AlleyKatt22

My husband has been home from detox for just over a week and he's really struggling emotionally. I'm terrified that its going to lead to him using again. I don't really know what to do. We talk about it. He says that he is ashamed of the things he did to me and the kids (i.e. stealing money, neglecting us) and that he doesn't believe I can ever get over it. We had our 2 daughters birthday party this weekend and none of his family even bothered to show up which really threw him into a depression. He says he felt like my family kept checking his arms for track marks (I did not notice this happening but my family is super supportive of him). Because of his recent job loss he has become a stay at home dad and he's having trouble adjusting to it. I only work a few days a week but for long hours. I don't know how to help him or if I even can. Will I ever get the "happy" man I married back? I just don't recognize this person who cries every night. I'm scared for him and for our family.

Chino

Is your husband getting any outside support, like meetings or therapy?

Seren

Hi Katt,

I'm sorry to hear your AH is struggling. It is hard to see someone we love in such a depression. I know that you want to help him, but there really is nothing you can do except support him in his own efforts at recovery. He has to do the work for himself.

I don't know if you have heard about the 3 C's yet, but it is something we learn here and in Al-Anon:

We did not cause the addiction.
We cannot control the addict's actions.
We cannot cure the addict.

This may seem very simplistic, but it is both frustrating and freeing at the same time. Frustrating because we sooooo want to be able to do something to help our loved one and freeing because.....well.....hey, it's not our fault!

Hugs to you and your husband. HG