Not a good Sunday for me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 139
Not a good Sunday for me
Folks, I caved and feel more guilty about coming back here telling you all than anything else.
Two reason I am telling you all is 1) I need to be honest about it, which is rare for me when it comes to drinking, and 2) I want anyone and everyone here to not go away because they cave. I posted on another website and was doing ok, but left because of this. I won't do that again.
This is such a wonderful support system. I need to understand the reasons we cave when we are doing so well. For me, it isn't craving alcohol, it is craving the social aspect of it.
I went to a friends to help her and was about to leave...her husband drove up. We started talking and I drank red wine with them. Not overboard, but 2 glasses. Doesn't matter...2 is too many. But I am not going to beat myself up...instead, back to coming here for moral support and I know in my heart of hearts, I want to be a totally non-drinker. As I get older, I admire those who don't drink.
Sorry...but back to it...Day 1.
Two reason I am telling you all is 1) I need to be honest about it, which is rare for me when it comes to drinking, and 2) I want anyone and everyone here to not go away because they cave. I posted on another website and was doing ok, but left because of this. I won't do that again.
This is such a wonderful support system. I need to understand the reasons we cave when we are doing so well. For me, it isn't craving alcohol, it is craving the social aspect of it.
I went to a friends to help her and was about to leave...her husband drove up. We started talking and I drank red wine with them. Not overboard, but 2 glasses. Doesn't matter...2 is too many. But I am not going to beat myself up...instead, back to coming here for moral support and I know in my heart of hearts, I want to be a totally non-drinker. As I get older, I admire those who don't drink.
Sorry...but back to it...Day 1.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, Chris.
Really glad you came back! I failed a few times; I know the feeling. I think the key for me was to retrace the mental steps that led me to drink. Why did I give in? Why at that particular moment?
Alcohol was tangled up with all kinds of things for me—friendships, household chores, going out with friends, staying home alone (I really had all the bases covered). I couldn't imagine life without it. But everything is better without alcohol, especially the social aspect. Now when I'm hanging out with people, I'm really with those people. I'm more interested in what they say. I just feel more connected—which is the whole point, right?
Really glad you came back! I failed a few times; I know the feeling. I think the key for me was to retrace the mental steps that led me to drink. Why did I give in? Why at that particular moment?
Alcohol was tangled up with all kinds of things for me—friendships, household chores, going out with friends, staying home alone (I really had all the bases covered). I couldn't imagine life without it. But everything is better without alcohol, especially the social aspect. Now when I'm hanging out with people, I'm really with those people. I'm more interested in what they say. I just feel more connected—which is the whole point, right?
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 139
I need some coaching as to what to "tell" myself when I get in a situation like last night. Something I will ALWAYS tell myself or go back to. I never really thought about it, but I read another thread and geez, why haven't I done that? I mean something like a mantra. HELP! I don't like what I did.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 139
You know, I spent the weekend doing cat rescue work, cleaning my yard, house stuff, etc., and the trigger was going to their house and getting very caught up in lots of conversation. I need to really focus on the cause and be ready to handle that. That is what I need to work on really, really, REALLY bad. Appreciate everyone here.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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Posts: 139
Thanks Bill...two is too many for me. I want to be a non-drinker, period. Forever. I sometimes think, which is a good thing, to one day when I can truly claim that title. And not think twice about it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Well, maybe take some quiet moments to reflect on what was in your head when her husband drove up. I had some situations that were similar—thought I was doing well, someone unexpected shows up and offers me a drink, and bam, next thing I know I'm saying yes to a second one. Looking back, I realized how my heart raced and I felt a kind of euphoric glee at the mention of alcohol. It was sort of like it caught me off-guard—but also like part of me had been hoping to find an excuse to drink the whole time, was seizing on the excuse.
How's this for a mantra? "I don't want to drink, because I like my life a lot better when I don't."
How's this for a mantra? "I don't want to drink, because I like my life a lot better when I don't."
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Chris I am glad you did not disappear. As many have said before.... It is not if you fall down. It is if you get back up.
As for me not taking a drink. I remind myself the cold hard truth. "Dumb A your an alcoholic and NOTHING good is going to happen if you take that drink offer." No matter the situation. "I don't want to live my life like that anymore." The offers are always going to come so be prepared. It is a mini battle that goes on in my head and it feels oh so good to win. My 2 cents. day by day. Dave
As for me not taking a drink. I remind myself the cold hard truth. "Dumb A your an alcoholic and NOTHING good is going to happen if you take that drink offer." No matter the situation. "I don't want to live my life like that anymore." The offers are always going to come so be prepared. It is a mini battle that goes on in my head and it feels oh so good to win. My 2 cents. day by day. Dave
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Chris, it is great that you overcame your guilt of relapsing and posted to SR. It take a lot of courage to admit we failed. Now, about your situation...
You say you want to understand why you caved. Perhaps start by an honest assessment of your problem. The alcoholics and problem drinkers who post to SR aren't suffering from the social aspect of drinking. We suffer from drinking. Alcohol. Period. And while we associate a multitude of things with drinking, including sociability, these become merely triggers to drink once we quit. What is making us want to drink, the cause of the mental obsession to pick up, is our addiction to alchohol.
Good luck with your recovery.
PS: I applaud you for your work with rescue cats!
Originally Posted by Chris2011 
I need to understand the reasons we cave when we are doing so well. For me, it isn't craving alcohol, it is craving the social aspect of it.
Good luck with your recovery.
PS: I applaud you for your work with rescue cats!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 139
Originally Posted by CarolD
Welcome back....
Sorry I've forgotten...but are you useing any structured program
AA certainly is working great for me...
Sorry I've forgotten...but are you useing any structured program
AA certainly is working great for me...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 139
You say you want to understand why you caved. Perhaps start by an honest assessment of your problem. The alcoholics and problem drinkers who post to SR aren't suffering from the social aspect of drinking. We suffer from drinking. Alcohol. Period. And while we associate a multitude of things with drinking, including sociability, these become merely triggers to drink once we quit. What is making us want to drink, the cause of the mental obsession to pick up, is our addiction to alchohol.
DogonCarl...assessing my problem...the short of it is this: I do not crave alcohol, ever. I never drink at home alone. If I don't go anywhere for a month, I would not drink. It is when I go out to dinner or to a party, etc....that is where I don't control how much I drink. Is binge drinking the correct term? Whatever it is, it is a big problem for me. I would love input from anyone who can offer knowledge about this. I am sure there are lots of people who do this...I have several friends that do...but it doesn't bother them like it does me. I WANT IT TO BOTHER ME.....
DogonCarl...assessing my problem...the short of it is this: I do not crave alcohol, ever. I never drink at home alone. If I don't go anywhere for a month, I would not drink. It is when I go out to dinner or to a party, etc....that is where I don't control how much I drink. Is binge drinking the correct term? Whatever it is, it is a big problem for me. I would love input from anyone who can offer knowledge about this. I am sure there are lots of people who do this...I have several friends that do...but it doesn't bother them like it does me. I WANT IT TO BOTHER ME.....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: UT
Posts: 161
Hey Chris, I am jumping in here on the book thing. The first time I posted just over a week ago, someone on SR recommended "Under the Influence" by James Milam and Katherine Ketcham. I bought it immediately at B&N for $8. I have not finished yet. So far, it's like a light bulb going off in my head. I am beginning to better understand myself now(the physiology and all), and it's helping get through these initial phases. I am just over 3 weeks sober and very scared about relapsing myself. Your honesty helps because I too need to be aware of social situations involving alcohol.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: UT
Posts: 161
In all fairness, I must tell you that I am under a doctors care with prescription meds that curb the urge to drink. They dont necessary stop me from thinking about it but I think it takes the edge off. I havent really read much on SR others getting help with drugs. I want to do everything I can right now to help myself.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Chris, I never used the word craving, you did. And craving is exactly why you can't stop drinking once you stop. In AA terms, craving starts after the first drink. Here's the quote from the Big Book:
"After they have succumbed to the desire again [taken the first drink], as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery."
So I would say that you do crave alcohol, starting right after you take the first drink, as you say you have no control over how much you drink.
But let's not turn this into a discussion of terminology. When you drink, you have problems. I suggest you stay at home long enough to get some recovery under you belt before you venture forth to a social setting where alcohol is available.
"After they have succumbed to the desire again [taken the first drink], as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery."
So I would say that you do crave alcohol, starting right after you take the first drink, as you say you have no control over how much you drink.
But let's not turn this into a discussion of terminology. When you drink, you have problems. I suggest you stay at home long enough to get some recovery under you belt before you venture forth to a social setting where alcohol is available.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 139
Originally Posted by Nikkipoo
Hey Chris, I am jumping in here on the book thing. The first time I posted just over a week ago, someone on SR recommended "Under the Influence" by James Milam and Katherine Ketcham. I bought it immediately at B&N for $8. I have not finished yet. So far, it's like a light bulb going off in my head. I am beginning to better understand myself now(the physiology and all), and it's helping get through these initial phases. I am just over 3 weeks sober and very scared about relapsing myself. Your honesty helps because I too need to be aware of social situations involving alcohol.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 139
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Chris, I never used the word craving, you did. And craving is exactly why you can't stop drinking once you stop. In AA terms, craving starts after the first drink. Here's the quote from the Big Book:
"After they have succumbed to the desire again [taken the first drink], as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery."
So I would say that you do crave alcohol, starting right after you take the first drink, as you say you have no control over how much you drink.
But let's not turn this into a discussion of terminology. When you drink, you have problems. I suggest you stay at home long enough to get some recovery under you belt before you venture forth to a social setting where alcohol is available.
"After they have succumbed to the desire again [taken the first drink], as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery."
So I would say that you do crave alcohol, starting right after you take the first drink, as you say you have no control over how much you drink.
But let's not turn this into a discussion of terminology. When you drink, you have problems. I suggest you stay at home long enough to get some recovery under you belt before you venture forth to a social setting where alcohol is available.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 70
Ok Chris, we must be living in some sort of parallel universe because I also caved last night. Sunday night! What was I thinking??? I'm still in bed. Not working. I'd love to say I only had 2 glasses of wine but I had a lot more than that. Back to day 1 again.
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