2nd day, can I do this?
On my way....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 326
2nd day, can I do this?
Hi all, this is my first post here. I'm a 30 y.o. happily married woman, no kids, a lot of pets!
My Dad was an alcoholic, physically abusive, and did very hardcore drugs. One of my first memories was when I was around six, and pouting about something, he told me that I would grow up to be an alcoholic because of my moodiness, that I had the mindset of an alcoholic. Talk about fulfilling the prophecy. Before I hit 15/16 I was dead set against any alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs. I would literally shake and feel panicky if I saw someone, no matter if they had an issue or not, get out any kind of alcohol. Well, needless to say, things changed.
When I hit 15 I started hanging out with the wrong crowd, seems like it goes this way a lot. I "pretended" to smoke with them, because I didn't want to be addicted to cigs, so I would puff it, but not inhale. What a joke, before long I was buying cigs, not to look cool, but because I craved them. Before long I was smoking weed from 15/16, sometimes it gave me panic attacks, why I kept smoking, I don't know. I quit that for several years, when I quit I noticed that I was a little edgy, but nothing too major; I just remember thinking about the fact that I, who was not going to be a drug user, was having withdrawals from weed, that couldn't be me; I WAS NOT MY DAD, I screamed inside.
I smoked cigs all this time, met my now DH when I was 19, he was 27 and partied a lot, and his roommate was a pothead who smoked night and day and drank some. I would occasionally drink with everyone, but because I worked early in the A.M. I would crash and leave everyone else up partying. My DH partied with everyone, but he's the type who can have two beers and quit, so there wasn't a problem there. The few occasions I would drink with people, they were surprised that I could keep up with some of the seasoned drinkers, considering I rarely drank. I was proud, proud that I could outdrink most people and be up walking around like I was sober, I was proud that I didn't wake up with hangover, that means I must handle my alcohol better, right? Wrong.
I remember the turning point for me was when I was laid off, I was about 20. I was home, and my DH was working and the roommate had a few people over and they were doing their smoking thing, and he always offered I always refused. This time when I offered, I was like, why the hell not. So I did, and I liked it, I felt so good and relaxed for the first time since I was laid off. Then I got a new job waiting tables and started buying weed on my own for the first time. At first a little tiny $10 sack would last me all week, then just a day, then I didn't waste time on that anymore and started buying bigger bags. Since I hung with a crowd that was doing the same thing there was no one to shake me and tell me to stop....not that I would've, but I did feel normal about smoking weed...and I was beginning to drink a couple of beers daily.
The whole time my DH's (still bf then) alcohol consumption stayed the same...one 22oz bud light a day and I would drink the same with him. One day I told him to get me two...he looked at me with surprise but did it (I was underage at the time). I was home a lot still so I had him start buying me a 6 pack of natural ice to keep myself entertained. I should have known then....but to cut this long story short, this began several of the worst years (besides some I had growing up) of my life. I experience many the hangover, many, many, many blackouts, we partied a lot at clubs, I was very popular there with the guys and I relished the attention despite the fact that I had the best husband in the world watching me with a pained look, dance and be far too friendly with guys. My husband wouldn't leave me there because many of these nights I don't recall past midnight when the club would stay open til 3, and I was there every minute of that, often going to afterparties. Even though I was hurting him so bad he didn't want me to get hurt or worse by someone because I was out of it.
About 5 years ago we almost lost our marriage because of all the partying, it was so ironic, I hated the partying when I met him, never had time alone with him, begged him to stay home because I was too young to go out -- it had all turned around, he hated partying; I kind of gloated at the time that he finally felt like I had. Sick thinking I tell you. I tried AA but fell out of that because I felt like if we stayed home the problems would go away. So we stayed home, refused to go out to a club or a bar, and we were both fine with that. I hadn't drank during the day since I was 20, and I felt like since my marriage was in better shape and I was stable things were fine! Again, I'm a very friendly drunk, will laugh it up with my enemies (such as a girl who tried to sleep my dh) and swear we are new best friends, program their number in my phone (this happened followed by immense embarrassment the next day), etc so my husband didn't think I had a problem -- because after all, drunks are mean, nasty people -- something, which fortunately, I was not -- or maybe unfortunately, maybe I would've sought help sooner. I don't know.
Oh yes, occasionally I would stumble around the house, or slur my words, spill things, I still blacked out lots....but during the day, after my hangover went away, of course, we loved life, hiking, our dogs, I cooked huge dinners for him everynight. He did and still does see me as a wonderful wife.
Recently we began having "date night" at a local bar & grill that is close enough to walk to. I thought all that excess friendliness had maybe worn away with time -- but no, it was still there. We've only been doing this for four weeks, once a week, but I've noticed that I'm too friendly once again, it has definitely not gotten out of hand -- YET. Before I leave for the bar I will worry all day what I might do or say, so I will make promises to myself, only two pitchers, (I'm a serial cig quitter right now and my DH quit 3yrs ago) no going outside with other people smoking, that's when I get in trouble....when I start talking! Well, the two pitcher thing hasn't worked yet, in fact on Monday it was 4 pitchers! Granted my DH and I split two, keeping in mind he's a light drinker, then a friend (who txted me and since I was drunk told them to come on down - on my date night no less) and I split another two! All the while DH just wanted to go home.....while I just wanted "one more". It's gotten to the point where I drunk Facebook when I get home, etc. I think one of the guys at the bar thinks I like him too. Which I don't! I would never talk as much or say the things I do (nothing bad, just mostly rambling about nonsense) if I wasn't drinking!! I am not ME when I drink, I think I used to see it as a good thing but my rational self knows it's not.
DH doesn't understand, he knows I feel remorse each time I drink, the level of remorse usually varies with what I said, or if I even remember the night before (if we've went out). I have to get up in the morning and check my comp history, that is an almost everyday thing. I've recently started shaking when I wake up.....that is one thing that really scared me. I wait tables and customers do notice if your hand is shaking as you set their glass down. I was shaking so bad last week I slammed a creamed on a table on accident and the guests thought I had a bad attitude......that was just worry.
Here and there, depending on how bad my last drunk was I will give it up for a couple of days, not intending on quitting. But, even though nothing bad happened (well besides a drunk Facebook message) on Monday....I woke up yesterday and I am SICK OF THIS. I am sick of it, sick, sick, sick of it. I hate worrying about what I'm doing to my body, I hate that I've hurt myself, my husband, I hate that he feels physically ill entering a club (we tried that last cinco de mayo) - and that is my fault, I hate that I've lost the last 11 years to addiction. I hate that I'm like my Dad, and most of all, I hate that he was right. I've spent since yesterday morning around 9 reading here, I read until 4 this morning and got back up and read some more. I ordered Under the Influence yesterday with one day shipping and it's sitting here next to me now. I take my Golden to puppy class which is an hour away and I intend on reading the whole way over while DH drives.
My biggest fear is the future, even if it's tonight, or tomorrow night....and when I'm not drinking I sit around thinking about what will I do when we cookout (major drinking event there), etc. I know I shouldn't but my mind becomes almost obsessed with how I won't be able to go without on this occasion, or that event, etc. How will I cope without something, I just don't know, I have to learn somehow.
I've also been a daily long-term marijuana smoker, I used to think that was what I craved more than alcohol, actually I don't which is worse. I haven't been "out" of weed in more than four years. My mind feels crazy if I don't have it. Monday night before I passed out, I rolled a blunt and it was laying on the coffee table (DH couldn't get me up to go to bed), it sat there in front of me all day yesterday as I read. I figured I would smoke it eventually, as long as I wasn't drinking it was good. But, I read about the MMP....and how you can't get better if you're not all the way sober....maybe that's why the few times I did intend on quitting it didn't work. Also, I've never reached out, not in real life, not on the 'net. This is the first time I've put this in words, and it's just a condensed version!
So here I am, raw, scared, anxious, and maybe a little hopeful that I could be free. I haven't smoked or drank since Monday night, and I put a nicotine patch on after a long shower last night. Please pray for me, and any advice is welcome. I don't know how to even get off the couch today, I have that feeling that I "need" something....cigarettes or weed, I don't know. I'm just kind of scared to move or to do anything.
If you read this whole thing I thank you, this was supposed to be a quick intro, but I guess I had some things I needed to get out. Thank you. Thanks also for being there for me yesterday, last night, and today....I've read so many words of wisdom.
My Dad was an alcoholic, physically abusive, and did very hardcore drugs. One of my first memories was when I was around six, and pouting about something, he told me that I would grow up to be an alcoholic because of my moodiness, that I had the mindset of an alcoholic. Talk about fulfilling the prophecy. Before I hit 15/16 I was dead set against any alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs. I would literally shake and feel panicky if I saw someone, no matter if they had an issue or not, get out any kind of alcohol. Well, needless to say, things changed.
When I hit 15 I started hanging out with the wrong crowd, seems like it goes this way a lot. I "pretended" to smoke with them, because I didn't want to be addicted to cigs, so I would puff it, but not inhale. What a joke, before long I was buying cigs, not to look cool, but because I craved them. Before long I was smoking weed from 15/16, sometimes it gave me panic attacks, why I kept smoking, I don't know. I quit that for several years, when I quit I noticed that I was a little edgy, but nothing too major; I just remember thinking about the fact that I, who was not going to be a drug user, was having withdrawals from weed, that couldn't be me; I WAS NOT MY DAD, I screamed inside.
I smoked cigs all this time, met my now DH when I was 19, he was 27 and partied a lot, and his roommate was a pothead who smoked night and day and drank some. I would occasionally drink with everyone, but because I worked early in the A.M. I would crash and leave everyone else up partying. My DH partied with everyone, but he's the type who can have two beers and quit, so there wasn't a problem there. The few occasions I would drink with people, they were surprised that I could keep up with some of the seasoned drinkers, considering I rarely drank. I was proud, proud that I could outdrink most people and be up walking around like I was sober, I was proud that I didn't wake up with hangover, that means I must handle my alcohol better, right? Wrong.
I remember the turning point for me was when I was laid off, I was about 20. I was home, and my DH was working and the roommate had a few people over and they were doing their smoking thing, and he always offered I always refused. This time when I offered, I was like, why the hell not. So I did, and I liked it, I felt so good and relaxed for the first time since I was laid off. Then I got a new job waiting tables and started buying weed on my own for the first time. At first a little tiny $10 sack would last me all week, then just a day, then I didn't waste time on that anymore and started buying bigger bags. Since I hung with a crowd that was doing the same thing there was no one to shake me and tell me to stop....not that I would've, but I did feel normal about smoking weed...and I was beginning to drink a couple of beers daily.
The whole time my DH's (still bf then) alcohol consumption stayed the same...one 22oz bud light a day and I would drink the same with him. One day I told him to get me two...he looked at me with surprise but did it (I was underage at the time). I was home a lot still so I had him start buying me a 6 pack of natural ice to keep myself entertained. I should have known then....but to cut this long story short, this began several of the worst years (besides some I had growing up) of my life. I experience many the hangover, many, many, many blackouts, we partied a lot at clubs, I was very popular there with the guys and I relished the attention despite the fact that I had the best husband in the world watching me with a pained look, dance and be far too friendly with guys. My husband wouldn't leave me there because many of these nights I don't recall past midnight when the club would stay open til 3, and I was there every minute of that, often going to afterparties. Even though I was hurting him so bad he didn't want me to get hurt or worse by someone because I was out of it.
About 5 years ago we almost lost our marriage because of all the partying, it was so ironic, I hated the partying when I met him, never had time alone with him, begged him to stay home because I was too young to go out -- it had all turned around, he hated partying; I kind of gloated at the time that he finally felt like I had. Sick thinking I tell you. I tried AA but fell out of that because I felt like if we stayed home the problems would go away. So we stayed home, refused to go out to a club or a bar, and we were both fine with that. I hadn't drank during the day since I was 20, and I felt like since my marriage was in better shape and I was stable things were fine! Again, I'm a very friendly drunk, will laugh it up with my enemies (such as a girl who tried to sleep my dh) and swear we are new best friends, program their number in my phone (this happened followed by immense embarrassment the next day), etc so my husband didn't think I had a problem -- because after all, drunks are mean, nasty people -- something, which fortunately, I was not -- or maybe unfortunately, maybe I would've sought help sooner. I don't know.
Oh yes, occasionally I would stumble around the house, or slur my words, spill things, I still blacked out lots....but during the day, after my hangover went away, of course, we loved life, hiking, our dogs, I cooked huge dinners for him everynight. He did and still does see me as a wonderful wife.
Recently we began having "date night" at a local bar & grill that is close enough to walk to. I thought all that excess friendliness had maybe worn away with time -- but no, it was still there. We've only been doing this for four weeks, once a week, but I've noticed that I'm too friendly once again, it has definitely not gotten out of hand -- YET. Before I leave for the bar I will worry all day what I might do or say, so I will make promises to myself, only two pitchers, (I'm a serial cig quitter right now and my DH quit 3yrs ago) no going outside with other people smoking, that's when I get in trouble....when I start talking! Well, the two pitcher thing hasn't worked yet, in fact on Monday it was 4 pitchers! Granted my DH and I split two, keeping in mind he's a light drinker, then a friend (who txted me and since I was drunk told them to come on down - on my date night no less) and I split another two! All the while DH just wanted to go home.....while I just wanted "one more". It's gotten to the point where I drunk Facebook when I get home, etc. I think one of the guys at the bar thinks I like him too. Which I don't! I would never talk as much or say the things I do (nothing bad, just mostly rambling about nonsense) if I wasn't drinking!! I am not ME when I drink, I think I used to see it as a good thing but my rational self knows it's not.
DH doesn't understand, he knows I feel remorse each time I drink, the level of remorse usually varies with what I said, or if I even remember the night before (if we've went out). I have to get up in the morning and check my comp history, that is an almost everyday thing. I've recently started shaking when I wake up.....that is one thing that really scared me. I wait tables and customers do notice if your hand is shaking as you set their glass down. I was shaking so bad last week I slammed a creamed on a table on accident and the guests thought I had a bad attitude......that was just worry.
Here and there, depending on how bad my last drunk was I will give it up for a couple of days, not intending on quitting. But, even though nothing bad happened (well besides a drunk Facebook message) on Monday....I woke up yesterday and I am SICK OF THIS. I am sick of it, sick, sick, sick of it. I hate worrying about what I'm doing to my body, I hate that I've hurt myself, my husband, I hate that he feels physically ill entering a club (we tried that last cinco de mayo) - and that is my fault, I hate that I've lost the last 11 years to addiction. I hate that I'm like my Dad, and most of all, I hate that he was right.
I've spent since yesterday morning around 9 reading here, I read until 4 this morning and got back up and read some more. I ordered Under the Influence yesterday with one day shipping and it's sitting here next to me now. I take my Golden to puppy class which is an hour away and I intend on reading the whole way over while DH drives.My biggest fear is the future, even if it's tonight, or tomorrow night....and when I'm not drinking I sit around thinking about what will I do when we cookout (major drinking event there), etc. I know I shouldn't but my mind becomes almost obsessed with how I won't be able to go without on this occasion, or that event, etc. How will I cope without something, I just don't know, I have to learn somehow.
I've also been a daily long-term marijuana smoker, I used to think that was what I craved more than alcohol, actually I don't which is worse. I haven't been "out" of weed in more than four years. My mind feels crazy if I don't have it. Monday night before I passed out, I rolled a blunt and it was laying on the coffee table (DH couldn't get me up to go to bed), it sat there in front of me all day yesterday as I read. I figured I would smoke it eventually, as long as I wasn't drinking it was good. But, I read about the MMP....and how you can't get better if you're not all the way sober....maybe that's why the few times I did intend on quitting it didn't work. Also, I've never reached out, not in real life, not on the 'net. This is the first time I've put this in words, and it's just a condensed version!
So here I am, raw, scared, anxious, and maybe a little hopeful that I could be free. I haven't smoked or drank since Monday night, and I put a nicotine patch on after a long shower last night. Please pray for me, and any advice is welcome. I don't know how to even get off the couch today, I have that feeling that I "need" something....cigarettes or weed, I don't know. I'm just kind of scared to move or to do anything.
If you read this whole thing I thank you, this was supposed to be a quick intro, but I guess I had some things I needed to get out. Thank you. Thanks also for being there for me yesterday, last night, and today....I've read so many words of wisdom.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
yes, welcome....you were very thorough in your synopsis.
Have you thought how you are going to approach staying sober?early events can be a slippery slope. have you called your doctor to set up an appointment? you should be very honest with him/her so they can give you a work-up and blood testing...and possible help for de-toxing.....if you get physical problems.
the only thing i can suggest (besides being kind to yourself and expect to feel crappy for a couple-3-4 days) is to have a variety of beverages to rehydrate yourself and a plan in place to substitute of your drinking time.
Have you thought how you are going to approach staying sober?early events can be a slippery slope. have you called your doctor to set up an appointment? you should be very honest with him/her so they can give you a work-up and blood testing...and possible help for de-toxing.....if you get physical problems.
the only thing i can suggest (besides being kind to yourself and expect to feel crappy for a couple-3-4 days) is to have a variety of beverages to rehydrate yourself and a plan in place to substitute of your drinking time.
On my way....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by Fandy 
yes, welcome....you were very thorough in your synopsis.
Have you thought how you are going to approach staying sober?early events can be a slippery slope. have you called your doctor to set up an appointment? you should be very honest with him/her so they can give you a work-up and blood testing...and possible help for de-toxing.....if you get physical problems.
the only thing i can suggest (besides being kind to yourself and expect to feel crappy for a couple-3-4 days) is to have a variety of beverages to rehydrate yourself and a plan in place to substitute of your drinking time.
Have you thought how you are going to approach staying sober?early events can be a slippery slope. have you called your doctor to set up an appointment? you should be very honest with him/her so they can give you a work-up and blood testing...and possible help for de-toxing.....if you get physical problems.
the only thing i can suggest (besides being kind to yourself and expect to feel crappy for a couple-3-4 days) is to have a variety of beverages to rehydrate yourself and a plan in place to substitute of your drinking time.
Fandy, thank you for the suggestions. I don't have insurance, and I had an appt earlier this year to get bloodwork done, at the Dr's office I go to they wanted $400 up front! Needless to say, I canceled the appt. If you or anyone else knows where I can get this done at a cheaper rate and care to share, please, it would be welcome. As far as detoxing, I can go for a week (longest I've went recently) without alcohol with no withdrawal symptoms, so I'm not too scared of DT's.
I'm more worried about the dual personalities I seem to carry around......there's a huge part of me that knows that I cannot drink, knows that I react badly to it, that I feel like crap when I do; but there's this other more sinister, cunning side of me, that seems to appear in the early afternoon/evening (mainly after the hangover is gone) that says, "oh, just drink tonight, nothing bad will happen, it will be relaxing, everyone else does it". My husband doesn't see me as having a problem so tells me to have a couple....but, I never even try to say I will only have one, I don't even start drinking unless I have enough to get a good buzz...or more; because, let's face it, that's what I drink for. I just don't know how to fight that side of myself.
I have social anxiety, except, of course, when I drink.....so when I tried AA earlier in my life I didn't get a lot out of it, because I was too shy to call people, or tell people my problems, I was afraid of what they'd think about me, I know, it's crazy. So, at this point, I'm hoping to use this site for fellowship, and maybe, try AA in the future, thinking about going now makes me want to drink. LOL *joking* The advantages of having this site for me at the moment is that it's available 24/7, I don't get anxious when I log in or even when I typed out my life story I didn't feel ashamed. I'm not sure what the difference is, but at the moment this place is my safe haven you all are my mentors.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
check out the other threads for alternate AA programs, i believe that some are even online, SMART?.
all I know is that some physicians will charge you on a sliding fee scale if you don't have insurance??? maybe someone else can enlighten you, i am clueless for that one.
all I know is that some physicians will charge you on a sliding fee scale if you don't have insurance??? maybe someone else can enlighten you, i am clueless for that one.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Rachel, welcome to SR I could have written your story (except my alcoholic father told me I'd be a sl*t, that was all I was good for...and yes it pretty much became a self fulfilling prophecy) except eventually the "friendliness" that occurred when I drank DID get out of hand. I couldn't imagine even wanting to live if I couldn't drink, everything would be so boring. Funny thing though, I've learned how much more beautiful and rewarding life is sober. I too didn't click with AA meetings largely due to social anxiety, however, the AA literature and the 12 steps helped me immensely to form my own recovery program. I hope you read here a lot and post often.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 72
It's really hard when your spouse doesn't see it as a problem. After my last blackout, when I told my husband I was done with alcohol, he said "Oh, come on, you didn't even drink that much!" It's like he thinks I'm just being dramatic. I used to focus on that a lot- "the person closest to me doesn't think there's a problem, so there must not be!!" But I'm starting to see that as the sneaky voice of addiction, looking for a reason why drinking is still okay. I'm still early in this, too, and the only thing I can say is I'm just saying "no." I know I can't have one without it ending in another downward spiral. I'm trying to think about it like any other poison- I said on another thread, if I found out I had a life-threatening allergy to chocolate I might miss the stuff, but I sure wouldn't mess around with trying to find out if I could eat it just one more time. Alcohol is life-threatening for me, and it's just not worth it.
I also very much relate to this forum being a safe haven. I find it very difficult to talk about this in real life, and the support and understanding here is amazing. I'm sure I'll see you around here- and we'll find our way through this!!
I also very much relate to this forum being a safe haven. I find it very difficult to talk about this in real life, and the support and understanding here is amazing. I'm sure I'll see you around here- and we'll find our way through this!!
On my way....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 326
Fandy, thank you for the information, I'm signed up for SMART and will attend the 10pm meeting tonight after puppy kindergarten.
jamdls, your post gave me chills....it's such a huge **relief** that other people can understand what I am going through so thoroughly. I plan on being here as often as I can.....especially at night.
jamdls, your post gave me chills....it's such a huge **relief** that other people can understand what I am going through so thoroughly. I plan on being here as often as I can.....especially at night.
On my way....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 326
Thank you elfgirl, I know what you mean. Yesterday, when I said...."I'm done, I give...I can't win against alcohol". My DH said, "you didn't get that bad last night". No, maybe I didn't...but I would, it's just a matter of time. I told him it's like I'm playing Russian roulette every time I drink. Sure 19 times out of 20 go okay, but what about that twentieth time?? What if I set the house on fire one night while I'm smoking and drinking in a blackout, the what if's plague me. So many things could happen when I'm drinking that I would have no control over....sometimes I wake up and thank God I'm still alive and I didn't ruin anything (except my health and well being), or rush to the computer or phone to see what I was doing the night before. I feel so pathetic.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 72
Rachel, I was mentally comparing my drinking to Russian Roulette the other night too. It started out I'd be fine 9 times out of 10, but lately it's been more like total blackout probably 7 times out of 10. 9 times out of 10 I still don't do anything damaging, but yeah- I have to check my phone and my computer to see what I did/said and even then I worry about what might have happened that I don't remember. I have 4 young kids, and one night my oldest said "Mom, can I have an extra hug and kiss since I didn't get one from you last night?" Yeah- another blackout and I have no idea why I didn't tuck them in. Was I mean about it? Just neglectful? I don't know. Can't ask. And my texts won't tell me. My worst nightmare is waking up some morning having hurt one of my kids. I've never physically hurt anyone (except myself) when I've been drunk. But what if there was a first time? How would I ever forgive myself?
I feel pathetic too, but I think- hope- it will pass with time and distance and some success with sobriety.
I feel pathetic too, but I think- hope- it will pass with time and distance and some success with sobriety.
On my way....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 326
You're right about phones/comps not being a great way of piecing the night together. I'm always relieved if I didn't contact anyone, don't want anyone to know my dirty little secret. And, I guess I was giving myself a generous allowance....I blackout maybe 5 out of 10 times....maybe more.....it all runs together.
We're doing the right thing. I understand the guilt of not treating your family right, knowing that they deserve more....knowing that YOU deserve more. We can do this, just talking to the others....and to you, has helped me this afternoon. So I want to say thank you, even in your early sobriety you are already helping others. I'm glad I'm not alone in this anymore....because I'm too weak to handle it all on my own.
We're doing the right thing. I understand the guilt of not treating your family right, knowing that they deserve more....knowing that YOU deserve more. We can do this, just talking to the others....and to you, has helped me this afternoon. So I want to say thank you, even in your early sobriety you are already helping others. I'm glad I'm not alone in this anymore....because I'm too weak to handle it all on my own.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Rachel
Some great advice here already, so I'll just add my welcome.
I used to be a drinker and a pot smoker too - 20 years - so it's very possible to turn thing things around, with some time and effort
you'll find a lot of support here
D
Some great advice here already, so I'll just add my welcome.
I used to be a drinker and a pot smoker too - 20 years - so it's very possible to turn thing things around, with some time and effort
you'll find a lot of support here
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
Welcome to SR Rachel -
A few things in your posts stuck out. I have the dual personality thing as well - incredibly responsible most of the time but always with that inclination to use, with the justifications that I'll be okay, everyone does it, most times nothing happens, I deserve it, etc. Addiction also happens to be a family thing. I swore up and down I would not be like my parents - users - and whaddya know?
This is a great place. Glad you're here
A few things in your posts stuck out. I have the dual personality thing as well - incredibly responsible most of the time but always with that inclination to use, with the justifications that I'll be okay, everyone does it, most times nothing happens, I deserve it, etc. Addiction also happens to be a family thing. I swore up and down I would not be like my parents - users - and whaddya know?
This is a great place. Glad you're here
On my way....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 326
Thank you to everyone who posted in this thread for all the advice and welcomes. You sure know how to make someone feel good when they didn't think there was much to feel good about.
I'm taking my Golden to class, I will be back later this evening.....please hold me to it.
p.s. Fandy, I had the meeting days wrong, they meet @ 10 tomorrow....8 tonight, I will be out then. But I will be able to attend the 10 tomorrow....and more than likely (if I get off in time) the 8 tomorrow as well. Thanks for steering me there.
I'm taking my Golden to class, I will be back later this evening.....please hold me to it.
p.s. Fandy, I had the meeting days wrong, they meet @ 10 tomorrow....8 tonight, I will be out then. But I will be able to attend the 10 tomorrow....and more than likely (if I get off in time) the 8 tomorrow as well. Thanks for steering me there.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Rachel - I finally got up the nerve to quit drinking after visiting this forum too..... I just knew that I'd had enough. If I wasn't thinking about the next drink, I was getting over the last one, and it finally just wore me out.
I was quite surprised to find out how much it helped to post and read here on a daily basis. Something happens when we open up and reach out...... and I'm so glad you did.
That little bit of relief from drinking just isn't worth all the agony we go through (and it only gets worse, too). Glad you're here - you can do it!:ghug3
I was quite surprised to find out how much it helped to post and read here on a daily basis. Something happens when we open up and reach out...... and I'm so glad you did.
That little bit of relief from drinking just isn't worth all the agony we go through (and it only gets worse, too). Glad you're here - you can do it!:ghug3
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community....
While not all the info in "Under The Infleunce" applied to me
enough did that it convinced me to finally quit drinking.
I also followed the eating plan + supplements I found there.
I think it helped me get back in balance sooner.
Blackouts were part of my drinking history too....
I did all sorts of dangerous risky destructive things.
The good news...no drinking=no blackouts.
All my best to you and your husband...
While not all the info in "Under The Infleunce" applied to me
enough did that it convinced me to finally quit drinking.
I also followed the eating plan + supplements I found there.
I think it helped me get back in balance sooner.
Blackouts were part of my drinking history too....
I did all sorts of dangerous risky destructive things.
The good news...no drinking=no blackouts.
All my best to you and your husband...
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