owe yourself a second opinion.
Have you got a doctor you can see? It might be a good idea in any case.
D
I've never heard of anti-ds being addictive either. If you got that advice from your drug worker I think you owe yourself a second opinion.
Have you got a doctor you can see? It might be a good idea in any case.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: london
Posts: 52
thanks so far
after your help and words im going to see my regular doctor. not my drug worker,
the problem is in the uk they have appointment that are only 15 mins long and its difficult to say what you want to when you feel pressured that they just want to get rid of you,
i also know a pharmacist but he tells me that doctors and pharmacists like him are offered back handers by the major drug companys to use there products so i dont know who to believe.
thats why i thought id ask people like your kind selfs that have or are experiencing similar situations as me
thanks again youve been a big help already
the problem is in the uk they have appointment that are only 15 mins long and its difficult to say what you want to when you feel pressured that they just want to get rid of you,
i also know a pharmacist but he tells me that doctors and pharmacists like him are offered back handers by the major drug companys to use there products so i dont know who to believe.
thats why i thought id ask people like your kind selfs that have or are experiencing similar situations as me
thanks again youve been a big help already
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Richard, I'm sorry you are in this place. I'm not familiar with the drugs you're taking now, but I definitely identify with, in some senses, feeling worse when you quit using or drinking, when you've been self-medicating depression or some other emotional/mental illness! It's something I've dealt with for years.
If I could have given failedtaper's response double thanks, I would have.
Antidepressants are not addicting, but there are many classes and types of antidepressants, mood stabilisers and anti-anxiety meds out there and unfortunately it can be difficult to find the right one, or the right "cocktail" of meds. I'm glad you're going to see your doctor; hopefully he or she has some experience with cross-addictions and psychotropic meds.
All doctors/dentists/clinics are courted by pharm salespeople....conscientious doctors don't let that influence their decisions.
I can't remember if we're allowed to post links to other forums here and we're quite rightly not to offer medical advice, but I have a link to a really good site on different psych meds and a useful forum, if you want to PM me.
If I could have given failedtaper's response double thanks, I would have.
Antidepressants are not addicting, but there are many classes and types of antidepressants, mood stabilisers and anti-anxiety meds out there and unfortunately it can be difficult to find the right one, or the right "cocktail" of meds. I'm glad you're going to see your doctor; hopefully he or she has some experience with cross-addictions and psychotropic meds.
All doctors/dentists/clinics are courted by pharm salespeople....conscientious doctors don't let that influence their decisions.
I can't remember if we're allowed to post links to other forums here and we're quite rightly not to offer medical advice, but I have a link to a really good site on different psych meds and a useful forum, if you want to PM me.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Hi rizlaman - not much I can add, but I'm so glad you found SR. This is a wonderful place that helped save my life a few years ago. I no longer felt alone when I came here for comfort and wisdom. I'm glad you have the desire to reach out for a new life for yourself.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
appointments are 15 mins here in Australia too Richard but you can ask for a longer one here - it may be the same there?
I agree with Stevie on the conscientious Dr thing too - they are out there
D
I agree with Stevie on the conscientious Dr thing too - they are out there
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: london
Posts: 52
hi steve i will im you i have to do 5 posts first so as soon as i get there i will.
Everyone one has helped with there experiences and for once i feel im not stuck in these for walls on my own, i feel ill be coming back hear daily as i have learned more and felt more positive than i have in years,i know that a happy life is out there,i just have to be stronger and share how ive felt instead of bottling it up and telling everyone im fine when im not.if im not honest how can anyone help?
thanks again for your support it means alot
Richard
hope you all have a good weekend
Everyone one has helped with there experiences and for once i feel im not stuck in these for walls on my own, i feel ill be coming back hear daily as i have learned more and felt more positive than i have in years,i know that a happy life is out there,i just have to be stronger and share how ive felt instead of bottling it up and telling everyone im fine when im not.if im not honest how can anyone help?
thanks again for your support it means alot
Richard
hope you all have a good weekend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: london
Posts: 52
morning all hope your feeling good today,im determined to change things today so im going to see my doctor and try and get a script for citalopram as i have heard good reports about these,including people that are close to me.
nothing ventured nothing gained
chin up
Richard
ill let you know how i get on
nothing ventured nothing gained
chin up
Richard
ill let you know how i get on
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: london
Posts: 52
stevie your right about the reps courting up to dentist dr etc they used to do the same to me when i had my opticians,all part of the world i suppose ,just have to have a open mind and give them a chance
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Hi Rizlaman - Just wanted to welcome you to SR. As you have already found
out this is a wonderful place for support. Good for you to make an appointment to go see your Doctor. Maybe write down your questions
and concerns before hand, and do ask for more time as Dee suggested.
Hope to get to know you more on this forum.
I'm usually here late at night, early in the wee hours of the morning USA/Pacific Coast time. I work nights and still have trouble sleeping
although I've been sober for 2 months now. Changing your life can be
a hard thing to do, but my experience so far is that it is well worth it.
Take care.
out this is a wonderful place for support. Good for you to make an appointment to go see your Doctor. Maybe write down your questions
and concerns before hand, and do ask for more time as Dee suggested.
Hope to get to know you more on this forum.
I'm usually here late at night, early in the wee hours of the morning USA/Pacific Coast time. I work nights and still have trouble sleeping
although I've been sober for 2 months now. Changing your life can be
a hard thing to do, but my experience so far is that it is well worth it.
Take care.
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