LaTeeDa

I'm sorry your thread got deleted. Most of us here understand the feelings of frustration and pain you are feeling. I'm also sorry there is not enough money available for you to do what you feel you need to do.

Here is a link to some very effective strategies for helping an alcoholic. I hope you will consider them and even share them with your friend's family if you think they are helpful.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

I do understand your pain.

L

Panther

Thanks LaTeeDa. I plan on writing a letter to my friend's mother and I will include your link.

It is not an easy situation, but then, it never is. But I think that as long as you do your part, that is all that can be expected from you. I think the question is, what is my part? I often ask myself this when confronted with any situation.

LaTeeDa

That is the big question, isn't it?

What I've come to believe, rather late in life by most standards, is that I need to be the best I can be. Helping others is a most noble aspiration, but if it diminishes me to the point that my life or purpose on this planet is suffering, then I need to re-evaluate my priorities. One can only do the best they can do with the life they have been given.

It is a tough pill to swallow that I cannot change another human being, much less the world as we know it. But, I can make my mark, by making the best of my own life. And, hopefully, others will benefit from that.

L

Panther

"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love." Mother Theresa

My first year of teaching, I taught inner city kids who had had a revolving door of substitute teachers. It was a 5 month assignment. There were times where I hated going to work, I slept all weekend from exhaustian, and I felt that I wasn't going to make it through the week. I could have quit. I was not under contract. But I did it out of sheer stubbornness and because I had given my word to stay. I am eternally grateful for that experience. It truly changed who I am and my view of everything in my life. Was it painful? Yes. But without that, I wouldn't know what I know now.

Pain transforms a person. And I have always maintained that pain and love go together. Carl Jung who gave the foundation for AA ironically writes a lot about this. There is a book titled Psychology and Alchemy where he talks in depth about transformation. Maybe it is because we have become separate individuals and reuniting with eachother is at its roots a painful process. I don't understand it fully.

LaTeeDa

I agree with that. In fact, I'm probably one of the few on this forum who will say that I am grateful for the experience I had being married to an alcoholic for 20 years. Because it made me who I am today.

But, there is also a hidden danger in that same message. This I experienced in my childhood growing up with an alcoholic father and a codependent mother. The message was--suffering pays off. If you suffer enough, you will be rewarded for it. This is not true. While suffering can bring rewards in terms of experience, it should not be endured simply for the possible future wisdom. Suffering by choice makes one a martyr, and that is not really a good place to be.

L

Panther

I agree. I think there is a big difference and you must understand it. Although I am trying to help my friend I don't ever try to contact him or see him because of how unpredictable he can be. While helping, you must at the same time, protect yourself. There is no point in being foolish.

I have learned to trust my intuition.

Edit: I work around kids that most people would consider dangerous. At times, they can be. But I have to say that I never personally felt in danger. I trust my instincts. If a situation feels off, I remove myself or I'm on my guard. This goes with work as with anything else. I would never advocate someone putting themselves in a situation where they feel threatened or at risk.