SamanthaY82

I have been attending meetings now for over a month and I find it hard to make new friends because I am scared. I was scared to ask for a sponser but I just finally did. So far she is great. But I still want to build my network and like is it best that you only talk to the same sex? What are good ideas to break the ice and build my network?

EmeraldRose

Start a ladies group. My AA was talking about that -women need to talk to women.
I was the only 'girl' at the last AA meeting and the only 'girl' at my last weeks rehab session. This week there was another girl that barely spoke and another who was incarcerated and only out for counseling.
Sometimes its hard, I know how you feel. Breaking the ice is easy -just introduce yourself! As they say, strangers are only friends we haven't met.

ste

From a male perspective, yes, be wary of males, as apparently you already are. Think when one is not sober, or recovering, their "RADAR" is glitchy. Some might try to "fly in under the RADAR", more likely one of the opposite sex. I wouldn't go so far as not talking to men, they can't get in unless you let them, and you still have defences.

Military RADAR has a FOF (friend or foe) function. The good guys have a transponder that bleeps back "friend". We don't have that function, welcome to the real world. Don't shoot down everybody, there's room for diplomacy.

ronf

I'm going to take this slightly off topic for a moment. This concept that adult males are a threat just burns my ass.

STE, I have to strongly disagree. The men I know in and out of AA are good people.

There, you can have your thread back now.

Ron

yeahgr8

Once i began doing the steps in AA, in effect wanting to work on myself to recover from alcoholism i found that i made friends pretty quickly, friends of the right variety...hopefully your sponsor will introduce you to a few people if she is the right one for you...have you started the step work yet?

CarolD

Welcome....glad to know you are hheading into a
sober healthier future...

To get acquainted within your meetings....please go
15 minutes early and/or stay a bit after.
Offering to help set up...make coffee...take out trash etc.
is a good ice breaker.

Sit with the women for awhile...they will know about various
social activities that happen.

This will often give confidence about meeting new people
in and out of program....

Please keep posting...we are here to support you

totfit

While this is one of the hardest things to develop, patience is in order. Congratulations on a month, but just remember, "Rome wasn't built in a day." That being said some great networks to develop would be those with whom you have the same interests. It may be church (I am Unitarian, not so religious), the gym (exercise is a life and sober saver), clubs, community groups, etc. There is a big world full of people out there that have good coping skills and would benefit life experience AND sobriety. I know when I first started on this journey, I had to force myself into new social/recreational situations. This however is what brought me to where I am today. Just take a small step at a time, but continue to look forward and follow the path you set out for yourself.

SamanthaY82

yeah i am just starting my step work

Rickie

Thank you. I've been repeating this and very few people seem to acknowledge the importance of exercise LOL! Shame.

Inafishbowl

To your question, I have found that I made a lot of friends by sharing in the group. The people who identify with you will make an effort.

I couldn't agree more. I have actually met a couple women who are constantly talking about being hit on or similar stories. To be honest, I think it is these women in particular who are putting something out there. I haven't had anything close to any kind of weird vibe from any men in my meetings. The men in my mixed meetings are a huge part of this process for me. I am really serious about this process and I am going to these meetings to recover. This is the vibe I'm sure I put out there and I'm certain that this is why I haven't had any issues. I'm not a fan of women bashing on men in general. It bugs me.

LaFemme

Come join "Kicking Asphalt" down in the health and fitness section there are more who think this way than it might seem