Steve86

Last night's meeting was a topic meeting and when w went around the taable and all shared like every other Tuesday 8PM mtg. I was 11th out of 12 to talk and while i was speaking, a fellow across from me was laughing. I paused and askled him what was so funny? He looked puzzled like he did nothing wrong, i then toold hime to show me the respect that we have all shown him tonite. I immediatley passed then left afterr the meeting. Today i skipped a mtg. I tried to call my sponsor but left 2 messages.

My question is: Was I right in doing so? or was it my ego getting in the way and saying "it's all about you steve" I will not make amends directly to this individual as we have never seen eye2eye in the past either. Just throwin it out there looking for some iinput

DayTrader

Steve, best to ask AA questions in the AA section of the forum "12 Step Recovery"

You'll get responses from folks with plenty of experience on the matter and a lot less guessing, conjecture, and hypothesizing.

As to your question, I assume you're new to recovery and if that be the case, we tend to show up pretty raw - and easy to offend/hurt. Laughing in meetings used to make me upset. I mean, this is serious stuff, yanno? Over a bit of time though, if you stick around long enough, you'll find meetings and the people can be hilarious.

Other than the occasional jack a$$, I've virtually never seen anyone go out of their way to hurt another AA attendee. I've seen plenty of tough love......but veeeeeeery rarely an overtly hurtful act.

As I tell the guys I'm sponsoring...... the answer to your question is "I don't know." It could be you were easily upset and should have forgiven them, maybe you were right in telling the to STFU, maybe it was both.......but maybe it was neither. I know - not much help.

The person to ask is your Biggest Sponsor.... the "God of YOUR understanding." He/She/It is really the best one to go to.

Hope that helps.

Look forward to seeing you down in the 12-step section.

Soberween

That was rude of him. You were right to call him out on it. This is a life threatening disease and there is a time for laughter at meetings, but there is more importantly time to address serious issues individually that could affect your sobriety and since everyone else received uninterrupted floor time to speak, you deserve this as well. I probably would have left it at "what's so funny?" but I'm a bit too passive at times. I just hope you go back to your meeting.

luckedog

Part of my job requires that I speak to small and large groups of people. I always find it offensive when people in the audience talk out loud, tell jokes, laugh out loud, and other rude behavior. When the roles are reversed, and I am in the crowd being spoken to, I always try to give the speaker the courtesy I would like extended to me. I seldom say anything about it in public as I chalk it up to bad manners. Most don’t realize how distracting it can be unless they are in the position to have it done to them. Try to take it with a grain of salt and not let it affect the point you are trying to make.

GodsHolyWill

I sure hope you don't let this incident keep you from your meetings which are so helpful to you! Life will sometimes throw us a curve-ball!

Aysha

I am not a real meeting goer. But I have been to my fair share. And regardless, just out of common courtesy, that person was wrong. I guess it could all come down to why he was laughing. But really IMO he should have showed more respect. And I think the chair should have addressed that. But I say good for you for speaking your mind. This is a very serious issue we are dealing with. Life or death. And that kind of behavior is just rude and disrespectful.
So what if you were being all about Steve. Thats what your suppose to be.
Just dont let one person keep you away from your recovery. It is important to maintain that any and every way possible. Now this person knows you wont tolerate his rudeness. So hopefully he got the message.
Good luck and dont sweat the small ****.

Veritas1

It seems like you reacted quickly, and like a confrontation.

I understand that it felt like you were being laughed at so defended yourself.

Who knows...I wasn't there.

I have actually asked someone if they had a problem as well!

What are you going to do.

Definately don't stay away from meetings over it.

Try to let it go.

"God save me from being angry"..."We realized people were perhaps sick". (How it works chapter in the Big Book)

Sometimes it has to do with our perceptions as well, in that he may not have been laughing at you. It just appeared that way.

With such a small group, it was probably more noticeable for sure...

Some people laugh nervously, or make agreement sounds when others are sharing.

Maybe it wasn't meant to be personal or with harm.

Forgive and let it go.

That there is some sort of history with the person...not seeing eye to eye in the past...may indicate some sort of underlying resentment and as soon as you were offended...it triggered the response/reaction...

May have to do with past stuff, and this was just a final reaction to it all.

stephnc

Just my two cents, but I don't think you owe him an amends. He was inconsiderate and I think you had every right to call him on it...as long as you weren't rude yourself when you did. I've noticed that people rarely address poor behavior during meetings (not that I see a lot of it) and I think that's detrimental to the whole group if someone is distracting others and keeping them from getting what they need. Sometimes people do need to be reined in a bit.

And like others have said, please don't let it keep you from going to another meeting if you're so inclined. You certainly did the right thing to post your feelings here, especially if you couldn't get hold of your sponsor.

yeahgr8

You know its your ego:-)

Funny the things that push our buttons isn't it...oh well no real damage done, get back to the meetings and be the bigger guy and make light of what happened...let us know how you get on...

NoelleR

I'm not so far spiritually/recovereed advanced to be asble to say whether you were right or wrong. I can look and say that perhaps the other individual was, by most folks' standards, a wee on the rude side.......but let us look at you; I'm betting that he's already forgotten the incident; moved on to bigger 'n better things.....

So.........what about you.....? This incident occurred the evening of 3/15 (your usual 8PM Tues. nite mtg), and here you are 24hrs (a whole day) later, with perfect recall of the incident, heck of the entire mtg, I'll bet,eh? ...And, let's not forget that in the interum, you stopped your share directly after the incident; you did try to contact your sponsor (thast's a plus for the 'pro' side; and you skipped a meeting today......hmmmmm

I don't see this as who was right or who was wrong, or if either, or neither, of those two ideas is even relevant. For me, when I've been in similar situations, the question I usually ask myself is.......who is affected more; who's stuck, so to speak.....?

So, I'm not here to tell you if you were right/wrong; ego or what have you; a tad over the self-centered center perhaps.....? None of this is my job.....BUT, how bout you? What do you think.........eh.....?

Here's to a happy, joyous, 'n free, clean 'n serene day.................


(o:
NoelleR

ghal

Steve, I do the same thing but I choose a different method. If someone is talking while I am sharing I just pause and wait for them to stop. I find that it jerks them into shape and they learn something from it.