Down the road to guilt
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Down the road to guilt
My AS, who I am not sure now is into drugs or simply psychotic is living with my AD (raging addict). She called this morning and stated he needs psychiatric help and she needs detox. She stated all his family has abandoned him and she can't abandon him too, but she needs help. She states he's not on drugs.
He has been to 2 psych units in the past 2 yrs. Since he was an adult each time (he's 26 now), I did not get to talk to anyone during his stay. Also, down here in Louisiana, the shortage of psych facilities has produced turn around times of 5-7 days. I know this, because I worked in an ER and it is very hard to place someone.
So now I'm feeling the guilt of abandoning my AS perhaps when he truly needs it. I don't know if it's the drugs he's done in the past that has led to psychosis or all that has happened in the past (his Father died when he was 16) has led to this.
I just don't know where to draw the line today with boundaries. I've allowed him to live with me in the past and it was horrible. I now have a 4 yr old grandaughter and I know I can't allow this to go on around her.
I guess I just need some support while I go through this and accept some things.
Thanks for listening as this is very hard to even write at this point.
He has been to 2 psych units in the past 2 yrs. Since he was an adult each time (he's 26 now), I did not get to talk to anyone during his stay. Also, down here in Louisiana, the shortage of psych facilities has produced turn around times of 5-7 days. I know this, because I worked in an ER and it is very hard to place someone.
So now I'm feeling the guilt of abandoning my AS perhaps when he truly needs it. I don't know if it's the drugs he's done in the past that has led to psychosis or all that has happened in the past (his Father died when he was 16) has led to this.
I just don't know where to draw the line today with boundaries. I've allowed him to live with me in the past and it was horrible. I now have a 4 yr old grandaughter and I know I can't allow this to go on around her.
I guess I just need some support while I go through this and accept some things.
Thanks for listening as this is very hard to even write at this point.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Hi Hope, welcome to SR.
I really don't have any in-put to share with you, except that I would be feeling the same as you if it was my son. Do you think if you went to your Dr. and told him what is going on, he might be able to give you some guidence. I am no Dr or expert, just wondering what drug was he using, was he really abusive with drugs, any idea how long he has not used for, please don't feel you have to answer anything if you are not up to it.
It is my understanding that an addict can recover mentally and phyically from the use of drugs of course depending on the amount of abuse, over and beyond can cause perminent damage to the brain and organs. Maybe just some thought to help you pin point if your son has a drug problem or mental. Though in either situation it is not really your responsiblity to fix or have to live with. There are professionals for this, so I guess that is where you are having the most problem, finding help with such a sortage. If it comes down to mental issues would there be more help available if he had to go to a different state?
Just some thoughts,
Rose
I really don't have any in-put to share with you, except that I would be feeling the same as you if it was my son. Do you think if you went to your Dr. and told him what is going on, he might be able to give you some guidence. I am no Dr or expert, just wondering what drug was he using, was he really abusive with drugs, any idea how long he has not used for, please don't feel you have to answer anything if you are not up to it.
It is my understanding that an addict can recover mentally and phyically from the use of drugs of course depending on the amount of abuse, over and beyond can cause perminent damage to the brain and organs. Maybe just some thought to help you pin point if your son has a drug problem or mental. Though in either situation it is not really your responsiblity to fix or have to live with. There are professionals for this, so I guess that is where you are having the most problem, finding help with such a sortage. If it comes down to mental issues would there be more help available if he had to go to a different state?
Just some thoughts,
Rose
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((Hope)))
I am exactly in the same place you are right now, not sure if my AS, (age 37) is psychotic, or using.
My son has recently been to the county hospital because he cannot control his rage. Also he has threatening behavior, and downright scary, and I'm not sure if it's manipulation or just craziness.
I am just sitting back, and detaching from him, cause, that is what is best for me.
You do know one thing for sure, as you stated, it never went well when he lived with you, so that is not an option.
If there is a county hospital near you, he can go to E.R. and they will assess him.
Take some deep breaths, and hang on, we're all here for you.
This craziness can make US crazy, literally.
I am exactly in the same place you are right now, not sure if my AS, (age 37) is psychotic, or using.
My son has recently been to the county hospital because he cannot control his rage. Also he has threatening behavior, and downright scary, and I'm not sure if it's manipulation or just craziness.
I am just sitting back, and detaching from him, cause, that is what is best for me.
You do know one thing for sure, as you stated, it never went well when he lived with you, so that is not an option.
If there is a county hospital near you, he can go to E.R. and they will assess him.
Take some deep breaths, and hang on, we're all here for you.
This craziness can make US crazy, literally.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Sending hugs and lots and lots of prayers...I wish I had some wise words to share, but I don't...I would feel just as you do. In those times I just need to be as still as I can to try to hear God. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I understand your feelings of guilt. As a mother to an addict, there are always questions in the back of our minds. What did I do or fail to do that caused my child to turn to drugs? Have I done enough? Have I done too much? What else can I do? If they don't get better, is it my fault? Am I a bad mother? It it drug use making him/her crazy? Is it mental illness?
No matter what anyone says, those questions always seem to nag at the back of our brains.
Of course we didn't cause it. We can intellectualize that we didn't cause it. But our mother's hearts want to blame something....or someone....even if that someone is ourselves. At least there would be something we could point a finger at! The unfortunate fact is that many young adults try drugs.......some get addicted and some don't. Genetics? Probably. Environment? Very likely too.
When I get like this, I pray. There is nothing else that helps me (other than coming on SR or going to a Naranon meeting) like prayer. Asking my HP for guidance and then waiting quietly for him to answer......and sometimes it takes a while for that answer to become apparent.
You, your son and your daughter will be in my prayers tonight.
gentle hugs
No matter what anyone says, those questions always seem to nag at the back of our brains.
Of course we didn't cause it. We can intellectualize that we didn't cause it. But our mother's hearts want to blame something....or someone....even if that someone is ourselves. At least there would be something we could point a finger at! The unfortunate fact is that many young adults try drugs.......some get addicted and some don't. Genetics? Probably. Environment? Very likely too.
When I get like this, I pray. There is nothing else that helps me (other than coming on SR or going to a Naranon meeting) like prayer. Asking my HP for guidance and then waiting quietly for him to answer......and sometimes it takes a while for that answer to become apparent.
You, your son and your daughter will be in my prayers tonight.
gentle hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Thanks to all for the much needed support. At present I think my best course of action is to do nothing since I do not feel grounded enough.
It brings me such comfort to know I am not alone.
I am beginning to think God is presenting through you wonderful people.
Maybe this is just where I need to be to work on step 2, which I was struggling with.
Since I am unable to attend meetings at present, this board has become my lifeline.
Big hugs to my new family!
It brings me such comfort to know I am not alone.
I am beginning to think God is presenting through you wonderful people.
Maybe this is just where I need to be to work on step 2, which I was struggling with.
Since I am unable to attend meetings at present, this board has become my lifeline.
Big hugs to my new family!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The South
Posts: 105
Prayers going up...
I have a 36 year old AD. Also, she has been diagnosed with severe depression. Genetically she was predisposed to addiction and to depression. She showed signs of depression since the 4th grade. Yet, my husband and I did not pick up on it. Sometimes, I think that depression and addiction go hand in hand. In her case, the drugs did not cause her depression. It is so hard. Both are cruel diseases.
I, too, deal with the guilt. I start thinking about all the "what ifs". When my mind starts to "go there", I try to (not successful all the time) reel it back in and start to focus on "Who Is". She is in God's Hands. And, that is a good place to be.
Hugs.
I have a 36 year old AD. Also, she has been diagnosed with severe depression. Genetically she was predisposed to addiction and to depression. She showed signs of depression since the 4th grade. Yet, my husband and I did not pick up on it. Sometimes, I think that depression and addiction go hand in hand. In her case, the drugs did not cause her depression. It is so hard. Both are cruel diseases.
I, too, deal with the guilt. I start thinking about all the "what ifs". When my mind starts to "go there", I try to (not successful all the time) reel it back in and start to focus on "Who Is". She is in God's Hands. And, that is a good place to be.
Hugs.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Update: I'm at work tonight & my AS is at relatives. They texted & asked what to do. Said I'm sorry that they are dealing with this but I can no longer deal with him- he needs professional help. They understood, but I have a sinking feeling he'll be at my doorsteps in am.
I am praying that I have the strength to go through this & come out with my sanity intact. I know most have been here too.
I must admit that this time I feel closer to acceptance than I ever have in the past. I know now that this is definitely no-longer in my power to fix.
Thanks to all for the support. It's comforting to know I'm not alone.
I am praying that I have the strength to go through this & come out with my sanity intact. I know most have been here too.
I must admit that this time I feel closer to acceptance than I ever have in the past. I know now that this is definitely no-longer in my power to fix.
Thanks to all for the support. It's comforting to know I'm not alone.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
(((hope2be))) I hope that you have returned home to a peaceful house! My A stepson really needs help, too. Professional counseling would be best. Mr. HG even made an appointment for him with the best addiction counselor in the state, and Jr. bailed.......
We can only keep praying that he'll choose to recover some day. Hugs for you and your son.
HG
We can only keep praying that he'll choose to recover some day. Hugs for you and your son.
HG
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