Anger..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 333
Anger..
I am now on day 15, and am soooo angry - why I am so angry? I'm tearful, fed up, screamed at my daughter inthe car as she was behaving , like a whiny spoiled brat (I'm the one who spoils her so what right have i got to scare her and make her cry 
)
I have a meeting tonight so hopefully will be able to calm down there. It's just horrible - I'm been so positive and energetic these past two weeks, and today...blergh ..There's other stuff going on in my life I guess, have recently walked out of my job, feeling the pinch financially, general 'life' going on, but I hate this temper.
)I have a meeting tonight so hopefully will be able to calm down there. It's just horrible - I'm been so positive and energetic these past two weeks, and today...blergh ..There's other stuff going on in my life I guess, have recently walked out of my job, feeling the pinch financially, general 'life' going on, but I hate this temper.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
I just posted something similar in the alcoholism forum. You're not alone; actually I think it's quite common in early sobriety.
Emotions are a bit more raw when we stop blotting them out by getting drunk.
Emotions are a bit more raw when we stop blotting them out by getting drunk.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Anger was a huge issue for me when I began to recover.
I felt like I was overwhelmed with the emotion, to the point that I began to do a lot of soul-searching. I realized that the anger I felt was towards myself. I had gotten myself into a situation that I never would have believed possible. Once I became aware of that, I began the slow process of forgiving myself. Journalling can help defuse anger, too.
I felt like I was overwhelmed with the emotion, to the point that I began to do a lot of soul-searching. I realized that the anger I felt was towards myself. I had gotten myself into a situation that I never would have believed possible. Once I became aware of that, I began the slow process of forgiving myself. Journalling can help defuse anger, too.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
I drank not to feel better but to feel nothing.
Comfortably numb was not only a song, but my theme in life. When I quit, the anger came out like a tsunami.
I would suggest a program for recovery: if you are using AA, don't just go to meetings. I thought meetings alone would do it. I didn't choose a sponsor or start the steps until I had been in AA for almost a year. It was a year of a lot of anger.
Step 4, the personal inventory and the amends is when I could finally learn the skills of stepping back (pausing) from my emotions and analyzing them. I learned that most of my anger was not even logical and was based on resentment.
Thank goodness I can now pause when I feel emotions and ask myself: what am I feeling, and why?
It's helped tremendously, and I can say that anger is an infrequent emotion these days. When I feel it, most of the time I can nip it in the bud and understand that it is really something else bothering me: resentment, fear, the desire to flee, or discontent.
Comfortably numb was not only a song, but my theme in life. When I quit, the anger came out like a tsunami.
I would suggest a program for recovery: if you are using AA, don't just go to meetings. I thought meetings alone would do it. I didn't choose a sponsor or start the steps until I had been in AA for almost a year. It was a year of a lot of anger.
Step 4, the personal inventory and the amends is when I could finally learn the skills of stepping back (pausing) from my emotions and analyzing them. I learned that most of my anger was not even logical and was based on resentment.
Thank goodness I can now pause when I feel emotions and ask myself: what am I feeling, and why?
It's helped tremendously, and I can say that anger is an infrequent emotion these days. When I feel it, most of the time I can nip it in the bud and understand that it is really something else bothering me: resentment, fear, the desire to flee, or discontent.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 333
I am doing AA - just started - I do want to get a sponsor, still 'sussing it out' really! I've sort of started the steps on my own - well step 1 of course, which I keep returning to daily... I am, by nature, an angry and resentful kind person sadly, and am in a situation at the moment where someone has got away with something appalling and I just want REVENGE!!! This is, I know a terribly bad thing and I keep trying to clear my mind of it, it's not easy, but not drinking is a massive help.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
That is great that you have chosen a program.
I think a lot of us assume we are angry and resentful by nature, but....are we?
I too have been in the situation where people have committed appalling crimes against my family...sadly it has been other family members doing the crime.
One of the benefits of being in AA for me has been the offshoots of the program. I just started a study group based on "A Course of Miracles". It is not AA, it is faith based, I understand it is not for a lot of people. But, I have found many things through the AA fellowship that are not necessarily AA. AA people led me to the course although it is clearly not AA.
The Course in Miracles has an exercise for every day of the year. Here is today's exercise:
"I am never upset for the reason I think".
hee: sound familiar?
I think a lot of us assume we are angry and resentful by nature, but....are we?
I too have been in the situation where people have committed appalling crimes against my family...sadly it has been other family members doing the crime.
One of the benefits of being in AA for me has been the offshoots of the program. I just started a study group based on "A Course of Miracles". It is not AA, it is faith based, I understand it is not for a lot of people. But, I have found many things through the AA fellowship that are not necessarily AA. AA people led me to the course although it is clearly not AA.
The Course in Miracles has an exercise for every day of the year. Here is today's exercise:
"I am never upset for the reason I think".
hee: sound familiar?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Cool. Try to remember that you'll go through all kinds of emotional ups & downs before you settle into your new normal.
I was crying & fearful in the beginning, then relieved that I got the junk out of my system, then angry & edgy as it sunk in that I didn't have my crutch anymore. After a few months the sun started to come out again - I felt like I'd weathered a storm - and all the positive things began to kick in. The joy of not being a slave anymore, & being master of my fate, has outweighed any of the other stuff. Be patient with yourself - you're doing great.
I was crying & fearful in the beginning, then relieved that I got the junk out of my system, then angry & edgy as it sunk in that I didn't have my crutch anymore. After a few months the sun started to come out again - I felt like I'd weathered a storm - and all the positive things began to kick in. The joy of not being a slave anymore, & being master of my fate, has outweighed any of the other stuff. Be patient with yourself - you're doing great.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
One thing I have learned through my AA sponsor is that when we make a mess we get to clean it up.
When I open my mouth and say bad things, when I am mean, when I behave badly...I get to fix it.
I get to apologize for my big fat mouth. I get to go to the person I have harmed and apologize, not just sorry, but acknowledge what I have done. I am sorry I was mean to you. I am trying to not be so angry, but I made a mistake. I was mean to you, and I am sorry. I will try to not do that again.
Then we have to stop creating wreckage in sobriety.
We have no right to harm others, especially our children.
We must do whatever we can to control our behavior and our words.
It is difficult, but it does get easier in time.
The anger does go away.
You can fix this. Do something wonderful with your child today. We don't stay in the problem, we get to fix it, get into the solution, be the woman of integrity, the sober woman that is capable of loving, being at peace, and we get to bite our tongue, be loving, kind, patient.
It may be different than how we have behaved in the past. It takes practice. Self-pity leads to anger. Be careful.
Poor me, I am on edge...so I think I snap at my child. Lash out at everyone around me and cause harm...
Can you relate? I can. I have been there and it causes harm to others. I don't want to cause any more harm now that I am sober. I did enough while drinking. So we get to change.
"Selfishness, self centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles." This is written in our book of AA, How It Works.
It also says:
"If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience."
Being resentful is very selfish. Why do I get to be resentful and mean to others? Why do "I" get to be mean to others then run off to a meeting for "me" to feel better after I have harmed others?
I never realized how self-centered and selfish resentments are, ...how self-centered and selfish I am.
"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile. . .When harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit."
When I open my mouth and say bad things, when I am mean, when I behave badly...I get to fix it.
I get to apologize for my big fat mouth. I get to go to the person I have harmed and apologize, not just sorry, but acknowledge what I have done. I am sorry I was mean to you. I am trying to not be so angry, but I made a mistake. I was mean to you, and I am sorry. I will try to not do that again.
Then we have to stop creating wreckage in sobriety.
We have no right to harm others, especially our children.
We must do whatever we can to control our behavior and our words.
It is difficult, but it does get easier in time.
The anger does go away.
You can fix this. Do something wonderful with your child today. We don't stay in the problem, we get to fix it, get into the solution, be the woman of integrity, the sober woman that is capable of loving, being at peace, and we get to bite our tongue, be loving, kind, patient.
It may be different than how we have behaved in the past. It takes practice. Self-pity leads to anger. Be careful.
Poor me, I am on edge...so I think I snap at my child. Lash out at everyone around me and cause harm...
Can you relate? I can. I have been there and it causes harm to others. I don't want to cause any more harm now that I am sober. I did enough while drinking. So we get to change.
"Selfishness, self centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles." This is written in our book of AA, How It Works.
It also says:
"If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience."
Being resentful is very selfish. Why do I get to be resentful and mean to others? Why do "I" get to be mean to others then run off to a meeting for "me" to feel better after I have harmed others?
I never realized how self-centered and selfish resentments are, ...how self-centered and selfish I am.
"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile. . .When harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Here's some interesting info...I'm going back to finish reading it now...
Managing Anger - Maintain Abstinence by Managing Your Anger
Managing Anger - Maintain Abstinence by Managing Your Anger
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
It is said when we get sober we "feel" better. It's true! We feel anger better, resentment better, anxiety better, etc... Just try and take a deep breathe, say the serenity prayer over and over, and remember that "this too shall pass. I know these are "stock" answers and wish I had something different, but that is what I've found that works for me.
Hang in there...
Hang in there...
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