Lunch with AH - haven't seen in 2 weeks
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KY
Posts: 38
Lunch with AH - haven't seen in 2 weeks
Ok, so yesterday was the first time I have seen my AH in 2 weeks (asked him to move out for 90 days or more). I was kind of dreading it, but it was the first time I was really ready to see him face to face.
I can tell it bothered him more then it did me. I have been seeing a counselor and going to Al-Anon. I have been reading "The Language of Letting Go" and getting better - I'm not healed, but soooo much better. I could tell he saw that in me. Him on the other hand, has gone to a few AA meetings, met with the Pastor and has counseling scheduled for this week. It appears he just wants to "fix" our marriage. How do you explain it's not about fixing us, it's about fixing us individually and the marriage will fall in place. He kept saying you don't seem like you miss me.... I responded what was there to miss? Trying not to be a smart a#$! I said I do not miss the house in chaos, I do not miss worrying, obsessing and fear! I do not miss finding bottles when I'm not loooking (still found 1 after he left, I do not miss cleaning up puke or pee cause you miss the toilet....
I know I cannot fix him, even though I am a fixer! I guess my question is or thought is... He thinks he is doing all the things I've asked, meetings, counseling, got his own checking acct, etc - but I don't feel that he really gets it. He can talk the AA talk, but I am not seeing him walk it! There is a child custody hearing in a few weeks for his child, my stepdaughter, I am confused if I want to even participate... He did comment he gets his 30 day coin that day... I doubt it's been 30 days... But that is not my problem!!
So confusing...when I get this way I just try to focus on me..
I can tell it bothered him more then it did me. I have been seeing a counselor and going to Al-Anon. I have been reading "The Language of Letting Go" and getting better - I'm not healed, but soooo much better. I could tell he saw that in me. Him on the other hand, has gone to a few AA meetings, met with the Pastor and has counseling scheduled for this week. It appears he just wants to "fix" our marriage. How do you explain it's not about fixing us, it's about fixing us individually and the marriage will fall in place. He kept saying you don't seem like you miss me.... I responded what was there to miss? Trying not to be a smart a#$! I said I do not miss the house in chaos, I do not miss worrying, obsessing and fear! I do not miss finding bottles when I'm not loooking (still found 1 after he left, I do not miss cleaning up puke or pee cause you miss the toilet....
I know I cannot fix him, even though I am a fixer! I guess my question is or thought is... He thinks he is doing all the things I've asked, meetings, counseling, got his own checking acct, etc - but I don't feel that he really gets it. He can talk the AA talk, but I am not seeing him walk it! There is a child custody hearing in a few weeks for his child, my stepdaughter, I am confused if I want to even participate... He did comment he gets his 30 day coin that day... I doubt it's been 30 days... But that is not my problem!!
So confusing...when I get this way I just try to focus on me..
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Doesn't it always seem that just when you are starting to get things in order the alkies start trying to drag you down again? They say animals can smell fear....I think alkies/addicts can smell progress...jeesh.
Keep doing all those things you have been doing and try not to get distracted with his crap. Your gut instinct is telling you he is not making real progress and I am sure that is the case. It is so much easier to trust our own perceptions when we don't have someone around gaslighting us all the time, isn't it?
Stay strong!
Keep doing all those things you have been doing and try not to get distracted with his crap. Your gut instinct is telling you he is not making real progress and I am sure that is the case. It is so much easier to trust our own perceptions when we don't have someone around gaslighting us all the time, isn't it?
Stay strong!
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