Third Time's the Charm
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
Third Time's the Charm
Hey everyone, this is the first time I have visited and posted on the forum.
I am using this forum because I want to help myself quit drinking and quit smoking marijuana, and I would like to help other people if I can.
I am a 24 year old male. I "seriously" tried to quit using substances twice during college (I graduated May 2010). Both times I was convinced I would never do either again. Both times, after a few months, I relapsed -- for many reasons, but mostly due to peer pressure.
I don't want this to happen again. I have been sober for 41 days, and I want to do everything I can to stay sober for the rest of my life.
Anyway, I wanted to introduce myself before I started posting on the forum.
I am using this forum because I want to help myself quit drinking and quit smoking marijuana, and I would like to help other people if I can.
I am a 24 year old male. I "seriously" tried to quit using substances twice during college (I graduated May 2010). Both times I was convinced I would never do either again. Both times, after a few months, I relapsed -- for many reasons, but mostly due to peer pressure.
I don't want this to happen again. I have been sober for 41 days, and I want to do everything I can to stay sober for the rest of my life.
Anyway, I wanted to introduce myself before I started posting on the forum.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Redefining Happy
Posts: 2,085
Welcome to SR! Glad you found us :-)
I signed on to SR in 2007, quit for 45 days or so, then went back to my old ways. Tried quitting again a year or so later, but that didn't last long. FINALLY I quit in March 2010 and I'm still sober
. I take things one day at a time (really one evening at a time as that's when I drank). Anyhow I wrote all that because the third time was a charm for me, as I hope it can be for you. Maybe the peer pressure will be gone now that you've graduated? What do you plan on doing differently? Keep posting and keep us updated.
I signed on to SR in 2007, quit for 45 days or so, then went back to my old ways. Tried quitting again a year or so later, but that didn't last long. FINALLY I quit in March 2010 and I'm still sober
. I take things one day at a time (really one evening at a time as that's when I drank). Anyhow I wrote all that because the third time was a charm for me, as I hope it can be for you. Maybe the peer pressure will be gone now that you've graduated? What do you plan on doing differently? Keep posting and keep us updated.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Irish
Posts: 552
I tried to stay sober on my own several times.I lasted.......a few months at the most then I slipped again.I did this for years......then I gave AA a try,It worked.The obsession left over time.I lived one day at a time.just like a bird.
I can plan for the future and I have delt with most of the Past.
From the way I lived before, I let so much build up I had to Drink And Drug.
Im now attending ACA to deal with unresolved Issues hidden in my phyche.
One day at a time Ill be 25 years Clean and Sober on the 26 of November next.Hard to believe ....the time has just flowen by.
I now have a lovely Family,Work,House,Car,Friends,Hobbies..........and most days Im Flat out.Learning to take it easy is where Im at at Present.Good Luck to you.
I can plan for the future and I have delt with most of the Past.
From the way I lived before, I let so much build up I had to Drink And Drug.
Im now attending ACA to deal with unresolved Issues hidden in my phyche.
One day at a time Ill be 25 years Clean and Sober on the 26 of November next.Hard to believe ....the time has just flowen by.
I now have a lovely Family,Work,House,Car,Friends,Hobbies..........and most days Im Flat out.Learning to take it easy is where Im at at Present.Good Luck to you.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I gave up marijuana, with no problem many years before my alcoholism surfaced.
that did require a more drastic approach ...a big understatement....
AA turned out to be my solution...and it's an awesome way
to enjoy a purpose joy filled life...
Well done on your sober time...Welcome to our recovery community
that did require a more drastic approach ...a big understatement....
AA turned out to be my solution...and it's an awesome way
to enjoy a purpose joy filled life...
Well done on your sober time...Welcome to our recovery community
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Congratulations on 41 days - that's wonderful!
You've come to a great place - it's helped me stay sober for 10 months and I couldn't be more grateful. This is my third time too and I'm determined to make it my last.....
Glad you're here - sobriety takes courage and strength, mainly to admit we can't do it alone. Keep going - you're worth it!
You've come to a great place - it's helped me stay sober for 10 months and I couldn't be more grateful. This is my third time too and I'm determined to make it my last.....
Glad you're here - sobriety takes courage and strength, mainly to admit we can't do it alone. Keep going - you're worth it!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 42
Congratulations on 41 days! This forum help me more than I expected....a great resource for all of us that struggle. Peep pressure is just that....don't let it take you off your course for who you see yourself as. If your peers can't accept who and how you are, then they're not for you. You're on a mission....I hope you see it through!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Welcome Bill
I was a pot smoker and drinker too - manys the time I let other people's opinion sway me - curiously tho I only ever listened to those who told me I didn't have a problem...not those who wanted me to stop LOL
You know what the real deal is.
I did - whatever my friends did or thought was irrelevant really - my lifestyle was knocking me around and I needed to stop.
This place was a great help to me in doing that.
Welcome aboard
D
I was a pot smoker and drinker too - manys the time I let other people's opinion sway me - curiously tho I only ever listened to those who told me I didn't have a problem...not those who wanted me to stop LOL
You know what the real deal is.
I did - whatever my friends did or thought was irrelevant really - my lifestyle was knocking me around and I needed to stop.
This place was a great help to me in doing that.
Welcome aboard
D
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
Wow, thanks to everyone for replying. I was amazed to come back and see so many responses.
At this point in my sobriety, I'm having a problem that I don't think is uncommon for people who have recently quit drinking. That is, I'm having a hard time forcing myself to go out and hang out with people and make friends without the use of alcohol.
The crazy part is, when I have soberly hung out with people in a normal environment, I have gotten along with them great and made some awesome friends. I am just extremely, extremely anxious about entering into those situations. For example, I have a hard time accepting an offer to go have coffee or dinner with a co-worker, because I feel so anxious. Obviously, in the past, I was drinking to get rid of that anxiety.
I think that with time this will improve. I am interested in hearing if anyone has gone through a similar experience? Any suggestions?
Thank you again for the responses.
At this point in my sobriety, I'm having a problem that I don't think is uncommon for people who have recently quit drinking. That is, I'm having a hard time forcing myself to go out and hang out with people and make friends without the use of alcohol.
The crazy part is, when I have soberly hung out with people in a normal environment, I have gotten along with them great and made some awesome friends. I am just extremely, extremely anxious about entering into those situations. For example, I have a hard time accepting an offer to go have coffee or dinner with a co-worker, because I feel so anxious. Obviously, in the past, I was drinking to get rid of that anxiety.
I think that with time this will improve. I am interested in hearing if anyone has gone through a similar experience? Any suggestions?
Thank you again for the responses.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 42
Definitely a common issue that you are dealing with. My suggestion is to accept invitations to seemingly positive events (coffee, dinner, etc.) with the expectation that they will be just that. Maybe put a specific time limit on the event or "have another obligation" handy in case these events turn into parties and you want to exit gracefully. This gets easier over time, and you'll learn who you want to spend time with and who you don't.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Middletown, N.J.
Posts: 53
billsaintjames,
today is my first day posting. after what seemed like many failed attempts, including a three month rehab program in tennessee this past february, i relapsed shortly after coming home. and binged last night. i had almost four months sober. and for whatever reason, compromised it all. ive been going to meetings which is very high anxiety for me. i feel somehow more panicky and nervous around people who are sober, forgetting how foolish i used to be in a crowd of strangers. i think part of me drank to ease the anxiety too. im having a very hard time going out and doing a whole lot right now but i know in time; hopefully sooner than later, that too will change. good luck.
today is my first day posting. after what seemed like many failed attempts, including a three month rehab program in tennessee this past february, i relapsed shortly after coming home. and binged last night. i had almost four months sober. and for whatever reason, compromised it all. ive been going to meetings which is very high anxiety for me. i feel somehow more panicky and nervous around people who are sober, forgetting how foolish i used to be in a crowd of strangers. i think part of me drank to ease the anxiety too. im having a very hard time going out and doing a whole lot right now but i know in time; hopefully sooner than later, that too will change. good luck.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
Hi Adisa, you've made an excellent decision joining this forum, lots of good stuff here.
Your relapse does not have to exist as a complete, irreversible failure. There are lots and lots of positive things to learn from a relapse. Take a good look at what happened, and take something away from it.
You are right, the anxiety does lessen with time, and I can attest to that. Since posting this topic over three months ago, I am doing much better. There is always room for improvement, but I am very happy with the progress I have made, and I look forward to improving upon it every day. If you stay committed to your recovery, there is no reason you shouldn't expect similar results.
Your relapse does not have to exist as a complete, irreversible failure. There are lots and lots of positive things to learn from a relapse. Take a good look at what happened, and take something away from it.
You are right, the anxiety does lessen with time, and I can attest to that. Since posting this topic over three months ago, I am doing much better. There is always room for improvement, but I am very happy with the progress I have made, and I look forward to improving upon it every day. If you stay committed to your recovery, there is no reason you shouldn't expect similar results.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Middletown, N.J.
Posts: 53
billsaintjames,
thank you for the encouragement. ive spent the most of the day in reflection and can easily pull out some pretty significant patterns looking back on last night. ive been on depression/anxiety medication for what seems life forever and when combined with drinking, it immediately got worse. giving medication and therapy another chance. hoping to one day not take a pill for anything. just to be able to feel again. good or bad, its gotta be better than the guilt and shame that drinking brings.
thank you for the encouragement. ive spent the most of the day in reflection and can easily pull out some pretty significant patterns looking back on last night. ive been on depression/anxiety medication for what seems life forever and when combined with drinking, it immediately got worse. giving medication and therapy another chance. hoping to one day not take a pill for anything. just to be able to feel again. good or bad, its gotta be better than the guilt and shame that drinking brings.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
I would also like to add that I am currently struggling with my motivation to stay away from marijuana (I will be 6 months clean from MJ on July 6th). Appropriately, the only thing that is keeping me away from it is straight-up logic, the type I have learned at SR and from other resources that advocate 100% sobriety.
On the other hand, it just seems so goddamn appealing for marijuana to be my exclusive intoxicant. That seems to me to be the holy grail of recreational intoxication. "But why do you need to intoxicate yourself at all?", one might ask. Well, don't we intoxicate ourselves with other elements? Ideally, none of us would be eating cheeseburgers or candy bars or drinking soda or coffee, let alone smoking cigarettes, or eating potato chips, sitting on the couch, getting fat while watching American Idol.
A recurring idea that I have is that we all have vices in our lives, and if we are able to manage them in a way that still allows for a healthy life, why deprive ourselves of the pleasure? Particularly marijuana, which is unarguably the least harmful of all intoxicants.
I'm not trying to stir up a debate or advocate for marijuana use, as I am well aware this site advocates 100% sobriety. But, I do want to get these thoughts out of my head, and I figure this is as good a place as any.
On the other hand, it just seems so goddamn appealing for marijuana to be my exclusive intoxicant. That seems to me to be the holy grail of recreational intoxication. "But why do you need to intoxicate yourself at all?", one might ask. Well, don't we intoxicate ourselves with other elements? Ideally, none of us would be eating cheeseburgers or candy bars or drinking soda or coffee, let alone smoking cigarettes, or eating potato chips, sitting on the couch, getting fat while watching American Idol.
A recurring idea that I have is that we all have vices in our lives, and if we are able to manage them in a way that still allows for a healthy life, why deprive ourselves of the pleasure? Particularly marijuana, which is unarguably the least harmful of all intoxicants.
I'm not trying to stir up a debate or advocate for marijuana use, as I am well aware this site advocates 100% sobriety. But, I do want to get these thoughts out of my head, and I figure this is as good a place as any.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Middletown, N.J.
Posts: 53
kudos on your upcoming anniversary. interesting thoughts. i like the idea of each of us able to have our own exclusive intoxicant. just the wording is desirable. ive often wondered where enjoyment in simple pleasure has gone. remember being a little kid and drawing on the sidewalk with chalk or making forts and spending the day in them was something that held your attention? and think about it. you never looked at your watch as a kid or clutched your cell phone for dear life. simple pleasures were just that, simple. when did having to alter our mood or state of being make things "better" or "manageable"? when did life get that hard? kudos on your upcoming anniversary.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
Thank you Adisa. You bring up an interesting dilemma. Of course, we have to recognize that the freedom and general disregard many of us enjoyed as kids has to come to an end as we get older and have increasing responsibilities to take care of, and we are better off for it. At the same time, I don't want to live a dull, super-serious, guarded, sheltered adult life. And, obviously I don't want to be on the opposite end of that either. I know all too well the baggage that comes with that.
So we have to find that middle ground that is comfortable and healthy for us. It has just been very difficult for me to accept what other people constitute as sobriety. The whole mantra just seems so hypocritical to me sometimes, primarily in its tolerance of medicines, nicotine, caffeine, and who knows what else. But then, sobriety is completely subjective anyway, so why do I even care?
Deep down I know I am just looking for a legitimate excuse to get high. I know what it takes to get "sober", and it is clearly working for lots of other people.
So we have to find that middle ground that is comfortable and healthy for us. It has just been very difficult for me to accept what other people constitute as sobriety. The whole mantra just seems so hypocritical to me sometimes, primarily in its tolerance of medicines, nicotine, caffeine, and who knows what else. But then, sobriety is completely subjective anyway, so why do I even care?
Deep down I know I am just looking for a legitimate excuse to get high. I know what it takes to get "sober", and it is clearly working for lots of other people.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Middletown, N.J.
Posts: 53
finding this middle ground... that is healthy. it is difficult for me to accept how social drinking has become. its almost like its incorporated with everything. and its completely accepted... im not sure why i care so much about what other people are doing either...maybe resenting the fact that i cant...why is it such a deep desire? its momentary gratification and it feels good. you can say that about most pleasures or indulgences. trying to find them in sobriety is something that i truly want to focus on. doing whatever it takes to get sober...and finding some sort of excitement in it: the challenge.
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