Oncorhynchus

Hi folks, I have a question that I have been thinking about for quite awhile since hitting meetings, working with others, relapsing, etc.
Why is there such an emphasis in counting sober days? On my last relapse, I literally "celebrated" my sobriety chip/tag by picking up. Very dumb in retrospect!

Anyway, I have noticed that I continue to hear "how many days do you have?" to the extent that it's literally a status symbol in both fellowships (AA/NA).
As I'm a newcomer to the adventure of recovery using the 12-steps This is very discouraging to me. I can see how many would like to celebrate their sobriety, but I've also seen (and experienced) a type of hyper-depression when someone needs to "re-set" their sober date. The chips are really nice when you get them, to show new-comers like myself that this thing really works, but I have also experienced the udder ego-deflation of returning a chip/tag, stand up in front of the group, and and get a "restart" chip, tail tucked firmly between the legs.
I have heard that back in the beginnings of AA, they used to hand out poker chips. This is cool, but my main question is, why do so many people want to inquire about a "sobriety date" (even this website-which I LOVE) as if its a "symbol of standing" - (In my mind anyway)... Is this a race? Cant we all just agree that we are in recovery? I was told that I will "always be in recovery" - which was hard enough to accept----

Your input is greatly appreciated!!

suki44883

Not everyone puts emphasis on it, but it does tend to help some people mark their progress. I couldn't tell you how many sober days I have, but I know the last day I drank because it was my birthday.

Does it really matter? I mean, if it is helpful to some, then so be it.

yeahgr8

Some people consider their sobriety date as a new birthday...my sponsor celebrated his 25th AA birthday on Thursday and i got him a cake, made a fuss etc...

If people want to celebrate in this fashion and receive medals in the rooms then it is all good with me...i'm not interested but that doesn't mean that i am right or wrong it's just a personal preference...

The reason why people ask about length of sobriety is because a lot of us have managed to muster up months, even years of abstinance during our active addiction...when i walked into AA sobriety time was very important to me as the last person i wanted helping me was someone like me who had been sober a couple of years on a dry spell...but more important was that the person that was to be helping me had to have worked the actual program of AA and not just sober through meetings because i knew that would not work for me...

Now again there are people in AA who manage to remain sober by attending meetings alone and don't work the program as such, and i know people in the rooms that have never worked the program on paper and are sober through attending meetings who have a better sobriety than some of the people who have supposedly worked the program...

Anyways long story short everyone has a right to do what they feel is right for them and who am i to judge?

bevin

I actually didn't know they gave out restart chips...

Ghostly

For some people it helps to keep track of days / milestones. Obviously it marks certain lengths of sober time to celebrate. I don't count the days now, but I am usually aware of the month marks. However, sometimes a friend will send a congratulations and I will not of been aware I had reached another month.

I am not in AA. Can you refuse the chips? Can you let others celebrate milestones and not celebrate your own?

This is actually a fairly common topic / debate. I can see how it would be difficult to accept "one day at a time" and still celebrate milestones like this. At the the time, and I'm only saying this because you asked for input, if someone recognizing you have a certain amount of sober time makes you want to drink then there are other issues going on. It is like looking for an excuse. IMHO. Good luck.

NewStart11

For me counting the days seems to help so I can feel good - like well today is this day etc and feel proud that I've got to that date. However, if I relapse I certainly wont like to have to start all over again so I can see your point

Stevie1

I didn't know about "restart chips" either. I've been going to AA meetings for about 6 weeks but have yet to have anyone ask how many days sober I have, or for that matter say how many they have except occasionally in shares.

Honestly, I'd have to look at a calendar to figure out what day I am on. Jan 24 I think, so however many days that is.

Maybe Texas is different.

LosingmyMisery

I think of it as a deterrent. I've been there with my tail between my legs. It was horrible and I don't ever want to do it again, but will if need be. However, my plan is to never drink again. I remember in early sobriety reading the stories of recovery. You had to be sober 1 year to post in that recovery forum. It seemed like a life time to me, unachievable, but I was going to make it my goal to be sober one year and post my story. Sobriety is a goal and with each sober day, life seems to fall into place. Drunk, it falls apart.

EmeraldRose

Yeah, I think they work on Tulsa Time! LOL

Personally speaking, I never even heard of these chips until yesterday! I've been to 2 AA meetings but never saw 'a chip'. A chip to me sets in my barnyard.
When my rehab is complete we get a medallion but I see no chips flying around there either.
I count days only because this is a new path. The old pathes were obviously failures since I'd always go back to drinking. This path is a new fresh path, a new chance, a new breath, a new life, a new reason to keep sober. I am counting days just just because they count to me. Each day is a new start in the right direction and I want to honor it.

FrothyJay

I've discovered that when people ask me "how much time I have" they are trying to gauge the quality of my sobriety. Or whether anything I say has any merit.

My first experience in AA was all about the line between sobriety and relapse. How much time do you have? Did you hear Joe went out again? Get your 90 days! Etc. Repeated relapsers were often ostracized, or talked about in hush tones.

My second experience in AA-- focused on the solution and the 12 steps-- is different. No one in my home group asks how much time I have, and there are no celebrations. "Get your own coin," is what my sponsor kiddingly said to me when I got a year.

I've been in a business meeting where a woman felt that her 13 years made her opinion more qualified than someone with 11. Seriously.

There is nothing in AA that says you must mark time, celebrate, or announce your relapses to the group.

wander2

I'm a newbie to recovery and It helps me feel like I am accomplishing something every day. Event if that something is just a number. I know I have a life time to go but that is hard to focus on, reaching another day is a much more acheivable goal. And something I can feel good about.

suki44883

I believe that whatever helps keep a person sober is the right thing for them. It's really no one else's business and no one else's place to judge.

artsoul

I went back to drinking twice after years of sobriety, and obviously it didn't feel good to get another 24 hour chip........ but once I got over my feeling of shame and began to get back into recovery, I realized how glad I was that at least I made the decision again to stop drinking.

I'm proud of the time I have but not because it's more or less than anyone else's. It just makes me feel grateful and motivates me to continue........

Maybe because I've relapsed twice, I'm proud when people have any length of sobriety, but especially proud of those who are just starting out or coming back.

wpainterw

Well, with me it's been sort of like an investment which grows in value year by year. Say you decided to buy some A--le stock and went in at 49 a few years ago. For the past three years you've watched A--le increase in value, from 49 to 100, then to 200 and now to 350. You've got a lot of capital gain in that. You would rather not sell out and pay a tax on all that gain. And in a way you're a little proud of how you made out so far. So, when you're in recovery, and the years go by, the more time passes, the greater your reluctance to spoil your record. You like your 5 year chip, your 10 year one, your 15 year one. You'd hate to go back and do it all over again. The longer you do this the greater your investment, the greater your reluctance to sell out, go back to ground zero. And, like A--le investors, you get a little boost when someone asks you how you made out.

W.