Having a hard time this week.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Having a hard time this week.
Yesterday was my 3 month sobriety date off oxycodone.
It came and went and felt, well, Blah.
I don't know why I'm having a hard time this week. Just sort of anticlimactic I suppose.
I have no oxy's in the house, and I will not go seek any.
I just wonder if there are "milestones" in this recovery process of oxycodone withdrawal like there were when I quit alcohol in 1990 after drinking for more than 20 years daily. I remember those. One day. One week. One month. One year. Two years. Three years.
After three years, I started forgetting how long it had been since I quit drinking. Now, I dream I am drinking wine. Nothing special seems to be happening, but in my dreams I notice myself doing it and think, "Hey, I am drinking. Interesting. How long have I been doing that. Hey, I CAN drink!" During the day, I forget the dream usually, but they happen often enough that I know I am dreaming it. I'm always happy the next day to find out the dream was not true.
I do remember that some time BEFORE I quit drinking, I had a mental list of reasons I was going to to stop.
One of them was something I had heard somewhere,
"No one ever wakes up in the morning wishing they had had more to drink the night before."
Rang true with me. I TOTALLY lost count of all hundreds of mornings I woke up wishing I hadn't had so MUCH to drink the night before. Same for oxy's, except that was scarier. Then I would wake up in the morning just glad to be alive after taking so much oxy the night before.
I know some drinkers drink enough to kill them, and maybe I did, too, without realizing it. But with my drinking, I was never afraid I would go to sleep and stop breathing because I was so drunk. I started to do that on oxy's, and it was one of the things that scared me into stopping.
Well, enough said.
I woke up this morning, and I am SO glad I didn't have any oxy's, or any wine, last night.
It came and went and felt, well, Blah.
I don't know why I'm having a hard time this week. Just sort of anticlimactic I suppose.
I have no oxy's in the house, and I will not go seek any.
I just wonder if there are "milestones" in this recovery process of oxycodone withdrawal like there were when I quit alcohol in 1990 after drinking for more than 20 years daily. I remember those. One day. One week. One month. One year. Two years. Three years.
After three years, I started forgetting how long it had been since I quit drinking. Now, I dream I am drinking wine. Nothing special seems to be happening, but in my dreams I notice myself doing it and think, "Hey, I am drinking. Interesting. How long have I been doing that. Hey, I CAN drink!" During the day, I forget the dream usually, but they happen often enough that I know I am dreaming it. I'm always happy the next day to find out the dream was not true.
I do remember that some time BEFORE I quit drinking, I had a mental list of reasons I was going to to stop.
One of them was something I had heard somewhere,
"No one ever wakes up in the morning wishing they had had more to drink the night before."
Rang true with me. I TOTALLY lost count of all hundreds of mornings I woke up wishing I hadn't had so MUCH to drink the night before. Same for oxy's, except that was scarier. Then I would wake up in the morning just glad to be alive after taking so much oxy the night before.
I know some drinkers drink enough to kill them, and maybe I did, too, without realizing it. But with my drinking, I was never afraid I would go to sleep and stop breathing because I was so drunk. I started to do that on oxy's, and it was one of the things that scared me into stopping.
Well, enough said.
I woke up this morning, and I am SO glad I didn't have any oxy's, or any wine, last night.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Hoover, Alabama
Posts: 16
I will say it happens. I just reached 90 days today and i felt better a month ago than i do today. I mean every thing is different. I know that opiates have a longer post acute withdrawal phase. Having using dreams is fairly normal. I have dreams about drugs i have never even used. I think everything normal with you just keep strong and you can do this
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 267
Congratulations on being in MONTH 4!!! Wow!!! You have a lot to be proud of! 
I've heard that milestone days can be hard for some people, maybe they expect to feel awesome that day but they don't so it's a let down. Awesome days will come though when they are meant to be not necessarily on the days when we think we SHOULD be happy! lol I'm glad you're getting your happiness dance back!!!
BamaRecovery - Congratulations on 90 days!!! Awesome!!!
I've heard that milestone days can be hard for some people, maybe they expect to feel awesome that day but they don't so it's a let down. Awesome days will come though when they are meant to be not necessarily on the days when we think we SHOULD be happy! lol I'm glad you're getting your happiness dance back!!!BamaRecovery - Congratulations on 90 days!!! Awesome!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
What i am doing to stay clean
Well, good question.
Every day I wake up thanking God I no longer have to reach for a handful of pills. I also wake up thanking God I didn't drink last night, or yesterday, or last week, or last month.
I thank God that the gulp of ETOH containing mouthwash I drank back in December while I was in withdrawal from oxy's only made me feel sicker and not better.
And mostly, I thank God for the husband lying at my side who is the same husband who has been lying next to me for the past 42 years.
And I pray to God that all of the above will continue.
Hey wait a minute. Didn't I say somewhere I am not religious?
Every day I wake up thanking God I no longer have to reach for a handful of pills. I also wake up thanking God I didn't drink last night, or yesterday, or last week, or last month.
I thank God that the gulp of ETOH containing mouthwash I drank back in December while I was in withdrawal from oxy's only made me feel sicker and not better.
And mostly, I thank God for the husband lying at my side who is the same husband who has been lying next to me for the past 42 years.
And I pray to God that all of the above will continue.
Hey wait a minute. Didn't I say somewhere I am not religious?
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Have you considered face-to-face support? Although prayer is my first line of defense, too, I needed others who got and stayed sober to help me with the human element (including the way I could sometimes fool myself into believing that what I wanted was somehow "God's will.")
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Congratulations on your three months, FT and good going leaping into month four. I'm two days away from 60 and had been a pretty pitiful mess for a few. It is passing, s l o w l y.....but the crappy feelings are passing. (I'll leave the other c word that we both like for that other thread) but you know what I mean.
Change is a guarantee and these are days when sometimes I welcome it.
Wasn't always the case but now sometimes it can't come fast enough for me.
That can be a problem too, since I'm not exactly a patient person, ya know?
Anyway...no words of advice because I'm just too new in this journey to make
any sense at all, but a bunch of support and understanding coming your way!
Change is a guarantee and these are days when sometimes I welcome it.
Wasn't always the case but now sometimes it can't come fast enough for me.
That can be a problem too, since I'm not exactly a patient person, ya know?
Anyway...no words of advice because I'm just too new in this journey to make
any sense at all, but a bunch of support and understanding coming your way!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Congratulations on your recovery!
I know that recovery is not a straight line and there are times when things seem to be stuck. It sounds like you're doing well and you know for sure that you're doing the right thing. I, too, wonder what other changes you've made in your life since you have been in recovery. Maybe there is something out there that would interest you.
I know that recovery is not a straight line and there are times when things seem to be stuck. It sounds like you're doing well and you know for sure that you're doing the right thing. I, too, wonder what other changes you've made in your life since you have been in recovery. Maybe there is something out there that would interest you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Thank you all for your posts. What is true for me is that I am the ONLY one I am ever around right now who is in recovery -- me, myself, and I. I think that is one of the reasons I am drawn to this forum. It gives me a sense of community, that there are others besides myself with the same struggles with addiction, who know what it really means to feel the feeling "freedom" that comes the first time you realize the chains to the substances have crumbled, never really were there except by my own design.
I keep myself STUPID BUSY, and my husband and I work together, are around each other all the time. It's amazing I was ever able to hide my drug use from him, but it turns out I really didn't -- he KNEW, he just didn't know WHAT.
Yes, face to face is good. I know where the NA meetings are if I need them. For right now, I am in a position of strength in my resolve, even on the days -- or week(s) -- I feel like crap. (Or c-c- as the case may be - ha!)
Meanwhile, this afternoon I am feeling better and doing the HAPPY DANCE!
I keep myself STUPID BUSY, and my husband and I work together, are around each other all the time. It's amazing I was ever able to hide my drug use from him, but it turns out I really didn't -- he KNEW, he just didn't know WHAT.
Yes, face to face is good. I know where the NA meetings are if I need them. For right now, I am in a position of strength in my resolve, even on the days -- or week(s) -- I feel like crap. (Or c-c- as the case may be - ha!)
Meanwhile, this afternoon I am feeling better and doing the HAPPY DANCE!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,371
Congratulations on 3 months FT 
If you haven;t seen ti before this is a very good link on PAWs - whether thats your issue or not, it's good reading IMO
PAWS « Digital Dharma
D
If you haven;t seen ti before this is a very good link on PAWs - whether thats your issue or not, it's good reading IMO
PAWS « Digital Dharma
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
More happy dancers for you!I've found that the longer I'm sober, the easier it is to have a blah day..... I think that's because I've had enough of them now to understand that they don't last. I also try to remind myself that normal folks have them too!
You're doing great - and every day is a victory if you're clean/sober!
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