When will it stop????
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Murray Utah
Posts: 153
When will it stop????
WOW, yesterday was quite the day!! First, my 20 yr old AS was caught huffing carb cleaner at the house he lives at.
It is his friends grandparents house so both my son and his friend live there. The grandparents are in their 90's and the grandpa has alzheimers so there pretty oblivious as to what is going on in their basement.
Well yesterday my son's friends mom went there to clean like she always does and the house reaked of carb cleaner, she went into the basement and my son was out of it... she told him to leave and he wouldnt, she called me and told me to come get him.. I said no, call the police so she did. I decided to drive over there to get his clothes and the cops were leaving cause he took off. Even though I had a ache in my heart and a hole in my stomach I was hoping they would arrest him....
The night goes on and he is calling and texting please can I come home.. I said NO blah, blah blah... he called my parents who have awlays given him a soft cush pillow to land on... they said NO.... So now he has no where to go. He walked to the local emergency room and said he was suicidal... In the mean time he is calling and texting me.. please mom I will stop, please mom please dont throw me out on the streets. I said, Son I am not throwing you out on the streets YOUR choosing to live on the streets due to your bad choices. I love you very much but you will not come home and subject me and your little sisters to this anylonger. I stopped answering the calls and texts. WHICH WAS VERY HARD!!! I am glad I did not go the hopsitla like I awlays do....He said he has no where to go so he went to the ER to claim suicide so he could go to the inpatient mental health facility he just got out of 2 months ago. I really think the ONLY reason he went cause he figured me and mty parents would rush over there to "save" him and bring him home, but it back fired...
Apparently he was taken to a inpatient cirsis center... but not quite sure where he is.
I need to stay strong and not let him come home, I hope I can stay strong!! This is so hard, but I know in the heart it is the right thing.
It is his friends grandparents house so both my son and his friend live there. The grandparents are in their 90's and the grandpa has alzheimers so there pretty oblivious as to what is going on in their basement.
Well yesterday my son's friends mom went there to clean like she always does and the house reaked of carb cleaner, she went into the basement and my son was out of it... she told him to leave and he wouldnt, she called me and told me to come get him.. I said no, call the police so she did. I decided to drive over there to get his clothes and the cops were leaving cause he took off. Even though I had a ache in my heart and a hole in my stomach I was hoping they would arrest him....
The night goes on and he is calling and texting please can I come home.. I said NO blah, blah blah... he called my parents who have awlays given him a soft cush pillow to land on... they said NO.... So now he has no where to go. He walked to the local emergency room and said he was suicidal... In the mean time he is calling and texting me.. please mom I will stop, please mom please dont throw me out on the streets. I said, Son I am not throwing you out on the streets YOUR choosing to live on the streets due to your bad choices. I love you very much but you will not come home and subject me and your little sisters to this anylonger. I stopped answering the calls and texts. WHICH WAS VERY HARD!!! I am glad I did not go the hopsitla like I awlays do....He said he has no where to go so he went to the ER to claim suicide so he could go to the inpatient mental health facility he just got out of 2 months ago. I really think the ONLY reason he went cause he figured me and mty parents would rush over there to "save" him and bring him home, but it back fired...
Apparently he was taken to a inpatient cirsis center... but not quite sure where he is.
I need to stay strong and not let him come home, I hope I can stay strong!! This is so hard, but I know in the heart it is the right thing.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,898
You are doing the right thing. If you keep giving in, he'll keep doing what he's doing. I know it's hard, but for both of your sakes, stand your ground. He'll either get it or he won't, but at least you won't be contributing to it. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Wow, you've got a very manipulative son there.
I'm pulling for ya on this one. Stay strong and consistent. Once he "gets it" that you will not cave, he will let up and the manipulation won't always be at this high level.
So now inpatient crisis care is the new welfare?
(just being a little sarcastic).
I'm pulling for ya on this one. Stay strong and consistent. Once he "gets it" that you will not cave, he will let up and the manipulation won't always be at this high level.
So now inpatient crisis care is the new welfare?
(just being a little sarcastic).
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I think you are doing just fine!!!!! He is finally being allowed to handle the consequences of his own actions all by himself. You are giving him that gift of dignity. I know your heart hurts for your precious child, though. My thoughts and prayers are with you and all who love your son.
Hugs, HG
Hugs, HG
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
I know how hard it is but if you allow him to take responsibility of himself, make some decisions on his own, end up wherever he chooses, who knows, it may turn out better in the end.
Keep your focus on yourself and your other children. One of my favorite slogans is "Act as If" . . . just act as if your life is serene and you are not stressed out of your mind, the longer you're able to do it each time the better you'll feel. One minute at a time and the minutes add up.
Keep your focus on yourself and your other children. One of my favorite slogans is "Act as If" . . . just act as if your life is serene and you are not stressed out of your mind, the longer you're able to do it each time the better you'll feel. One minute at a time and the minutes add up.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Murray Utah
Posts: 153
It is so hard, but I am confident with how I am handeling it.. Well like 90% confident... of course I want to help him, but know I cant.. This is all nothing but a manipulation and I see right through it!!!
The place he stayed at last night sent him on his way this morning, apparently he took the bus and is with my other duaghter who is his twin and her boyfriend.
I will stay strong and tell him NO.
The place he stayed at last night sent him on his way this morning, apparently he took the bus and is with my other duaghter who is his twin and her boyfriend.
I will stay strong and tell him NO.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I think you have every reason to feel confident in your choice and you are helping him and yourself, by letting him help himself. Whatever his motivations, he did what he knew to do to get himself through a rough spot, and he did it by himself. You let go and you're both OK 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Murray Utah
Posts: 153
Thanks all for your kind words!! This site helps me stay strong and keep things in perspective!! He just sent me a text, which I did NOT respond too, but said: Mom I have a job interview at taco bell.
I want to say COOL or when or good luck, but feel like if I do it will open the door to the next text.. can I come home now?
I want to say COOL or when or good luck, but feel like if I do it will open the door to the next text.. can I come home now?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
If some random person off the street wanted to put you and your family through this kind of hell and insisted somehow it was your duty to oblige, you would have a few choice words and enough confidence to crush that person with your pinky finger.
Amazing how when it's a child, there's just some kind of filter to the outrage and fortitude. Like kryptonite to your Superman. Finding the strength to stand up to it seems impossible.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are doing the right thing. We can't say that enough. It's the hardest thing, but the right thing.
Please stay strong. For your son, stay strong.
Best wishes,
Alice
Amazing how when it's a child, there's just some kind of filter to the outrage and fortitude. Like kryptonite to your Superman. Finding the strength to stand up to it seems impossible.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are doing the right thing. We can't say that enough. It's the hardest thing, but the right thing.
Please stay strong. For your son, stay strong.
Best wishes,
Alice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Murray Utah
Posts: 153
What do I do for fun hummmmm not a whole lot these days, but I have started walking at night with my 12 yr old AND I decided to buy a brand new pop-up tent trailer, so I will be able to get away and looking forward to it
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Oy! "Jr." talked about many "job interviews" and "job opportunities" that somehow never actually happened.
I hope your son does have an interview with Taco Bell, that he gets the job, saves his money, and gets his own apartment! Wouldn't that be wonderful!?
Oh well, as (Kindeyes) says. Only time will tell with all of our A children!
Huge hugs, HG
I hope your son does have an interview with Taco Bell, that he gets the job, saves his money, and gets his own apartment! Wouldn't that be wonderful!?
Oh well, as (Kindeyes) says. Only time will tell with all of our A children!
Huge hugs, HG
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Those sound like fun..camping and walking..any girls nites?My girlfriends and I have game nite..cheap and fun...My sponsor said "When you take your eyes off of them, things change" ..I experienced it like...removing all the energy I spent on my daughter, stopped feeding the disease..it not only wants your money, but your energy.Removing the focus off the sick people really changes the dynamic..and like I said..so much free time when we give them back their problems!
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
enodm
I understand how difficult it was for you to hold your ground with this going on. My son has also threatened suicide so many times that I can't begin to tell you. It tears my heart out but I can't let him know that. It is the ultimate in cruel manipulations.
Letting go, for me, was letting go of his choices entirely. He can choose to use, he can choose to recover, he can choose to end his life, he can choose to change his life. The bottom line is that I have no control over any choices he makes and am not responsible for those choices.
It is so very hard when they use our love as a weapon against us. The best thing we can do for them and for ourselves is to neutralize that power and allow them to take full ownership of their words, thoughts, threats, and deeds. It doesn't make it any easier though......
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
I understand how difficult it was for you to hold your ground with this going on. My son has also threatened suicide so many times that I can't begin to tell you. It tears my heart out but I can't let him know that. It is the ultimate in cruel manipulations.
Letting go, for me, was letting go of his choices entirely. He can choose to use, he can choose to recover, he can choose to end his life, he can choose to change his life. The bottom line is that I have no control over any choices he makes and am not responsible for those choices.
It is so very hard when they use our love as a weapon against us. The best thing we can do for them and for ourselves is to neutralize that power and allow them to take full ownership of their words, thoughts, threats, and deeds. It doesn't make it any easier though......
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Here to send huggs. I can relate & I know how difficult it is to say no when we as parents have to let them deal w/themselves. I had to do something different b/c I kept "saving" them & they just kept going deeper into a black hole. I knew I was getting pulled in every time I tried to help.
Congrats on taking care of youself
Congrats on taking care of youself
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
My daughter has slept in her car, too, in the large parking lots at 24/7 businesses. The last time she did that was because she was talking back to me, it had nothing to do with drugs. Waking up early in the heat with the sun beating down her, did her a world of good 
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
dear enodm,
i am not sure if i'm in the right place. first i want to send out my prayers to you. i know it is so hard on you.
i am dealing with my husbands cocaine addiction. i left with my 2 kids a week ago and am staying with my parents. this is not the first time. he claims that i am having hormonal issues (i'm currently pregnant) and also that i am borderline personality and that i have major depression none of which is true.
this morning my mom found a gift bag with flowers and a card for me and toys for the kids on the front doorstep. i am having a hard time dealing with him being such a nice guy and pretending that i am the one who chose to leave because i'm having issues. i'm asking for advice from you or anyone with similar experiences. thanks a lot in advance.
i am not sure if i'm in the right place. first i want to send out my prayers to you. i know it is so hard on you.
i am dealing with my husbands cocaine addiction. i left with my 2 kids a week ago and am staying with my parents. this is not the first time. he claims that i am having hormonal issues (i'm currently pregnant) and also that i am borderline personality and that i have major depression none of which is true.
this morning my mom found a gift bag with flowers and a card for me and toys for the kids on the front doorstep. i am having a hard time dealing with him being such a nice guy and pretending that i am the one who chose to leave because i'm having issues. i'm asking for advice from you or anyone with similar experiences. thanks a lot in advance.
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