feeling the loss tonight

Old 03-17-2011, 08:10 PM
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feeling the loss tonight

My kids have been away all week with XH and his nutty family, my friends are all on assorted spring breaks with their families, and I feel like kind of a misfit because of how different my life is from theirs.

I have enjoyed myself. I have read, I have written in my journal, I have done a lot at work, I have gone out to supper and to a party. It's been good and I don't regret the time off from parenting. I just feel kind of blue and teary tonight about the way things have turned out for me.

It is definitely better than living with an A and struggling everyday, but the cold, hard reality can be kind of sad sometimes. That's all. Thanks for listening.
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Old 03-18-2011, 03:42 AM
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Thank you for sharing. I am on the verge of my own divorce and I'm really scared, sad, and lonely. I'm sad about what my life will become.

I know it's the 'right' thing to do... But my heart is telling me not yet.

Hang in there Stella.
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Old 03-18-2011, 04:27 AM
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Stella I think it is very hard when our dream of a normal life just disappears and we finally realize it is not going to happen. Not only are you moving away from what you thought was going to be a happy part of your life you are accepting that maybe you had a part in creating the situation because of codependency. To me, that was a reality that often made me take pause because it made me realize I had put myself where I was. But it also helped me realize I could take myself out of it.

It was lonely for me sometimes when I had to be quiet and listen to my head and what it was telling me to do--that was good for me. I think it is often hard for us to take care of ourselves and for some reason we want that warm fuzzy blanket that we think we have--but it really was never there.

For me, when I started to create my own warm fuzzy blanket of a life, the loneliness went away. When I started to take care of me I felt more empowered. It even helped me to enjoy myself and not worry when xah has the kids (also because I now know he is not drugging and drinking when he has them so I know they are safe).

I am sorry you are feeling a down today. Maybe go to a meeting to remind yourself how the changes in your life are good-even as hard as they are.

Thinking about you today and hoping you find some peace and happiness today.
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Old 03-18-2011, 04:37 AM
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:ghug3

How are you doing with the HALT rule? hungry, angry, lonely, tired?

We don't have to be happy all the time....... in fact I don't know what that is lol..... happiness for me is self compassion and contentment about where I am emotionally .... a very different perspective from my self hate, self boycott, self torturing thoughts.

We can feel all the colors of the rainbow..... we are human beings.
The good news is that things change then you can really enjoy them. I realized this when a friend with $$ came back from the beach I just visited, too. I had a really good time, a very spiritual time, wonderful really.

I asked her how her trip had been like and she looked bored and replied "ah it was good.. but now I am tired.."

I thought how she is so used to going to nice places and so on, there's no magic or interest for her anymore. And I valued the fact that I've been enclosed in my room in the dark because the day I woke up early to see the sunrise in the beach with my mom it was wonderful and so special, and a beautiful sunrise and I was there totally alive and present.

I think I am rambling but hope you got the message also you know what else, I got back to the gym and now I am too exhausted to even think.... sports have been great therapy...
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