lasttimegirl

I'm not entirely sure how/why this keeps happening and why I let it happen because it sure as hell isn't how I want my life to be... I've been a binge drinker for years now and last year it led to an incident that almost ended my 9 year relationship with my spouse. the solution was that we went to counselling and i stop drinking in excess when he's not with me. over the past year I have had the intention of not letting my drinking get out of hand when I'm out with friends but it seems as soon as i get one in me i go into party mode and just don't stop! this has happened three times now and last night i went out with the intention of just having a couple and ended up coming home at three am completely trashed.
he packed a bag full of clothes and told me its over.... he just can't trust me anymore.
i've told him i'd stop and really really meant to but this keeps happening I don't want him to leave we have a daughter together and i don't want my stupid drinking to tear my family apart!
I just don't know what to do now I don't think I can fix my relationship with him. I don't want this to be my life story. How do I fix this?

bellakeller

Have you thought about getting some help with your drinking? I mean like addictions counseling or AA or anything like that? It sounds like you might not be successful at doing this without some help like a program or something.

Inafishbowl

Last. I am so sorry. No words for you because I am so new too. Perhaps you can find a way to see this as your ultimate bottom. If so, then there is no place else to go but up. My guess is that it's not too late to get help, stay sober and repair your relationship. I certainly hope that is the case. I'm a binge drinker too. I have not YET lost my husband, but I know that it is a realistic probability if I continue. Have you tried AA? I thought I would hate it, but it's been such a god-send for me. I wish you the best.

LexieCat

Sounds like you can't stay away from the booze, and you can't manage it once it's in you.

Time to stop drinking, I would think.

If you think you can keep drinking, and have a different outcome, well, let's just say our collective experience is that that is unlikely to happen.

Inafishbowl

Totally.

EmeraldRose

Unfortunately, there is no magick spell to 'fix this'. Sounds like you need to seek counseling, AA and support that you can at least appear to be seriously getting help.
I said the same thing...I will stop drinking, I promise...then I'd start, may it be a week or month or even sometimes almost a year -but the result was always the same. Things got comfortable again and I'd start drinking.
There is a difference saying you'll stop drinking and you'll quit drinking. Stopping to me was stopping for a time....when I said to myself I quit --I meant it and it was over.
My husband and I have since separated for lots of reasons not just drinking but like I said the results are the same. Nothing good comes out of drinking, binging, false promises, losing trust...try getting into AA or consult an addiction counseling service. I did and I love love going!! It has certainly changed my life.
Good Luck. And Welcome!!

lasttimegirl

Thank you for your support, I just didn't know what to do!!
I have seen an addictions councellor and he suggested that I don't drink at all, which i did for a month. Then I started drinking again with my spouse and it's escalated to this.
A few months ago I had a similar experience which is when I went to the councellor and I worked hard at getting control of my life and myself and had done well with not drinking when I was out on my own. which is why i can't figure out why i would let myself get out of control again last night. i really only meant to have a couple. I don't know if i can go to AA since i don't crave alcohol all the time it's only after I have a few when I'm out somewhere that I can't control it.

Inafishbowl

Last. Alcoholism comes in many forms. I was a once weekly or even sometimes once or twice monthly binge drinker. It doesn't matter. AA only requires a desire to stop drinking. The rooms are full of people with totally different drinking patterns. If you are suffering severe consequences and can't stop once you start, AA is the perfect place for you. Hard to admit? Yes. But you sound a lot like me and I KNOW I'm an alcoholic.

Sugah

Not all alcoholics walk around in a constant state of craving.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Lenetrk

You know what they say about good intentions. The one thing that struck me in what you said was "I stop drinking in excess when he's not with me." The one thing I didn't hear you say was you are an alcoholic. Until we can be honest with ourselves it's going to be difficult,You said"he can't trust me." Right now you can't trust yourself.There is no fixing your relationship until you own what is yours. I have been where you are and it might sound harsh but the reality of the situation is if you don't seek help there will be no relationship.Addiction of any sort doesn't get better it gets worse without intervention. And there is help out there! I know it's difficut but from your post you can hear how much you love this person. You both deserve a long happy life together. Try getting involved with your local AA group. You need someone who has been there and understands what your going through. My prayers are with you. And we all know you can do this.Keep posting you will get a lot of support here.

Inafishbowl

I have to keep reminding myself this multiple times a day. In a way I think it makes it harder for us periodic drinkers.

EmeraldRose

I didn't 'crave' it all the time either. But all of a sudden the trigger would click and *bam* that was it. If I had one I'd had 8, if I hadn't started I'd run to the store to get some. Sometimes I'd drink all day, sometimes for 3 days, sometimes just at night.
The point is...if you admit you can't control it...you'd better try harder to stay sober...which means embracing a support system.
Kinda sounds to me like you are halfway there with your thinking. You will have to be absolutely positively definately sure that you can stop.
Saying, I tried a counselor, I'm not sure about AA, I just don't know...that leads me to believe you are afraid to live without it despite the consequences.
Take some time spiritually and get inside your own head (sober). Is there a reason why you are afraid? A reason why you go back to the bottle?
I've only quit now for 45 days but after drinking for 30 years I've felt all the feelings, said all the excuses and basically had my head stuck in the sand.

Mark75

Hi Lasttime!!

Welcome to SR.

Good News! There is a solution, a way out... Join us! Let go of any preconceptions you may have, and be honest, open and willing... Put sobriety first... as you have seen so clearly, when we alcoholics don't, we lose everything we put before it.

Now, the road is rocky at first... I won't lie, the rewards, though, are priceless.

I found my solution in AA. I recommend you get to a meeting TONIGHT (remember, we put our sobriety first, and especially early on, it is imperative)... Even if you aren't sure, go to a meeting. Find out what it's all about, and you can't until you experience AA in person, live, in the real world... remember, let go of all your old ideas, they aren't working. There are other ways besides AA, and many here can attest to theirs, but do not have contempt prior to investigation.

Nice to see you here, keep coming back!!

lasttimegirl

Thank you all for your advice. i know I have a problem and I can't control it. I want to go to AA or get some counselling and I think it will help.
The last time this happened and I sought help it was really hard for me to do/admit to. My spouse doesn't really think i have a drinking problem; he thinks i'm just being selfish and not considering his feelings. Which is partially right, when i start drinking all i want to do is keep having fun.
you're right though; I have to own up to my drinking problem and get help. I'll find a meeting and get my drinking dealt with.

reggiewayne

Welcome. It sounds like we're discussing two seperate issues. 1. Getting your spouse to say. 2. Stopping getting out of control when drinking. They are different issues, but yet can probably be solved with one solution. That solution is probably stopping drinking for good.

For me, finding AA was a life changing thing. It takes daily action on your part but it really does work. One of the many benifits that I have experienced with AA is a really do treat my wife better. I have shown her that I've changed rather than telling her I've changed. Big difference. We get better little by little but it is possible for all of us.

I wish you the best. I'll share with you one of my many favorite sayings "Nothing changes until something changes". Take some action and see what happens!!

Inafishbowl

Last, my husband is hard pressed to call me an alcoholic. But he's very happy with all of the side effects of my sobriety. Likewise he hated the side effects of my lack of it...selfishness etc.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I agree with you that you have to fully accept that you are addicted to alcohol. And, whether or not your husband agrees with you, you know that you have a problem. He doesn't have to understand it, but it's up to you to fix it.

It doesn't matter that you don't crave it, or drink every day. What matters is what happens to you when you do drink, and it sounds like you lose control. That's addiction.

Stopping will be far easier than trying to control your drinking.

artsoul

Welcome to the forum - you're in the right place!
We understand because we've been there, too. The title of my first post here was "Why do I keep doing this to myself?" I could control the other areas of my life, so why couldn't I drink moderately or quit altogether?

I finally just gave up trying to beat the odds as it was getting me nowhere. I accepted my alcoholism and reached out for help.

I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship - it's unfortunate that most of us have to learn from consequences like this. You deserve a better life. I hope you keep posting/reading - this forum is a great place for support and information..... You're not alone.

Dee74

Hi lasttimegirl

It's rough to hear, but the only way I know to fix things is not have that first drink.

As for your husband - I agree with Anna - regardless of what he thinks or says, you have to be committed and responsible for your own sobriety.

You're not alone tho - you'll find a lot of support here - welcome!

D

CarolD

I'm glad you are going to head into a sober better future

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