almay777

Hey Dee sorry to hear things have been bad for you......I have been lurking for a while but was about to post when I saw you were taking a well deserved break!
Thing is I am drinking again....heavily and really want to stop. After 69 days sober I started drinking and have been drinking every day ever since (just before Xmas). I have finally figured it out.....I am in alot of debt despite having a good job, with a guy old enough to be my Dad that I am not in love with, and have to move out of my property with my 7 year old son before the end of March. When I drink, this does not seem so scary. But then the next morning I wake up feeling terrible, with no idea what I am going to do! I feel very weak and just want another day one that will turn into two etc. I am covered in spots and my hair is crap. This is not helping....I am normally reasonably attractive but at the moment I look like the back end of a bus :-(. I just want to stop!!!

LexieCat

So stop.

This is when you need your head to be clear. Can someone care for your child for a few days while you go to detox? Can you pick up the phone and call AA?

LaFemme

Hi Almaty...sorray to hear about your situation. When I was drinking all my problems seemed insurmountable so I drank more to "cope" which meant I did essentially nothing. The thing is once I got sober I was able to cope with those problems much better.

Lexie is right...now is when you really need sobriety. Get the help you and your son deserve.

almay777

Thanks for your comments. Have been drinking this morning... tried to google AA for a meeting tonight but cannot find one. I am going to try and make tomorrow day one and will post to let you know how I'm doing. I have made a list of all the reasons I want to stop and will keep reading it. I love my son more then anything. I grew up with a mother as a drunk who was up to her eye balls in debt. I want more for me and my son. I cannot start to fix my problems whilst I am gazing at them through bleary eyes.

ReadyAndAble

Hi, almay. I used alcohol to escape my worries. The problem is, the only problems only got worse while I ignored them. Once I took action about my drinking, it became a lot easier to take action to address other challenges.

Fandy

I am so sad to think of your son coming home from school to find Mommy drinking since 8AM. He deserves better care. and so do you. make 10AM your day one, please don't wait until tomorrow.

EmeraldRose

Alcohol masked my probelms, too...I also lived with 'an older man' and our marriage in general was not good and my drinking did not help. We separated and I am living on my own. Sure, its scary...especially since I lost my new job because I drank. But everything happens for a reason and that forced me to admit I really had a huge problem and needed help. I'm getting it...rent a home with my daughter, groom dogs on the side and am heading to another company in town this morning to ask if they need help.
You can't give up...life is a daily struggle for everyone regardless if they drink...seek support. If you can't find it in your phone book, anonymously call your doctors office and ask. Your son deserves it. And welcome...!!

Opivotal

I know what it's like to be so caught up in the problem you can't find your way out. I also know my drinking made everything a million times worse. Once I put the alcohol down, the problems were still there, but I could see a ray of light. I could find solutions to some and some required acceptance.

No one can put the alcohol down but you. I pray today is your day!

Best Wishes to You

Snarf

I agree so much with this. When I was drinking, I had so many problems in my life that it seemed like an impossible task to try to fix them. There were so many things that needed to be changed that I couldn't focus on just 1 of them without seeing the whole big mess. And it just seemed like an insurmountable obstacle to climb. So I got depressed and upset and anxious about my situation, and just kept drinking and drinking to cover it all up.

When I stopped drinking, those problems were still there, only I finally had to face them instead of drowning myself in the bottle. So little by little, I began to chip away at the mountain of problems I had in my life. Once the alcohol was out of the picture, my brain began to clear up and I started thinking and acting correctly. I realize that the problems I created in my life will take me years to completely address, but none of that would be able to happen if I were drinking. Since I've sobered up, I just take each day as it comes and try to work on becoming a better person and doing the right thing. And that mountain of problems is becoming smaller and smaller.

loveon2legs

In the morning light, all our problems are still there....no matter how much we drink to try and forget them....I did that for many years...not only did I have the problems still,then the anxiety kicked in...somedays it would paralize me.....then I wouldn't want to work, wouldn't want to see or talk to anyone....so the problems just added up... You know what you need to do, and I pray you find the strength and the peace in doing it!

JoeStrummer

I find it much better facing my problems without a hangover, but that's just me. I'm fairly new to sobriety my friend, and many of your issues sound very familiar, especially the part about using alcohol to numb out for awhile. But you you have a rational, sober person inside you who knows that drinking only makes everything worse, don't you?

I will be one those who will be checking here tomorrow to see if you are doing what you know you have to do.

Anna

As others have said, you will be much more able to deal with your problems when you are sober.

You can do this!

artsoul

I can relate....... I felt constantly overwhelmed while drinking. Everything needed cleaning/repair, income was floundering, two children depending on me as a single mom - one trying to get through college and the other getting ready to go to college.

I had a sudden bout of rational thinking (!) in the midst of my drinking one night..... I thought about how it would be if I added liver disease on top of the rest of my problems.

We drink so we can cope, but we can't cope because we drink.........

If you just can't stop, take yourself to the doc, ER or detox. Sometimes we just need that extra help....... Prayers and hugs.......

Supercrew

Almay, Dee can't help you. Only you can make the decision to help yourself and quit. Drinking today is only gonna make it worse tomorrow. Stop now, sleep all day, and take care of your son when he gets home from school.

SSIL75

Welcome back Almay. One thing to keep in mind is you can't think clearly when you're drinking. Or even in the days after.

I know you were struggling with being happy when you were sober. I guess living with someone you're not in love with will contribute to that. Time to take your life back. No matter how crappy things are alcohol will ALWAYS make it worse. We alcoholics are very short sighted. I know when I tried to sober up before I would go back to drinking because life still sucked. Only an alcoholic sees alcohol as the solution to everything! Normal people you know like take up a new hobby or talk to a financial counselor or whatever.

Anyway. I'm glad you're back.

LeadHatter

Your not weak you have done 69 days before. Perhaps this time [and i feel you genuinely will stop when you are ready as opivotal said only you can put the alcohol down] you will have a improved experience on recovery since some of it will be known to you.

Did you read up on addiction last time? I have a book or two kicking about [well one actually if you pm me ill tell u which one it is] about addiction and i found them helpful. Do you remember folk here saying stuff like you have to devolop your recovery.

picking up the phone to aa sounds a smart move 2. but you know all this right. you been 65+ days so you know already relapses are common and can be learnt from.

Ill pray for ya also

kevin

Horselover

You can do this. You must do this. You did this for 60 plus days. How did you do it? You did NOT pick up. If you cannot do it for yourself then in the beginning do it for you son. You said you had an alcoholic mother. Can you feel those emotions you must have felt when you watched her hiding from life? You can stop the cycle.

Life is a lot more darker when we are drinking. Its funny how we think our problems diminish when we drink, but they actually are just hiding and reappear much bigger and stronger then if we had actually faced them and dealt with them in the first place.

I pray that you will find the will you had before. Sending you much love and peace.

Dee74

Hey Almay

Thanks for your kind words.
I'm sorry to hear you've gone back to drinking tho.

Sounds to me you have a few problems that you've decided are too hard to deal with, so drinking makes things easier.

I remember feeling like that. It doesn't really help tho.

If you go back and read your first posts you'll see where you came from, and how much trouble you had last time...the sad fact is you're risking all that again or worse, Almay.

I know you don't want to live this way, or have your son live this way either.

You can sort out all your problems - but you need to stop drinking first.

You know as well as I do how drinking saps our strength and confidence and skews our perception.

The way forward is to break the drinking cycle. That's priority#1

Get that strength back - I and everyone else here can give you all the advice in the world but it means nothing if you decide not to act on it.

Reach out today and get some help Almay.
I know you can do it

D

Aysha

I can relate to every side of your post. I too used drugs to numb myself. But also I grew up in alcoholic household. Alcohol robbed me of alot of things as a child. My mother because my dad beat her when he was drunk so she disappeared. My father because he would rather be in the bars and going in and out of jail behind driinking. Long stints in prison a couple times due to things he did while drinking. My grandparents who raised me were constantly drinking which made for no supervision which in turn made it way too easy for me to get away with alot. And alot of that was hanging witht the wrong crowd and getting into drugs which has robbed me of 25 yrs of living.
I hate alcohol. I just wish I hated drugs as much. Then I wouldnt have a problem.
Sounds like you have gotten some time in before. You didnt lose that time.
So how bout you pick up where you left off in sobriety and make it day one right now?
Good luck.

Manz

Almay, I am sorry you are in such a bad place, like everyone else, I can relate.

But know this, drinking will never make things better, I tried so hard to avoid all my feelings and problems by drinking them away. It never, not once, worked. In the cold hard light of day they were still there. They are largely still there now.

But now, sober, I am able to face them(not easy at all) and slowly, slowly with support am making the changes I need to get a better life for myself and my 4yr old son. We deserve it.

Almay I really hope that you make the decision to do the same, because you and your son deserve it. We all here at SR will be cheering you on.... but no one but you can do this.

HUG