Absolutely gutted.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: nsw sydney
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Absolutely gutted.
So last night I left our family home for the night (first time i have spent a night away) as AH was becomming increasingly aggressive.
When i arrived back home this morning i rang him and said we needed to discuss our future. I Expressed to him that i didnt want to get a divorce. He agreed.
I have just arrived home from work ... he is not home (unusual) his phone is switched off (unusual) as i started to worry i logged onto his bank account in an effort to see if i could find out where he might be....
His last purchase was made at an ESCORT AGENCY!!! $66 WTF!!!!!
SO HURT, SO CONFUSED, SHAKING, ANGRY, DONT KNOW WHERE TO TURN OR WHAT TO DO....PLEASE HELP!!:rotfxko
When i arrived back home this morning i rang him and said we needed to discuss our future. I Expressed to him that i didnt want to get a divorce. He agreed.
I have just arrived home from work ... he is not home (unusual) his phone is switched off (unusual) as i started to worry i logged onto his bank account in an effort to see if i could find out where he might be....
His last purchase was made at an ESCORT AGENCY!!! $66 WTF!!!!!
SO HURT, SO CONFUSED, SHAKING, ANGRY, DONT KNOW WHERE TO TURN OR WHAT TO DO....PLEASE HELP!!:rotfxko
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 551
Oh My you must be very upset. My advice it comes from my instincts is if you are angry upset and he has been getting aggressive I would not bring this up with him right away, I would get away and stay somewhere until you can regain yourself. Please be careful as in my experience when they are caught and cornered it can turn bad quickly. Take care and breath.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Hey want2. 
OK.. I assume you definately know this payment is for an escort and there can be no confusion. If that's the case you know he is paying for sex with a prostitute (although $66 seems like an odd amount if you ask me.. but tbh, I don't know anything about the varying degrees of escort rates).
Is this a deal-breaker for you? Has this crossed a boundary? If so, then how do you want to enforce it? Think about what infidelity means to you (whether it is done drunk, sober, whatever).
I've never been in this situation, but I know it would tear me apart making this kind of discovery... and I feel a little helpless as I want to give you a huge hug and tell you this is no reflection on you and that it will be ok.
I have no hard and fast recommendations except for one... pick up the phone to your local genito-urinary clinic.. and get tested for everything. This might be the first time he has done something like this.. but you need to find out if you're ok physically.
Tx
(Sorry, this is a bit quick... about to head out to work)
OK.. I assume you definately know this payment is for an escort and there can be no confusion. If that's the case you know he is paying for sex with a prostitute (although $66 seems like an odd amount if you ask me.. but tbh, I don't know anything about the varying degrees of escort rates).
Is this a deal-breaker for you? Has this crossed a boundary? If so, then how do you want to enforce it? Think about what infidelity means to you (whether it is done drunk, sober, whatever).
I've never been in this situation, but I know it would tear me apart making this kind of discovery... and I feel a little helpless as I want to give you a huge hug and tell you this is no reflection on you and that it will be ok.
I have no hard and fast recommendations except for one... pick up the phone to your local genito-urinary clinic.. and get tested for everything. This might be the first time he has done something like this.. but you need to find out if you're ok physically.
Tx
(Sorry, this is a bit quick... about to head out to work)
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: nsw sydney
Posts: 55
Ring,
Thank you for your advice. I agree 100%. I have come to the conclusion that power is knowledge....I will not say a word. I will however work out a plan to get through this and get back on my feet.
My confusion is...he is the one who has the drinking problem, i have supported him financially, morrally, cleaned up spew night after night day after day, lied for him, mothered him, etc etc. shouldnt it be HIM begging to make this work at the first sign of my disinterest???
In a way, this makes my decision final....I will leave him now. I feel so sick thinking about him with another woman...urrrgggg good luck to the next girl is all i can say, she is going to need it!!!!
Thank you for your advice. I agree 100%. I have come to the conclusion that power is knowledge....I will not say a word. I will however work out a plan to get through this and get back on my feet.
My confusion is...he is the one who has the drinking problem, i have supported him financially, morrally, cleaned up spew night after night day after day, lied for him, mothered him, etc etc. shouldnt it be HIM begging to make this work at the first sign of my disinterest???
In a way, this makes my decision final....I will leave him now. I feel so sick thinking about him with another woman...urrrgggg good luck to the next girl is all i can say, she is going to need it!!!!
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tallulah, i googled the exact biller name that was on the bank statement and about 5 different escort companies came up .... nothing else came up for that search. when i called this number and asked. "what would $66 cover?" the course voiced woman hang up on me.
He is still not home, this is very unlike him. in our 5 years together he has never gone a day without calling or letting me know he will be home late. you know how they say, A WOMAN JUST KNOWS... well, its true. i have a gut instinct....
thanks for the advice. i appreciate more than you know. I feel so alone right now, sitting her in the dark...and just knowing that i have support on here fills my heart. i feel loved.
thank you all.
He is still not home, this is very unlike him. in our 5 years together he has never gone a day without calling or letting me know he will be home late. you know how they say, A WOMAN JUST KNOWS... well, its true. i have a gut instinct....
thanks for the advice. i appreciate more than you know. I feel so alone right now, sitting her in the dark...and just knowing that i have support on here fills my heart. i feel loved.
thank you all.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 551
my heart is beating for you fast as I know your adreneline is surely running high. Trust in what you said, this could become worse or you can hold your head high, hurt though and get your balance. If you feel you may be tempted to say something please remove yourself so you are safe. I was not sure if I would say the right thing. I am happy it helped.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
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I know that sickening feeling and I am sooooooo sorry 
It's horrible. Please always keep in mind that this is about him, and not about you being 'unworthy'.
It reminds me of a good friend who had a similar experience. It prompted her to go back and pull together all his ATM withdrawals, look at his Visa bills, and do what she could to investigate the numbers he called on his cell phone. That investigation revealed an entire "other life" of debt, drugs, strippers, "massages", and girlfriends. It was so hard to watch as she came to terms with the fact that her husband was far, far sicker than she realized. She initiated divorce proceedings and never looked back. I'm not saying that this is the case with you, but it IS a possibility...that this is not an isolated incident.
Just get the hell out of there...and get tested.
((((((Hugs)))))))) I am so so sorry.
It's horrible. Please always keep in mind that this is about him, and not about you being 'unworthy'. It reminds me of a good friend who had a similar experience. It prompted her to go back and pull together all his ATM withdrawals, look at his Visa bills, and do what she could to investigate the numbers he called on his cell phone. That investigation revealed an entire "other life" of debt, drugs, strippers, "massages", and girlfriends. It was so hard to watch as she came to terms with the fact that her husband was far, far sicker than she realized. She initiated divorce proceedings and never looked back. I'm not saying that this is the case with you, but it IS a possibility...that this is not an isolated incident.
Just get the hell out of there...and get tested.
((((((Hugs)))))))) I am so so sorry.
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Tjp. I could not agree with yOu more. He is finally home and has been sarcastically been joking about going to a brothel. The loser doesn't know that I know. I am in bed in the spare room. I have an overnight bag packed in the car. I have a tv unit against my door as well as a lock. I just need a bit more money and I will be free. Thank you for your support. Xx
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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I am so so sorry for your shocking discovery. It seems that there are many of us who know this feeling of "oh my god!!!!" upon checking bank accounts etc...
It sounds like you are taking steps to keep yourself safe.
Hang in there...
It sounds like you are taking steps to keep yourself safe.
Hang in there...
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
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Originally Posted by want2help 
Tjp. I could not agree with yOu more. He is finally home and has been sarcastically been joking about going to a brothel. The loser doesn't know that I know.
Now....if you haven't already, start documenting everything. Money spent on 'other women' is payable to you in a divorce settlement...at least that's the way it is here in Texas.
Again, I am so sorry
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by want2help
tallulah, i googled the exact biller name that was on the bank statement and about 5 different escort companies came up .... nothing else came up for that search. when i called this number and asked. "what would $66 cover?" the course voiced woman hang up on me.
He is still not home, this is very unlike him. in our 5 years together he has never gone a day without calling or letting me know he will be home late. you know how they say, A WOMAN JUST KNOWS... well, its true. i have a gut instinct....
thanks for the advice. i appreciate more than you know. I feel so alone right now, sitting her in the dark...and just knowing that i have support on here fills my heart. i feel loved.
thank you all.
He is still not home, this is very unlike him. in our 5 years together he has never gone a day without calling or letting me know he will be home late. you know how they say, A WOMAN JUST KNOWS... well, its true. i have a gut instinct....
thanks for the advice. i appreciate more than you know. I feel so alone right now, sitting her in the dark...and just knowing that i have support on here fills my heart. i feel loved.
thank you all.
You're not alone.. you got us, your family etc. .. you are loved and cared about.
My philosophy in this is 'speak softly and carry a big stick'. You know.. he doesn't know you know for sure. His joking seems a bit like a test.. if you go off at him then he can confiirm that you have found out, if you don't well 'it was all a joke' and he can carry on like nothing has happened. Keep speaking softly until you can get out of there and that big old stick of his infidelity can be used later when you need it to initiate divorce (if that's your ultimate goal). Plus, if he has been and is aggressive, best to hold your cards close to your chest and ensure your safe retreat.
You are in my thoughts...
Tx
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
Something similar happened to me. I found AH had been secretly filming me (getting dressed). I also was told by a friend that he was on Match.com saying he was divorced when we weren't. I think it is a good thing (God working) to help me/ you see the "real" situation. I know you are in shock and your trust is blown. I think HP is moving you to do what you need to do. I remember wondering who the heck is this person I am married to? I was stunned....hurt....angry......scared. I secretly put together a plan to get out. I could not be with someone so spiritually/ morally bankrupt. In hindsight it actually did me a favor to see what it was not what I wanted it to be. My XAH got real nasty though.....wiped out my $ in a combined account - so be careful.
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