NEOMARXIST

That is what the difference in how you can feel from one day/week/month to the next can be. When you're in a deep, bad spell in your head then it really does come down to going back to basics and just making sure you get through each day sober and doing what you've gotta do to enable this, whilst also moving forwards in your life/recovery. There is usually much insight to be gained from these times and it can be considered a learning experience in many ways. I am discovering more about my mind and my self as I progress in recovery and also realising that what I'm experiencing in my head/thoughts is perfectly reasonable for somebody like myself with how my life was affected by alcohol and my thinking up until I was 23.5 and got sober and into recovery.

The great thing about going through a mental and emotional rough patch is that you know you're going to be rewarded and grow in strength, clarity and awareness. This always proves the case for me and the feelings when the moments of clarity hit me are indescribably fantastic. They are what make recovery worth it for me and what makes the pleasure and happiness that I gain from recovery greater than any fleeting buzz of alcohol and drugs.

The good feelings in recovery can keep growing and growing and the sense of hope is truly priceless. The beauty of my recovery is that it means that I'm content in my own self and head and reallly don't want for much anymore, if you're happy in yourself and with your path then additional stuff is only going to enhance this, whilst at the same time you're going to be projecting the person who you are truly proud of and happy with.

All of this is possible for me because I stay sober and accept my alcoholism one day at a time. If I didn't have my sobriety then I really would be screwed. I made it so that I have no boltholes to run down (as good ole Dee used to say) and I'm so glad that I did this. I am grateful to be an alcoholic and for what this has enabled me to gain in regards to mental, emotional health as well as identity and future prospects. Everything I have in my life and all of my relationships are built upon myself as I am now, and I like it like that as I like the person who I am but didn't really like the person I was when I was still in the game of drinking and drugging. Sure it was totally different and gave different sorts of highs/entertainment in so many different ways but ultimately those highs/entertainment were always tarnished with shame and guilt. With my recovery then there is no negative crap that goes with it, which is why it is so precious to me.

I guess it's just essential to work through the rough times knowing that they will enable your recovery to progress and reveal more to you. It ain't easy sitting with the racing head and anxiety and the natural reaction is to want to just block it all out but that's the easy way out. Recovery ultimately involves difficult feelings, emotions (for me anyway) and they are often ones that I just blocked out so never felt for any length of time, or even at all.

I make sure that when I experience these fantastic moments in recovery then I 'bank' them and store them away to strenghten my recovery and to draw upon if needed in future difficult times.

Peace

bevin

A lot of emotions are coming up for me right now - and my bank is full of some pretty awful drinking memories. I like that word 'banking'. I'm going to start writing the good moments down just to get them firmly lodged in my brain.

Kjell

I don't always understand while it's going on, but after a "rough patch", I also feel stronger and more enlighten towards my alcoholism.

No pain, no gain. For me, there is no changing, no growing, no improving upon myself without being in some sort of pain, awkwardness, or discomfort. It's simply my resistance to it that hurts, but seems to be necessary.

Totally agree. All my "fun" with alcohol and/or drugs, always, even at the tiniest of levels, always had some negative effect on me or someone else.

Great post!

Kjell~

PS - first time trying to quote more than one section, so I hope it works.