TSsober4life

I'm new to the program, been sober for 29 days. Any way I was dating a girl for 3 years and my drinking problem caused the relationship to end. We split up jan 7th and I don't blame her for doing so. I was able to stay sober for 14 days on my own with no aa education, just a strong belief in a higher power. With night sweats, shakes, and a horrible mindframe to try and control the drinking I failed. Was own a binder for a couple of weeks and finally woke up feb 7th and went to rehab. While the break up I tried to reconcile with my gf but she just said "I just want to be single right now, will we ever get back together again, I don't know?" Totally understand that after all the embarassments I put her through when we were out with friends. While I was in treatment I called her to see if she would write a letter that one of the consulers asked me to get to describe how I acted when drunk,and she seemed more then willing and was very happy to know I was getting the help I needed. I know I'm supposed to focus only on my recovery right now but I can't help but think about her. Do I bother trying to ask her out for coffee or is it too soon or should I just do my best to move on even though I truely did love her. Damn alcohol messed everything up and we were talking aout being together for life while together. Please someone give me some peace of mind obviously it is bugging the heck out of me.

Azreal

It probably sounds cliche, but I do believe you need to love yourself before you can love someone else and give all yourself to them. I think you probably need to work on you before you can offer yourself to someone completely. Not the answer you're looking for I'm sure, but probably the best bet. Doesn't mean you can't maintain a friendship in the meantime. I guess the only danger is if another guy comes into her life and you end up knowing about it. THAT could drive you really nuts and be a trigger. Tough spot!

jamdls

TS, welcome to SR and congrats on 29 days sober! I agree with Azreal you need to love yourself which will involve a lot of healing before you can be there for another. I'm a firm believer in working on your sobriety for at least a year before entering into a relationship, and I personally wouldn't even consider dating someone or going back to a former love until they had at least a year of recovery. Your ex likely has a lot of healing to do for herself too and forgiving and you should accept that she may not be ever get there. Take care of you, work on you.

TSsober4life

I guess that's the alcoholic mentality still in effect. I keep asking people the same question hoping for. A different response, the insanity is still there. It isn't what I want to hear but it is what I need to be reminded! Thanks for your input!

LexieCat

LOL,

Yup, that's it. In the legal field, we call it "forum shopping"--you don't get the answer you like one place, you ask someone else. Believe me, I get it!

Anyway, I agree with what the others said (big surprise, huh?).

You never know what the future will bring, if you keep doing the next right thing. Even if you never reconcile with this woman, you will have her respect. More important, you will be a person WORTHY of respect, and you will be in a position to have something really wonderful to offer in your next relationship (which should be in, um, a year or so, give or take).