Lipitor

After three weeks off the vodka , I enjoyed last night with ONE bourbon and coke. This first drink turned out to be three bottles of wine. I was taking my daughter for a driving lesson this morning, but pulled out , with the subsequent lies that something was wrong with my car. The onset of guilt.. some paranoia , My abdomen is now distended (again) I lost about four Kg in the three weeks off the juice.
Im too scared to think of a life without alcohol , how could I possibly function.??

I know it is all distorted thinking, but what do I do about it ...I become complacent after a few days, then look for booze,

AA did not work , I did it for three years, under the banner of threats from my wife...(who is now gone by the way) sleeping with another man..

HELP

L

Lipitor

Post script......I just am too afraid to do the work.....to not drink it is my nemisis and my solace ...if that makes sense.

EmeraldRose

Doesn't sound like you're quite ready yet!
The word "enjoyed" gave me a clue.

Maybe try to repeat what you did for the 3 weeks you quit.
How did you feel physically? How did you function? How did your daughter react to you then? How did you feel about yourself?

suki44883

It's possible you just aren't ready yet. It's obvious you're working on getting ready, but you just haven't made it quite that far yet. When you are truly ready, nothing on earth will stop you and you will be willing to do whatever it takes.

marni

Hi Lipitor,
sounds like you don't really have any clear plan to follow to remain sober. l know you said you didn't gel with AA but have you tried other support groups like SMART recovery.
Did you really think you would stop drinking after 1 burboun and coke or did the alcoholic in you know there would be more alcohol to follow and that was ok?
Guess you've really got to want a better life than the one you are living now before you commit to sobriety and maybe you're not there yet,
to give up alcohol for good takes a lot of work and determination.

Though no-one can go back and make a new start,
anyone can start from now and make a new ending.
Carl Bard.

sober4mami

That's what it came down to for me @marni and what I have to remind myself of everyday because it's easy to lose sight!

I hope you find your path Lipitor-good luck

LaFemme

Dear lipitor...to me it sounds like you are ready...you wouldn't be here otherwise. Maybe you should look into other options than AA that might work better for you.

There is a book I read called "the easy way to quit drinking" by Allan Carr ...it turned everything I thought about my drinking upside down and helped me get sober.

I use SR for my support and I work with a life coach to address my problems, not by dissecting my past but by finding tool to move forward in a healthy and happy way.

Alcohol does not help you function

Sending you positive prayers!

LaFemme

Veritas1

Ugh! I would cringe when people would say "I don't think you are ready yet...or maybe you are just not ready yet!"

Sorry, but that gets me upset.

Who the hell is ready?

It's not about being ready or not.

It's not about willpower, being good, being ready, how bad do you want it...

OP, go back to AA.

You have two choices, go on to the bitter end blotting out your consciousness with booze, or accept spiritual help, through the program of AA.

It's not AA that doesn't work, it's us that don't work the program of AA, and say it doesn't work. I know...as this has been my experience.

Pick up your big book, go to a meeting, get a sponsor, get a support group of sober men around you immediately, start working your steps, and make sure you get a strong foundation and understanding of what makes you an alcoholic, and what conceding to your innermost self that you are means.

What has your experience shown you?

It's hard to imagine a life without alcohol, but even harder to imagine no life at all. As in we die from this, we get really sick and we die.

No frothy emotional appeals tonight. The message must have depth and weight.

Do this as if your life, and your child's life depends on it, because it does.

mtnmagic

Hi Lipitor - I have been following your posts and can feel the frustration and confusion in them. Yeah - I think you are sick of being sick and tired and are ready, but that alcoholic voice keeps you stuck. There are other options to help other then AA. You've been trying with SR, and maybe that alone isn't enough.

The way I see it you can't imagine functioning without alcohol, but here is the huge dilemma YOU ARE NOT FUNCTIONING WITH ALCOHOL. (Not shouting at you there, just want to emphasis this point.)

I was there many, many times. Damned if I did and damned if I didn't....
so I drank. Again and again. I finally decided that I was going to give not drinking just as much of a chance as I had done drinking. So far it is working and I like this not drinking much better for the most part.

Thing is I need help. SR alone isn't enough. Not saying again that it has to be AA, but hope you look into some of the other options suggested here and maybe check out the Secular Forum. Wishing you the best!

Please take what you want in my response and disregard the rest.

ste

A lot of empathy in these posts.

How about "S**t, or get off the pot"? Your brain is constipated.

ste

I'm a sidewalk jockey for now.

Maybe take a long ride and clear your mind? In Dallas I had to ride at least an hour to get to good roads, don't know about Sydney. Any good roads near you?

ChikkaB

AA and every other recovery system only works if you want it to work. If you go into a program to please someone else, it won't work. You have to want sobriety for yourself.

Lipitor, the only real question in front of you is, do you want to stop drinking?

Veritas1

You have to want sobriety for yourself yes, and you can get sober for someone else as well, like your child if you can't get sober for yourself.

I think you can get sober for someone else, if you cannot get sober for yourself. Especially for your child.

eddie73

Fantastic

yeahgr8

Excellent way of putting it...i was going to post about AA being about working the steps not just sitting on ass in meetings but your post made me think of a friend who did the steps in AA twice before finally getting honest with himself...i do sometimes forget to emphasise the rigorous honesty bit and suki's post explains why an individual would choose to enter in a program of recovery only to manipulate it to their own ends:-)

Creekryder

Lipitor, I can, as well as many others here, understand exactly from where you are coming. Alcohol changes the thought process to the point that it is your reality in life...the only thing that is real. And the thought of spending the rest of your life not drinking is frightening as hell. How will you be able to function without its "help"? It's like turning away from your best friend. But it isn't a helper or a friend but a destroyer. Underneath that warm an cozy feeling of inebriation is a substance that disintegrates our health, our relationships, our life. With this knowledge under our belt, we can still, at times, push it aside and return to the downhill slide of addiction. Absolutely unbelievable, isn't it? We have to consciously and continuously keep the reality of our alcoholism foremost in our head to keep hold of our sobriety. Sometimes that is an almost insurmountable task, but essential in the survival of our recovery. Keep strong, keep in touch with those who can help, and most importantly, stay sober.

Padraic