MyBetterWorld

In a good way, maybe. Child support finally caught up with my XAH. Apparently, if a person receives any kind of public aid (daycare assistance, medical, etc) the state forces the issue. I got notice in the mail......so I am sure his will arrive soon if it hasn't already! I don't push this issue with him.......since I don't feel comfortable sending the kids to his place with this new girlfriend/enabler. Somehow, in my mind, if I pushed it he would push more visitation at his house, and since there is currently no custody in place (I just have them, plain and simple) I figured I wouldn't rock the boat for now. Guess the state is going to do it for me. Here's hoping my HP is working overtime for me in the coming weeks!
M

nodaybut2day

ah yes, I remember the "don't rock the boat" period. Heck, it was just four or five months ago for me. Then the government did what it does, and child support started to be deducted from his paycheck. He hadn't seen our child for 7 months by then, so I was nervous that he'd show up and make demands.

Turns out nothing much happened. He made more vague email threats, and then he did the predictable thing: he quit his job. And since then, he's faded away. He stupidly posted his new job/title on LinkedIn, but perhaps it's a flub...who knows.

Like you, I'm not pushing the issue. I assume he'll figure out how to evade the government for a few years, or maybe forever...until babymama #3 catches up to him, because I know for a fact that she's gunning for him, for a good 10K.

*hugs* to you. I know it's a stressful time. Try to remember HP is at the wheel and that you're in good hands.

HoopNinja

I agree noday-it is just one more headache to have to chase their behind around to get money. Quit his job--how sad and pathetic is that. Yep, let the government take care of it. It will save you legal fees, unwanted nasty conversations and headaches.

theuncertainty

I was just at that don't rock the boat stage, too. I filed for help getting CS from XAH through the state in October 2009, 8 months before I filed for divorce. Right after, and for quite a while after, and occassionally still, I thought "WTH did I do? Now, he's definitely going to remember he has a son!" Turns out that even if I hadn't, his GF did. He told me Landlord (GF) wants to know why DS doesn't visit, doesn't stay the night.

I wanted to tell him I'd drop the CS request if he'd just leave us alone. That's depite, the advice from friends and legal avocates and even knowing that CS is for DS. If it was just XAH, I'm fairly certain he would have happily accepted the offer. "It's MY money. I'm not giving any of it to you!"

But with GF in the picture and him playing the victim, he would never agree, because there goes his leverage on both GF and I. I can hear him, his same old lines: My vindictive XWife is keeping MY son from me. I'm such a good man, such a good dad. YOU know, you see how I am with your kids. I would NEVER do anything she says I did. She's such a cold b-tch. All I want is to see MY son.

With the recent EOB I got about a procedure he had done in August that shows he had medical coverage, I now know he was still with the job he was in back in October 2009. A few earlier timelines I'd come up with revise to:

• It took the state 10 months to catch up with XAH for CS the first time.
• When they did, he quit; the state got a whopping $100 from his final check from that employer.
• It hasn't been 6 jobs in a year. He's gone through 6 jobs in 7 months.

So, I guess, what I'm saying is trust your HP. Your XAH should be helping to support your children. Nothing you do will make him decide or keep him from deciding to inflict his presence on your children. What you can do is take steps to make sure they're as safe as they can be when that happens. And should your HP be able to alleviate your financial worries a little by making sure your XAH pays support, well then, take care of what bills you can until your XAH decides to cut and run.

Hang in there.

TakingCharge999

((((hugs)))))