ghost99

Ok, sometimes just thinking of all the crap that has happened the past few years is enough to send me into a deep downward spiral. I go for these really long walks or runs and at times I am so angry I could die. But reading your all posts helps. It really does and I guess there is some truth that misery loves company. Not saying you are all miserable but you know what I mean.

duqld1717

I know how you feel about the anger. I don't know if I'm more mad at all the things he's done to me or more mad at myself for letting myself go through that type of horrible treatment. They get to go on their marry way married to their alcohol and we are left with scars and horrible memories. When does the anger finally subside if ever?

Cyranoak

...and it's just come with time and many, many alanon meetings.

You guys take care,

Cyranoak

TakingCharge999

I am doing many therapeutic exercises to deal with anger against me an others.
They have helped me, although I am aware it is just the tip of the iceberg.
The peace that starts to replace the anger is worth the time, and the effort.

DMC

I tended to channel mine. After one particularly angry weekend, I had laid new bamboo flooring in my master closet.

Al-anon and time. And power tools, in my case. But mostly time. And unfortunately, it's not one of those things you can rush. Hang in there. This too shall pass.

And vent away. That's what we're here for.

GettingBy

Very true DMC!!

Anger is a natural part of the process, how we deal with it changes as we recover. Venting it here is a great idea!

I remember being sooooo angry when I first started alanon 6 yrs ago. I was mad at my ah, mad at everyone who kept telling me -"keep coming back", "focus on me"... WTF?!?! I just wanted him to stop drinking. It was that simple to me. He sobers up and life is good again. So, tell me what I need to do to get him sober. He's wrecking my life and I need to stop him.... "stop telling me to work the DAMN steps!!!!!"

Phew... I feel it all again just typing that, so I can relate to how you feel. The problem with stewing in the anger is it keeps us from growing and getting healthy. Acknowledge the emotion but don't focus on it, lest it pulls us under.

I'm not mad anymore. All that energy is going into taking care of me, doing the things I need to do to protect myself (and now separate myself) from my AHs drinking.

Take what you like and leave the rest!
Shannon

PickMe

Thank you so much for this. I actually came here intending to post a post about anger in early Al-Anon recovery. I am so pissed at the whole world right now and I don't know what to do with it.

StarCat

It's okay to be angry.

It's very confusing, at first, trying to work our own recovery.
We bottled up our emotions for so long we sometimes forgot they were there, and we certainly lost control of them.
When we allow ourselves to acknowledge our own feelings again, it feels like a floodgate opens, and our emotions go on a wild rampage and heaven help who stands in their path.

But you know what?
It's great to FEEL again!

Don't bottle them up.
Acknowledge they're there, give yourself permission to be angry.
Do not let anyone try to take that permission away - only you have that power.
Eventually, when you're comfortable with your emotions, they will start to feel "normal" again.

GettingBy

Absolutely!!! It's OKAY to be angry! I remember people saying to me, "Wow, you have anger issues!!" Hell yeah I did!! I was living in a real crappy situation, and (in my mind!) it was HIS fault! I blamed him for all the problems. I wanted HIM to do something. "LOOK at all this grief he is causing me!"

And that's it... once I started to recover, the nerve endings settled. I learned that my emotions where emotions, not facts. I learned how to sit and feel, not just feel and REACT. I learned that my emotions where often a sign that I needed to learn something. "I'm mad!" "Why am I mad?" "I'm mad because he took all our damn money and blew it on beer!!!" "Okay, so what can you do to protect yourself next time?" And as I sat and worked through them, I made healthy decisions for myself and didn't participate in his chaos.

Having an internal dialogue with yourself will help you work through those emotions. And I'll be honest sometimes the dialogue stopped at, "I'm MAD!" "Why?" "Because I want to be!!!!!!!!!!" And that was okay too.

PickMe

I just went to a meeting and I feel slightly better but still mad. I also spent 30 minutes talking to my RABF on the phone and we were discussing meetings and AA/Al-Anon slogans and such and I don't know if that is healthy or not.

I told him I am emotionally bankrupt right now.

barb dwyer

Anger has gotten me up and moving
during times of soul - crushing sadness.

I've learned to 'use' it to get things done.

It takes time.