Innate

I'll start off with a little back ground info.

Hi, first off I wanted to say that I am hopeful since finding this website, and am glad I can finally talk to other's who have been in my place- I have been seeking, researching, and wanting to help these strangers that i call family for years. I would call myself an anti-doctor anti-perscription type of person.

I am a male, 22 years of age, and live in a house that is, well a mess for lack of better word. My parents have been on perscription pain killers, muscle relaxers, anxiety, and sleeping pills (depends on the year, but often there were even more) for 8+ years. Both are prescribed their pills, and don't think they have a problem, or what they are doing to them selves is a problem. The root of this started first with my mom, she had a back surgery done back in 2001. Which is about the same time my brother started abusing pills. I knew about his "partying" because well, it was obvious, we were friends at the time, and went to the same school(s). I knew his friends as good as my own before the abusing. Anyways, I didn't like what he was doing, but being so young i figured it was just a "phase" or something, so for a while i just turned my head. Eventually he and his friends tried to get me into abusing pills- while taking away some of my own friends, initially i didn't want anything to do with opiates as I could see how it changed my brother and friends. The turning my head lasted a while, until i eventually couldn't stand being around him, and most the time I was cut off from him anyways while he "hid" out in his room. I didn't want to be the "rat" (keep it mind i was like 14-15?) but knew it was a serious problem that he needed help with. So i would search his room while he was out to see "how serious" it was. Once i found he was doing oxycontin quite frequently i went to my parents. At first- they were furious and went about everything the wrong way in my eyes. It was always a verbal engagement when my sister was gone and i was busy, or so they thought- IE-I am so dissapointed in you, I remember my dad calling him a waste of skin, etc. Of course- He would deny it. Okay- Back up. Shortly after my moms surgery in 2001, her loratabs and ambien would go missing quite frequently, my dad was always a paranoia and would clame how people broke into the house and stole them. We believed it for a while, and then when they found out there son was abusing pain killers, the blame switched to him and his friends. Well, i beleive it was 2003, my dad finally had neck surgery. He was always in and out of the doc for neck problems before hand. (I would bet money on it now that it was to feed his addiction to pain killers) So once he could "openly" be on them for a "real" and "serious" condition, he bought him self and my mother personal safes so they could hide their problems. Well- At first my mom wouldn't use it. Her pills, would go missing, with the blame passed on to my brother. My dad would get mad at her for leaving them out. We would have family meetings about my brothers problem, as well to try and get to the bottom of where the pills went- my brother always denied it, and i sort of believed him. I mean, why would he steal loratab, and ambien when he has money and access to "better" drugs. So i was confused.

Well appx 2005 when my brother graduated high school, they almost quit worrying abut him, even with hard evidence. They would believe he was clean, and I would always be made into the fool when i tried to talk to them about it. So not knowing what to do, I quit caring. I started drinking on the weekends, and felt like I was the size of an ant. At this age i was about 15. I got an alcohol ticket, and said okay no more of that. Well my friends did too- and they couldn't drink anymore. So they switched to.... Opiates! I dabbled with loratab and perkiset(sp?) for about a year and a half, but knew i was addicted after about the first 2 weeks. It wasn't until about the 1 year mark i could seperate my self from the ego and see that this was bad, and the person who appeared to be myself, wasn't at all me. very bad. I had blindly lost friends i once had, hated who i was, hated how they made me feel, was uncontrolably irritable, lazy, selfish as ever, zero self control, depressed, stressed, and lost interest in an extreme sport i was dominating before hand, and let down sponsors. I fought for 6 months trying to get off them, and eventually did. I haven't touched them for 6 years or so, not counting the last summer when i got hit, err into an accident on my street motorcycle. I took a loratab 5 (im very sensitive to chemicals going into my body) and was sicker than a dog, high as a kite puking into the toilet trying to get it out of my system, and worst of all- that other self was trying to take over who i was. Sorry, got a little side track- I just had to explain my self so no one started to point the finger. Okay so after my bro got out of high school, he started using heroin as my parents business wasn't doing as good, and he couldn't afford oxycontin. He worked, but to support an oxycontin addiction, you've got to be A. Perscribed, or B. Wealthy. He was neither, and asked for lunch money daily till he was about 20 years old, washed windows, did whatever he could to get a little extra coin to support his addiction. (i haven't asked for a dollar since i was 15 when i got my first job). Well the heroin addiction ended shortly after 3 friends of mine and his had died all with in about a year. He switched to- Methadone liquid. Was abusing that for a while, switched to the methadone pills, abused that for a while. Went back to heroin, and now abuses suboxin(sp?) as well as adderall. He has never been prescribed any of these keep in mind. Even though we both live at home, we do for different reasons. He doesn't have much money to his name even after working for 8 years. My father bailed him out of credit union debts multiple times. I don't make contact with him very much other than at work, we work for the family business- my father, the owner, has only come to work 5-6 short times in the last 2-3 years. I live at home, because I feel like if i leave before anything changes, they will all rot away, and i especially don't want my mom left in that situation because she's starting to see the light.

So here I am, it's 2011. The behavior changes in my father, i really started to notice once my sister moved off to college. That was Dec 2009. But I've already probably written too much, so i'll cut to it.

His behavior really got whacko about summer of last year, he made up this HUGE lie about these people who were after him, told my family he was working with the police etc. Come to find out, all a lie. I wasn't supposed to know, my brother eventually told me after i talked to him about this man we called our father, and what we can or should do. His reasoning for making up the stephan king fantasy story was he claims that people really were after him, and he made up the whole thing to try and scare them away. My sister- innocent, and christ like, still doesn't know it was a lie. So near the end of last year i started searching his stuff in fear he was doing meth or something. It hadn't really registered till i was thinking about it, that he had been consistantly taking some sort of cough/cold medicine for about the last year and a half. Doesn't matter, i was the fool again. Turns out he was abusing this cold med that you can only buy 1 box per month of, cant remember the name, but my mom had said she'd botten in a couple times in the last few months, turns out he was knowing or unknowingly abusing the medicine because the ephedrine in it finally gave him that new high he'd been looking for. Well he went on claiming there were millions of bugs in the carpet, throwing all our towels and rugs away, deep cleaning the carpets daily, pulling it up, etc- this is when i blew up, went to my mom, and said, enoughs enough. We agreed she would talk to him about it, well she didn't. Ended up being a "doctor" telling him it was not good to take and mix with his anti depressent meds and that particular one was not good for you. Well he still was having crazy episodes- doc sais it was the neurotin, pulls him off that, puts him on something else. Sadly, I have always looked down upon my father, as i feel like i haven't actually seen my father in almost 10 years, and had to play adult most of my life growing up. He is always right, even if you have hard evidence and proof, he still walk away thinking he's right. Thats if you can talk to him with out the conversation being one sided, most the time it turns into him talking, not giving a rats a## about what you have to say, even if he asks you a question. My mom feared if i confronted him or tried to talk to him about it, it would get violent- which shes probably right. Later she mentioned how i had talked to her about her own and his pill use. Before she even got into it, he called her a very durogitory name for believing anything " that psychotic F-" has to say. Obviously, me being that psychotic person... Right. Well, i think I've gotten my mom starting to see my point of view. When I initially talked to her about the pill usage- Denial. Then- Her main reason for taking the pain killers was she has chronic pain, and will for the rest of her life. My main explination for that: "You have chronic pain because you've been on pain killers for almost 10 years, of course your going to be in chronic pain when you quit taking them. You haven't tried not taking them one day for that many years. Like it or not, you are addicted just like my brother, and just like my father" I had prepared what and how i was going to talk to her for a few months- constantly thinking about it- and fearing. Fearing because both my parents are very judgemental, and un-open to ideas that are not their own. It's very hard to say what you want to say to them because they always turn it a different direction, or in reality, I feel like they just don't care. They have their pills, and in my eyes, that's all they need. Both of them are miserable, my dad looks like he's 10 years older than he is, he's always "sick". honestly as of late i think its a fake sick to get the codeine cough syrup, its been on/off for the past year and a lot of times he will seem just fine to me- his voice crisp and clear. Then work calls or my mom calls- and instantly its that raspy sick voice feel bad for me type of situation. He always is hiding out, cleaning, caughing up and examing mucous, or fixing stuff that doesn't need to be fixed. He is an addict. Those pills mean more to him than his family, his work, or anything. They are almost constantly hidden, counted, etc. Oh i forgot to mention- He's not famous by any means, but has a big number of employees working under his name, and i feel like society would find out almost instantly if word got out, which would hurt the business i work at, which someday could be my own.

I just don't know what to do, my sister doesn't have the slightest clue, my brother doesn't really care to do anything about it as he's still combating his own struggles, my mom sort of see's my point of veiw, but not entirely as she still on them, but she promised she'd give it her best to quit if i quit smoking. Well, i have been nicotine free since mid january and she's down to half a 50mg tramadol pill a day. And it's a very good thing, we all know how great it is being sober, but what we don't all know is how easy it would be for me to start smoking again, and quit caring about my parents. I don't want this to happen, since i quit, this problem has been eating and eating at me, daily, almost hourly. I need to find a solution to this so i don't fear going home from work every day, I need to find the courage, strength, and words to have an intelligent conversation with my father about his perscriptions. Abusing or not, i don't know as they're doctor will prescribe them what ever, when ever, often with out visit. But what i do know, i haven't seen my child hood father i looked up and respected to so much pre 2000 for quite some time. I am sick of our house feeling like nothing more than strangers living together. It's tough to socially chat with my mom, dad or brother for that matter. Most the time it's only if one needs or wants something from the other. No matter how hard i try to come home from work, just hang out be sociable, never happens. There isn't tension between us, and no real odd event to cause this- other than the behavior that comes from prolonged pain killer usage- abusing or not, in my eyes, you take this stuff daily, it will change you, no matter if its 1 pill or 2.

If anyone had the strength to read through that, thank you and sorry for errors, it was written fast with my mind all over the place. Please feel free to write your thoughts, i don't care if it's "your the problem, get out of there". I can take critisism, i am desperate and just want help.

Thank You

micealc

Check the Characteristics......Id say ACA Program or AlAnon may help you.
Have a look at this site. The Dr. Janet G. Woititz A.C.O.A (Adult Children of Alcoholics) Awareness Center

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You are not looking after yourself..........Like me ,you are powerless to Change others I cant Change them..........you can only change yourself if you are willing to accept Help.:day6

NorthernLight

This is not a sane situation. Literally the only thing you can do is do everything you can to get yourself out of this house. It's likely that you will never not actually care about your parents. I haven't lived with my parents for 6 years and I still think about them a lot and feel sad that they lead their lives in desperation and depression, but I've been able to start to build a life that is my own and that isn't based in any way shape or form around their addiction. The more you push to try to talk with them, make them see the light, the more you're actually feeding into the cycle, catering to their addiction.

Like the poster above suggested, read some literature, attend an al-anon or acoa meeting- there is real support out there for you, both on these boards and at these meetings. You will start to realize that it's you and you alone that you need to focus on. I am sorry you are going through this.