Tonite I said No...
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Tonite I said No...
to the glass of red wine placed before me at dinner. And tho I am aware that this is certainly no monumental achievement in the grand scheme of things, it felt damn good to exit two and a half hours later, sober, sharp, and having honored my intentions.
I realize it's not wise to needlessly entertain situations which include temptation so early in my sobriety (especially given my recent track record), but there are those that are unavoidable for me, like tonite's business dinner. It's been a wretched week in terms of stress, deadlines and late hours at the office, and aside from destroying myself with work, I've had little opportunity over the past five days to do anything other than punish myself in the gym (my misguided strategy to achieve balance). So when I rolled up to the table tonite, I was fried, running on steam, and feeling a bit explosive... Prime condition for a bender. And I wanted badly to bend. To just have a few and be normal and tipsy and charming. Or to sneak in just the one sitting in front of me, taunting and ready. I was all but sold.
But suddenly I remembered this - I also want badly to take myself seriously. To not succeed in talking myself out of sobriety every single time I run up against a bottle and an imperfect moment. To give myself at least a fighting chance. And then I also realized how obscenely, chillingly dangerous it was to be entertaining the notion of a "couple" of drinks while out on a Friday night with major clients, as the propensity for a "couple" of drinks to quickly devolve into absolute, blinding chaos with me has been well demonstrated. So I stuck it out. Stopped reaching for the glass stem absent mindedly. Focused, took some deep breaths and ordered a tea. Took charge. And had an incredibly productive evening.
Apologies for the rambling. Just feeling grateful and relieved for this minor victory. And truly unnerved by how close I came to failing.
I realize it's not wise to needlessly entertain situations which include temptation so early in my sobriety (especially given my recent track record), but there are those that are unavoidable for me, like tonite's business dinner. It's been a wretched week in terms of stress, deadlines and late hours at the office, and aside from destroying myself with work, I've had little opportunity over the past five days to do anything other than punish myself in the gym (my misguided strategy to achieve balance). So when I rolled up to the table tonite, I was fried, running on steam, and feeling a bit explosive... Prime condition for a bender. And I wanted badly to bend. To just have a few and be normal and tipsy and charming. Or to sneak in just the one sitting in front of me, taunting and ready. I was all but sold.
But suddenly I remembered this - I also want badly to take myself seriously. To not succeed in talking myself out of sobriety every single time I run up against a bottle and an imperfect moment. To give myself at least a fighting chance. And then I also realized how obscenely, chillingly dangerous it was to be entertaining the notion of a "couple" of drinks while out on a Friday night with major clients, as the propensity for a "couple" of drinks to quickly devolve into absolute, blinding chaos with me has been well demonstrated. So I stuck it out. Stopped reaching for the glass stem absent mindedly. Focused, took some deep breaths and ordered a tea. Took charge. And had an incredibly productive evening.
Apologies for the rambling. Just feeling grateful and relieved for this minor victory. And truly unnerved by how close I came to failing.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: England
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WooHoo for you NC. Sorry to disagree, but I think your choices tonight were significant and monemental in the grand scheme of things at your business dinner. In fact I find it awesome....
May not be as classy as you are able to write (and I do admire your writing style very much)...
HEY, WAY TO GO!!!
With that, it's time to try and haul myself to bed and get some sleep, cuz I'm still emotionally exhausted from my other day. Good night.
May not be as classy as you are able to write (and I do admire your writing style very much)...
HEY, WAY TO GO!!!
With that, it's time to try and haul myself to bed and get some sleep, cuz I'm still emotionally exhausted from my other day. Good night.
Noble, Great post. The tone of it made me think of someone standing up to there boss and saying NO, I will not work late again tonight, it's my little girl's birthday and I wont disappoint her again. You have your priorities strait and you did the right thing !!
Ron
Ron
Nice going!
For future reference, it is widely accepted to turn one's wine glass upside down if you don't care for any wine. The waiter generally removes the upside down glass when serving, and will then bring you ice water or whatever (I usually order unsweetened iced tea).
For future reference, it is widely accepted to turn one's wine glass upside down if you don't care for any wine. The waiter generally removes the upside down glass when serving, and will then bring you ice water or whatever (I usually order unsweetened iced tea).
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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I'm with you on the tea - these days I guzzle the stuff like it's going out of style, tho I'm most partial to the green and hot varieties.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Starting to think hard about my work habits/patterns... I'm certainly Type A and certainly a bit of a workaholic, and I can't say that those characteristics haven't helped me keep my career intact even while everything else in my life exploded in dramatic fashion. But I have begun to wonder if the way that I work might instigate or encourage some of the craving and unhelpful mindsets I keep confronting. Might be time to reevaluate some things.
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Actually, what I am coming to believe more and more is that my biggest, baddest enemy is my alcoholic self. The drink just happens to be my weapon of choice...
Nothing in that glass last night but ethanol, sulfites, water and sugar. It's my insane, alchemist, addict brain that somehow makes it seem like liquid gold.
Nothing in that glass last night but ethanol, sulfites, water and sugar. It's my insane, alchemist, addict brain that somehow makes it seem like liquid gold.
Way to go NC! I remember getting through my first mandatory social event just about 2 weeks after I first got sober. At one point a friend tried to hand me a glass of wine and it was just a foot or two from my face. The look, the smell........ it was a surreal moment, but I got through it.
The best part of the whole evening was driving home feeling totally clear-headed and grateful. I was driving along, feel great...... then had to stop at an intersection and voila - a cop pulls up right beside me in the next lane. I don't know whether it was divine validation or just coincidence, but a feeling of freedom came over me. All those years of not be able to go places or look people in the eye, or talk to them, for fear they'd noticed I'd been drinking.......
So thanks for sharing your story - You did the best thing possible - you followed your thought to the inevitable consequences of taking that first drink. Next time it will be that much easier!
The best part of the whole evening was driving home feeling totally clear-headed and grateful. I was driving along, feel great...... then had to stop at an intersection and voila - a cop pulls up right beside me in the next lane. I don't know whether it was divine validation or just coincidence, but a feeling of freedom came over me. All those years of not be able to go places or look people in the eye, or talk to them, for fear they'd noticed I'd been drinking.......
So thanks for sharing your story - You did the best thing possible - you followed your thought to the inevitable consequences of taking that first drink. Next time it will be that much easier!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
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A new U.S. President came into D.C. bringing along his staff.
I worked in the nearest cocktail lounge to the White House.
Mr. X..about to become internationally well known
pulled the owner/manager aside....
"I.m known as a Martini on the rocks guy
no matter who orders me what...please bring me water with an olive
charge them for a martini. I no longer drink"
We did...he stayed sharp as others got bent...
Good to know it worked out for you
I worked in the nearest cocktail lounge to the White House.
Mr. X..about to become internationally well known
pulled the owner/manager aside....
"I.m known as a Martini on the rocks guy
no matter who orders me what...please bring me water with an olive
charge them for a martini. I no longer drink"
We did...he stayed sharp as others got bent...
Good to know it worked out for you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 426
A new U.S. President came into D.C. bringing along his staff.
I worked in the nearest cocktail lounge to the White House.
Mr. X..about to become internationally well known
pulled the owner/manager aside....
"I.m known as a Martini on the rocks guy
no matter who orders me what...please bring me water with an olive
charge them for a martini. I no longer drink"
We did...he stayed sharp as others got bent...
I worked in the nearest cocktail lounge to the White House.
Mr. X..about to become internationally well known
pulled the owner/manager aside....
"I.m known as a Martini on the rocks guy
no matter who orders me what...please bring me water with an olive
charge them for a martini. I no longer drink"
We did...he stayed sharp as others got bent...
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