tam

I have been doing good in my recovery, finally out and about and enjoying things I enjoy doing. I started going to zumba, yoga and next week start adult volleyball and out running ..while still going through the divorce process and BANG! I get broad sided by him again. late feb.he called my work and in a nice/concerning manner asked how I was feeling and what my medical status was as I was going for tests for my lymphoma, I told him I would not discuss my private life with him. He asked nicely if he could come to our home and get estimates on repairs, I nicely said no, not without an appt. or with your attorney. (we have a tenant) he quickly became angry and threatened to call the police on me/tenant and get us both kicked out. I hung up and called my attorney,she immediately wrote his attorney and again instructed them to make an appt. and stop harrassing and threatening me and the tenant. all was quiet. 2 days ago, he appeared at the house with the young girl and a excavator unannounced. my tenant went to get the mail saw the trucks and thought it was odd that I didnt tell her an excavator was coming, so she went to go back inside when suddenly my AH,the young girl appeared with the men and my AH threatened my tenant in saying "I own this f...home and if you enjoy living here I advise you not to call the police or I will through you out", the young girl stood there laughing about it.my tenant called me at work then called the police. my attorney
advised her to go file a complaint immediately against my AH as this was a serious situation. she asked me to meet her at the station as she isnt familiar with the place and needed help with her infant son and being she was hysterically crying and I felt responsible for her, I agreed. well, you would think they would be helpful right? not, they accused me of egging her on, they said this was over the divorce and that really pissed me off! thankfully my recovery showed through and I remained calm and told the officers it has nothing to do with my divorce. they said he allowed on the property anytime as he owns it, okay fine and so its okay to threaten people,its okay to be under the influence and snap on people? my tenant was very very upset and shaking and crying and told them she will not leave until a complaint is filed. finally they did it for her and she appears next week in court.
this sickens me, literally sickens me. I feel like a victim all over again, now an innocent person gets threatens and it upsets me to see this. what does it take to stop the madness of an addict?
Im tired of it, Im tired of living in fear, Im tired of being treated like Im nuts or the bad person (he told the cops Im not cooperating with him and selling the house,which we arent even near any discussions with that,he even went on and lied that an appt.was setup)..I feel I took 100 steps back, Im tired. its bad enough I had to be the brunt of his behavior now people who have nothing to do with it are being harrassed?
anyhow, my attorney once again wrote a letter and indicated 1 more time and he will be charged with domestic violence.
I have to pick myself up, wipe myself off and get back on the road of recovery. I am thankful Im here, I am thankful I have a great support system, I am thankful for my family/friends..got to keep strong,got to keep going.
I know this was long, but I just had to vent and share this and thank you for listening and thank you for giving me the knowledge in dealing with addiction and giving me the strength and courage I so much needed to get through this...one way or another, I will survive!

beautifulgirl

Tam, I am so sorry that you went this happened.
Don't allow what happened to make you live in fear of from happened or what will happen in the future. Take it day by day, hour by hour, or minute by minute and do what will make you feel good again now.
((Gentle Hug))

Chino

Hang in there lady! You're doing all the right things, you stood up for yourself, and you stood up for a mom and baby. That takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage

beautifulgirl

Hi Tam, My post looked like I could not write english and did not make any sense. I am sorry. That is what happens when I try to pay attention to the kids and type at the same time, lol.
Keep on going girl. You got this. There are always going to be bumps in the road and you just got over a big bump.
Chino is right. Your courage, strength, and the way you handled yourself the whole way through is admirable.

newnormal4me

Sounds like you did great. Better than I would have. You have come so far. Maybe after a few of these types of incidents he will realize you mean business.

What is wrong with the cops? Was your tenant upset and crying holding a baby while they said this crap? I would be livid.

tam

thank you everyone, Im okay..talked to tenants last night, they are okay too, I really really feel bad for them, I keep reassuring them it wont happen again, but there are no guarentees. like I said they have nothing to do with this. their poor kid thinks the cops are bad as it is due to another incident this past august with my ah and the young girl coming to the house with the police to get his car and my tenant was in the driveway with their older kid and the infant. thankfully the other day the older boy was at school.

I will get through this, one day at a time as long as I stay focused on myself and my recovery I think I will be okay.

MsPINKAcres

((tam))

I hate so much that you are dealing with this. Once again we find out that there are NOT enough laws to protect the spouses of alcoholics/addicts. Especially in potential domestic abuse cases (and verbal counts as abuse!!!!!! - took me a long time to realize that)

So glad you are contacting your attorney & that this is being documented - even if the police aren't completely cooperative with everything ~

Remember you are still doing awesome in your recovery because you are NOT giving in to his tactics, you are not living with him and you are not allowing yourself to be manipulated by him.

You are wiser, stronger and taking care of YOU! - sounds like recovery to me!!!

PINK HUGS to you!
Rita