SashaFierce

I wanted to post this before being influenced by anythings else I read here...And SHAME on me.

What’s happened so far??

I have finished all my work @ 10pm (I mean house work)
Finished work.. Did a few Loads, Cooked, washed dishes, put kids to bed, oldest one did homework, talked to soccer coach (that’s been avoiding me) cant find remote so didn’t watch shows on TiVo…. Started reading notes from actual Work (job)

Got first drink @10:20pm ish…thought it would just take anxiousness off…(no edginess Today…. , whoo hoo!) It is now 12:35 a.m.…I’ve done a little bit of review for work and a lot a drinking…almost all of bottle is gone…ok is this good or bad!!!! Or do I already know the answer …I think I often forgive myself because I often already have the few first activities DONE by the usual time of night so I don’t come across as being a certain way to anyone else ….but can someone who really knows please spell it out for me and make it PLAIN for me the way your Grandmother would ..., Because I really need to know at this point.. If THIS is really what happens…. Give or Take a few events…. what Normally happens …do I need to be worried about myself to check myself IN …because regardless of how the night goes one thing never changes.. ………………………………………..(1st drink around 10:30 (pm) or so…an so on….) or do I need to just Cut back???????????????????

OK.
Whew.

SashaFierce

This was right before I said of course something is wrong!!, remember soberRecovery??? ...But I know YOU guys have taken in a girl like ME before...

artsoul

Hi Sasha - I often found myself in your shoes, finishing up the last of a bottle and then wishing I could get sober(!) And the next morning, really wanting to get sober. Then by evening all bets were off. I'd get a rush of adrenaline just thinking about going to buy another bottle and that's all it took..... off I'd go and the cycle would start all over again.

I finally saw that things were going to continue that way unless I got some help and put my heart and soul into sobriety.

You can do it, too...... Isn't it ironic that while we're drinking, we try SO hard to convince others we're sober? So much insanity with this disease.

Hope you can begin again tomorrow.

CarolD

Please read your PM's from me...

Yes you too can win over alcohol....and begin a sober future

SashaFierce

Thank you ArtSoul, Carol will do ..

SashaFierce

Can you guys just quickly also add what worked for you...because I think Im starting to answer my own questions again...I know Ive got a prob but I cant seem to figure out how to move past.. or atleast work towards getting over my problems......

SashaFierce

EveryTime I gt SOBER I get So happy that I wanna Drink AGAIN!!...???...I am so baffled by this...no headache no nothing....why did i have the urge to drink? , One of my best friends said its because I have formed bad -HABITS- not -Addiction-,...I dont think she really understands... (and she's known me most of my Life!!)...This is why I continue to come back here, Atleast you guys speak my language...

CarolD

I added another PM ..with suggestions on how to move forward.
Sorry to leave ...but I have an early doctors appointment


Others will be along to share with you too.. try to relax
and maybe get some rest....come back later to read more
K?

ChikkaB

Hi Sasha, great that you're here and wanting to get off the alcohol merry-go-round!

What worked for me was getting myself to an AA meeting and just listening to and being with people who understood on a personal level what I was up against.

Presstoe

Hey there Fierce, I try to moderate my drinking. I've been here a very short time, I came because I have some concerns. I can very much relate to having everything done and thinking "what can it hurt?" The thing is that even if I only have 2 or 3 drinks, I just don't want to sleep and I guess it's enough to disinhibit me where I lose the ability to take a common sense approach about what time I have to get up in the morning.

I keep a journal, read it, write comments about whatever went wrong because I didn't sleep, had too many etc. That's why I came here because I have self control issues and they get worse with alcohol. I feel like the little kid who can't turn off the video game and go to bed.

What I'm working on now is a strict schedule including mainly a set bed time. If I can't handle following it after having a drink or 2 then the drinks are gonna have to go. The journal helps, I yell at myself in it when completely sober and call myself out on excuses I make. I read it and try to be mindful. Weekends or having too much time off can get tricky because I get bored. I plan my days off, just like work days and write on my calendar what I'm going to do, fun stuff, non-drinking stuff with non-drinking friends, like museums, movies, show- I went to a Monster Truck rally, then again I did have a drink while I was there but it was one with lots of nachos- it was a blast!!!

I also think of how much money I can save, or what else I can spend it on other than a bottle, and I spoil myself on fun stuff. I also try to treat myself to long baths or save money and get a professional 60 min massage. I guess it works for me, not that I never make mistakes, I'm here right? Of course I've got problems...

Good luck, hope maybe some of the suggestions help!

LaFemme

Hi Sasha!

What helped for me was the realization that my future was going to be 10% alcohol free and then changing the way I viewed alcohol. From a necessary and important part of adult life to a foul tasting poison that destroy people spiritually, physically and emotionally.

Good luck.

least

It's good if you intended to finish the bottle. It's bad if you didn't intend to finish the bottle.


I'm not sure what you're asking here... If you're trying to stop drinking then it's bad that you finished the bottle. I used to try to moderate my drinking but it never worked. I had to stop drinking completely.

OklaBH

I was you not long ago. I would drink, cut back, totally stop and then start agin. WHEW it was EXHAUSTING! I would wake up feeling so guilty and telling myself "this is it, no more, I cant do this" After a shower and a few productive activities I would convince myself I was fine and drink again. No more! I started attending AA meetings. The first meeting was the scariest thing! Now I look forward to them. I get a real charge and new strength when I go. Try one out. You will get some real and honest clarity. Its just an hour of your life.

LaFemme

That would be 100% alcohol free...lol

Theophania

I used to be the same as you OP. I would start to have a drink with every intention of stopping after just a couple to calm me down. Seemed though that it always ended with me polishing off whatever I could find until I could pass out in bed.

I tried to control my dinking for the last two years (didn't work out so great), I remember one night when my DH was working night shift, it was a Friday night and I intended on getting the kiddies off to bed early and sitting down to my fav movie and drinking 1 bottle of wine and then going to bed. Well the night ended at about 3.30am, 3 bottles of wine later and an international phone call (which lasted a while and spent the next few weeks freaking out about my bill arriving). I was home alone with my two babies, if something had of happened I was in no state to help anyone. This for me was one of the points where I stopped and thought maybe I had a problem.... There were a few more 'incidents' before I really took a good look at myself, and that is when I found my way to AA.

I don't think it is normal to have to worry about controlling your drinks. A normal person can just have one and stop without freaking out about polishing off the whole bottle. But no one can tell you that you have a problem, its really something you need to discover yourself. Good luck on your journey

RebelAngel

Oops, for a moment thought I'd read a post from a couple of weeks ago I didn't remember...except for the bit about the soccer coach!! That was my pattern too, start late after kids in bed, surprisingly find bottle empty about an hour later. More recently had to have 2nd bottle stashed in case husband wanted a glass so he wouldn't know that we were NOT 'sharing'. PERSONALLY I am 100% convinced that I can NEVER go back to being a 'social' or 'moderate' drinker. I'm really happy on my 3rd day sober after horrible relapse. You'll find so much support here, good luck

SashaFierce

Great advice Presstoe, having a set bed time may help becuase Im kind of a night owl anyways, and when I was younger used to read late. LaFemme I was wondering about that 10% as well! lol. Thank you everyone for your advice..Least I think I was riding this wave of 'Im doing great becuase everything is done', but as soon as I started drinking my entire productive night was derailed...and then it just became a night of drinking.

SashaFierce

So I guess kinda like a good night turned bad...and then I got angry with myself and decided to post on here. I think the problem is that I go through this analyzation often and come to terms with the fact that there is definitely a problem. But then i watch tv, or talk to friends and see that other people are doing the same and convince myslef that it not as bad as I think it is...But deep down inside i know that others arent really doing what i do..and just becuase i see a woman on tv with a glass of wine doesnt mean she downs the entire gallon every night.

wander2

Sasha.. Like you said people here speak your language. It might help to join a group or a thread where multiple people are quitting. This way you have a place to vent where people understand where you're coming from. And people with who are going thru the same things your are.

SashaFierce

yea I was thinkin about that earlier too..either the alcohol page or AA.. oh God..(AA)