Dear Daughter:
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Dear Daughter:
Dear Daughter: I have never stopped loving you from the day you were born. You will always be my sweet angel of life. I only wanted the best for you in life. I miss you everyday and every minute of my life. When I see other moms & daughters happy, sharing special moments, oh my god, how I wish that was you & me. I wish I could hold you and kiss you. I wish I could take back the years of drama & cauos in the family.
I know I was not the alcoholic in the family, it was your step dad. I know we both loved you very much and gave you the best of life that we knew how. I know that I was emotional at times, trying to be protect you from the world and stepdad when he drank and his complusive disorders. I thought we had the perfect family and I broke my back trying to make it the perfect family.
In the past 2 years since you have been out of my life. I have learned what alcoholism is, instead of thinking it was just a few too many cocktails. I wish I could have change the situation, I wish I had all of the answers, I wish you would of told me how you felt, I wish I could understand the anger that you hold against me, I wish I knew why you hate me, I wish I would have known what I know now.
I have alot of wishes that may never be fulfilled in my life time.
But I want you to know, all of the things that I have done for you, I have done for love.
I never did one thing to intentionally hurt you, I did it with love, but I didnt know it was killing you, until now...At the time I thought it was love & being the perfect mom.
I am here to get me better, and hopefully someday when your a mother, you will understand...A mothers love is like God's love..All I wanted was the best for you in life.
And I feel like I damaged you and let you down. I did not rescue you.......Rescue You? This is the part, I dont quit understand yet???????
I thought I gave you the world, the best of the best...If I only had all of the answers.
The sad part is, I never realized that for 20 years later. And Im so sorry...My heart & soul is not complete without you in my life. Giving birth to a child is only part of the job, raising & making sure your child feels love & secure is another part, having your child love you back is the trickey part.
Do I feel like I failed? Yes. There is not a day that passes, that I dont grieve the loss of you in my life.
In my eyes & heart, it is not normal for a mom to lose one of her children and not grieve. If you only knew the pain, that I try to stand up to everyday. There are many days, I lay in bed in a fetal position and cry for days. It seems so unfair, not really understanding why your not here...
Even though were apart, I can still see your face, smell your hair, hear your giggle.Omg..How I miss you!
I hope that you remember, I taught you to be a survivor, but I also taught you not to hate. I hope that you find happiness and hopefully you will find the person who loves you more than life itself....Love Mom
P.S - Just realized 3/4/11 - I am a mom with a RAH, who basically smoothered my daughter to death. I never realized how much emotions & drama ran thru our home until now, as I am the only one living here in this big old house ALONE....
I dont quit understand the ANGER/ HATE/ WISHING I WAS DEAD attitude that my daughter applies between her and I.
All I can say, is I'm here to learn & hopefully God will heal my heart & hers!
(( MUCH LOVE TO ALL OF YOU DAUGHTERS OUT THERE, WHO FEEL ANGER TOWARDS YOUR MOMS ))....Moms like me...NEVER EVER did this intentionally to hurt you...We were just DUMB about the diesase of alcohol...
Love Always & Forever, MOM
I know I was not the alcoholic in the family, it was your step dad. I know we both loved you very much and gave you the best of life that we knew how. I know that I was emotional at times, trying to be protect you from the world and stepdad when he drank and his complusive disorders. I thought we had the perfect family and I broke my back trying to make it the perfect family.
In the past 2 years since you have been out of my life. I have learned what alcoholism is, instead of thinking it was just a few too many cocktails. I wish I could have change the situation, I wish I had all of the answers, I wish you would of told me how you felt, I wish I could understand the anger that you hold against me, I wish I knew why you hate me, I wish I would have known what I know now.
I have alot of wishes that may never be fulfilled in my life time.
But I want you to know, all of the things that I have done for you, I have done for love.
I never did one thing to intentionally hurt you, I did it with love, but I didnt know it was killing you, until now...At the time I thought it was love & being the perfect mom.
I am here to get me better, and hopefully someday when your a mother, you will understand...A mothers love is like God's love..All I wanted was the best for you in life.
And I feel like I damaged you and let you down. I did not rescue you.......Rescue You? This is the part, I dont quit understand yet???????
I thought I gave you the world, the best of the best...If I only had all of the answers.
The sad part is, I never realized that for 20 years later. And Im so sorry...My heart & soul is not complete without you in my life. Giving birth to a child is only part of the job, raising & making sure your child feels love & secure is another part, having your child love you back is the trickey part.
Do I feel like I failed? Yes. There is not a day that passes, that I dont grieve the loss of you in my life.
In my eyes & heart, it is not normal for a mom to lose one of her children and not grieve. If you only knew the pain, that I try to stand up to everyday. There are many days, I lay in bed in a fetal position and cry for days. It seems so unfair, not really understanding why your not here...
Even though were apart, I can still see your face, smell your hair, hear your giggle.Omg..How I miss you!
I hope that you remember, I taught you to be a survivor, but I also taught you not to hate. I hope that you find happiness and hopefully you will find the person who loves you more than life itself....Love Mom
P.S - Just realized 3/4/11 - I am a mom with a RAH, who basically smoothered my daughter to death. I never realized how much emotions & drama ran thru our home until now, as I am the only one living here in this big old house ALONE....
I dont quit understand the ANGER/ HATE/ WISHING I WAS DEAD attitude that my daughter applies between her and I.
All I can say, is I'm here to learn & hopefully God will heal my heart & hers!
(( MUCH LOVE TO ALL OF YOU DAUGHTERS OUT THERE, WHO FEEL ANGER TOWARDS YOUR MOMS ))....Moms like me...NEVER EVER did this intentionally to hurt you...We were just DUMB about the diesase of alcohol...
Love Always & Forever, MOM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
It is so clear that this post is straight from the heart. We Moms must stick together and pray for not only our serenity, but their sanity back into the world of the living.
Prayers and huggs going your way
Prayers and huggs going your way
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Wow. This brought tears to my eyes. If only I felt like my mother felt this way about me. If only I felt that she had any remorse for the lost relationship. She doesn't. And as a mother myself, one who strives for perfection, one who goes the extra mile to make sure my kids feel my love for them every day, I will never understand.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
I have faith in God, that he will open the door..When he thinks Im ready!
#1 - LOVE YOURSELF
#2 - Keep on loving, hugging and kissing those kids.
#3 - It's not always the quanity of time that you spend with them..
It's the quality of time!
#1 - LOVE YOURSELF
#2 - Keep on loving, hugging and kissing those kids.
#3 - It's not always the quanity of time that you spend with them..
It's the quality of time!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by julez 
Wow. This brought tears to my eyes. If only I felt like my mother felt this way about me. If only I felt that she had any remorse for the lost relationship. She doesn't. And as a mother myself, one who strives for perfection, one who goes the extra mile to make sure my kids feel my love for them every day, I will never understand.
It was as I became a mother and my children grew older that I realized I would never do and say to my children the things she has said and done to me. I don't believe she loves me at all. She doesn't appear to have even noticed that she and I haven't spoken in 3 or 4 years, and continues to say ridiculous, untrue, and slanderous things about me to other people.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
I have prayed and prayed about sending this letter to my daughter.
I prayed that GOD would NOT open the door until he knows I am ready....
Today, the letter was sent..I Let Go and Let God...
(For the first time in 2 years with her)
I could not have done this and found so much peace
and understanding without alot of you on here, sharing your stories.
You have helped me, open up my eyes and see
that I was not the perfect mom.
I acted more like the wife of an alcoholic, rather than a mom.
My "THANKS" to all of you is from the bottom of my heart.
I have alot more to work on, thats for sure!!
I did correct the last part of the letter, at the end:
I will always be here for you with open arms..."When you are ready"
(Keep On Loving)
I prayed that GOD would NOT open the door until he knows I am ready....
Today, the letter was sent..I Let Go and Let God...
(For the first time in 2 years with her)
I could not have done this and found so much peace
and understanding without alot of you on here, sharing your stories.
You have helped me, open up my eyes and see
that I was not the perfect mom.
I acted more like the wife of an alcoholic, rather than a mom.
My "THANKS" to all of you is from the bottom of my heart.
I have alot more to work on, thats for sure!!
I did correct the last part of the letter, at the end:
I will always be here for you with open arms..."When you are ready"
(Keep On Loving)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 10
Coming from a daughter that is in alot of pain and has alot of anger right now. Reading that really took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. Your daughter will read that and see the sincerity in it and it will help her. I wish my father could have done something like that for me to help understand that he did love me. Keep up the good work!
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