First AA meeting and v scared!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 38
First AA meeting and v scared!!!
Well in 12 hours I'll be sat in my first meeting and I haven't got a clue what to expect - have no idea where the building even is, how big the group is, what I need to do - argh!! Looked online and found the place and time of one nearby so I'm thinking I can just turn up - hopefully they will let me in!!
Part of me thinks because I'm still sober then I don't need to go to a meeting, but then the other part thinks that it can't help to give it a try esp if it helps me STAY sober.
Fingers crossed it goes ok!!
Part of me thinks because I'm still sober then I don't need to go to a meeting, but then the other part thinks that it can't help to give it a try esp if it helps me STAY sober.
Fingers crossed it goes ok!!
Eternal optimist
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: northeast
Posts: 293
Hello NewStart!
I wanted to encourage you on your first meeting. I just went to a meeting yesterday for the first time in over 15 years -- it might as well have been the first time because I was so nervous and unsure of what to expect as well.
It was great.
I should've gone sooner instead of suffering alone and in silence.
I was warmly greeted by folks at the door of the church. The basement was alive with chatter -- friendly people sipping coffee. I was relaxed within minutes but I still made my way to the back of the room to sit and that was ok.
The lead speaker was incredible and his words resonated within me. I felt hope. Real honest to goodness hope that I can make it sober because there were living/breathing examples all around me.
Someone at the meeting was celebrating 18 years of sobriety. I was in awe. And I want that. Thankfully there are folks are eager to share the recipe for that success with you.
Best wishes to you!
I wanted to encourage you on your first meeting. I just went to a meeting yesterday for the first time in over 15 years -- it might as well have been the first time because I was so nervous and unsure of what to expect as well.
It was great.
I should've gone sooner instead of suffering alone and in silence.
I was warmly greeted by folks at the door of the church. The basement was alive with chatter -- friendly people sipping coffee. I was relaxed within minutes but I still made my way to the back of the room to sit and that was ok.
The lead speaker was incredible and his words resonated within me. I felt hope. Real honest to goodness hope that I can make it sober because there were living/breathing examples all around me.
Someone at the meeting was celebrating 18 years of sobriety. I was in awe. And I want that. Thankfully there are folks are eager to share the recipe for that success with you.
Best wishes to you!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Good for you! I was terrified as well, but it was a wonderful experience.
This link helped me know what to expect:
Your First AA Meeting<
This link helped me know what to expect:
Your First AA Meeting<
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
I was really excited to go to my first meeting...it was awesome. I didn't know what to expect either but ya know what? We're all the same...they all have the same problem and know my story before I tell it!
You'll be fine. They are a very welcoming group no matter where you go. Good luck.
You'll be fine. They are a very welcoming group no matter where you go. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
One thing I did, which helped, was to call the main AA number for my county first. I explained I was scared to go and asked for a good meeting that would be "newbie-friendly." The woman I talked to was really reassuring and suggested a smaller meeting not far from my house.
I've read that if you ask, sometimes you can get an AA member to go with you. But honestly, I wouldn't worry. People are extremely welcoming and nice to newcomers and there's no pressure to say anything if you don't want to. I was a weepy, hungover mess at my first meeting and nobody pointed and laughed.
Everyone at an AA meeting was a newcomer once.
I've read that if you ask, sometimes you can get an AA member to go with you. But honestly, I wouldn't worry. People are extremely welcoming and nice to newcomers and there's no pressure to say anything if you don't want to. I was a weepy, hungover mess at my first meeting and nobody pointed and laughed.
Everyone at an AA meeting was a newcomer once.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Brick, NJ
Posts: 271
I was scared to death of my first AA meeting. I got over that about 10 minutes after the meeting started. They were very welcoming and I related so much with them. I'm so glad I waked into that door.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'll post my favorite link for anyone wanting to know what to expect at your first AA meeting.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 252
I think you will find everyone very welcoming. I too was a bit apprehensive to attend that very first meeting but got over it quickly when I was warmly welcomed.
You'll be fine, but feel free to call your local AA hotline and ask somebody to meet you there if that would make you more comfortable - that's what I did.
Best to you
You'll be fine, but feel free to call your local AA hotline and ask somebody to meet you there if that would make you more comfortable - that's what I did.
Best to you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 38
Thanks guys for the replies - feel abit better about the situ but am still scared.
I did phone the number and the guy wasnt very helpful he just said to go along. I just hope it goes ok. I never really thought much of AA but then I have read quite abit about the steps and someone recently said that they had tried everything to stay sober but she kept relapsing until she started going to meetings. With that in mind, I really dont want to have done all of this hard work to then go and start drinking again.
Thanks for the link - I've had a read so hopefully know abit more.
I did phone the number and the guy wasnt very helpful he just said to go along. I just hope it goes ok. I never really thought much of AA but then I have read quite abit about the steps and someone recently said that they had tried everything to stay sober but she kept relapsing until she started going to meetings. With that in mind, I really dont want to have done all of this hard work to then go and start drinking again.
Thanks for the link - I've had a read so hopefully know abit more.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Nothing to be scared about. Go and join the group that has found a way to live sober
There is so much to gain, and so many wonderful people to share their experience, strength and hope with you.
Get excited, in a good way!
There is so much to gain, and so many wonderful people to share their experience, strength and hope with you.
Get excited, in a good way!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 14
I hope all went well at your first meeting! (I havnt seen a reply back if you suited-up and went).
Anyway, I'm pretty new at the whole sober-thing, and recently reading that the substances are .."but a symptom." of something more, I get to use regular meetings to face my fears of people head-on.
In fact, this fear (that quickly turns into resentments) is so bad that my previous sponsor used to tell me to introduce myself to two people every meeting. Shake hands and everything!!
I still do this, and knowing how shy I am, I always go up to the quiet ones hanging around the fringes of the cliques after and before the meetings. I like to talk to the quiet folks, well... I am one of them. You have no idea how important how a simple freindly "hello" can be to a shy person (like myself). Even though my fear of people is beginning to lift, it never would have without that advise from my first sponsor.
BTW, dont worry about what a "sponsor" is just yet. In my experience, just getting into the meetings and staying clean is a great start. The sponsor is there to help you work the steps.
I'm beginning to ramble here, but this thread reminds me of the anxiety that meetings would (and still do) cause with my shyness. The main problems would come when my shyness turned into anger/resentment very fast. Next stop for me was a drink and then back to the needle... all from a stupid little resentment that I concocted in my own mind! In no way would this happen to a normal person, and I must always remember that.
Anyway, I'm pretty new at the whole sober-thing, and recently reading that the substances are .."but a symptom." of something more, I get to use regular meetings to face my fears of people head-on.
In fact, this fear (that quickly turns into resentments) is so bad that my previous sponsor used to tell me to introduce myself to two people every meeting. Shake hands and everything!!
I still do this, and knowing how shy I am, I always go up to the quiet ones hanging around the fringes of the cliques after and before the meetings. I like to talk to the quiet folks, well... I am one of them. You have no idea how important how a simple freindly "hello" can be to a shy person (like myself). Even though my fear of people is beginning to lift, it never would have without that advise from my first sponsor.
BTW, dont worry about what a "sponsor" is just yet. In my experience, just getting into the meetings and staying clean is a great start. The sponsor is there to help you work the steps.
I'm beginning to ramble here, but this thread reminds me of the anxiety that meetings would (and still do) cause with my shyness. The main problems would come when my shyness turned into anger/resentment very fast. Next stop for me was a drink and then back to the needle... all from a stupid little resentment that I concocted in my own mind! In no way would this happen to a normal person, and I must always remember that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 38
Well today didnt go as plan, I ended up making a right fool of myself!!
Got all ready to go, left myself enough time to drive there and find it as it wasnt in my town. The building was sign posted so I found it quite easily. I parked up and because I was early I waited in my car. I saw people walking in and was trying to get the courage to get out of the car. I finally did and walked over, it was round a corner but I found the door - then I froze. Stood outside like an idiot and panicked, so started pretending I was texting on my mobile and just stood there. Then two guys walked in and I should have smiled and followed but I didnt even make eye contact. Then after a bit I walked away and on the way back a lady walked past me towards it so I turned and followed her thinking I would ask to go in with her. She got in first so I just followed and went in, and there looked like a small kitchen area and she went in there (i think to get a cup of coffee) and straight on there was the room where everyone was. But is wasnt what I had thought it would have been - it was small and everyone looked like they were sat round a table (I couldnt see the whole room) I then completely panicked again and practically ran out, jumped in the car and drove home.
Im such an idiot and must have looked pathetic. I just wasnt expecting it to be like that - I thought it would be in a big hall or something and I could have snuck in and sat at the back, not around a table or whatever it was.
I regretted it instantly and got quite annoyed and then upset with myself - and then started having thoughts thinking 'well a drink will help me feel better'! Thankfully I let the feeling pass and havent had anything. I just wish I had walked the extra few steps into the room!!!
The people that I saw seemed very normal (shock horror lol) and I could hear lots of laughter even when I was stood outside, so looking back I know it would have been fine. That meeting is only on the first weekend of each month and tbh some of them saw me so I doubt I will go back after making such an arse of myself!
Got all ready to go, left myself enough time to drive there and find it as it wasnt in my town. The building was sign posted so I found it quite easily. I parked up and because I was early I waited in my car. I saw people walking in and was trying to get the courage to get out of the car. I finally did and walked over, it was round a corner but I found the door - then I froze. Stood outside like an idiot and panicked, so started pretending I was texting on my mobile and just stood there. Then two guys walked in and I should have smiled and followed but I didnt even make eye contact. Then after a bit I walked away and on the way back a lady walked past me towards it so I turned and followed her thinking I would ask to go in with her. She got in first so I just followed and went in, and there looked like a small kitchen area and she went in there (i think to get a cup of coffee) and straight on there was the room where everyone was. But is wasnt what I had thought it would have been - it was small and everyone looked like they were sat round a table (I couldnt see the whole room) I then completely panicked again and practically ran out, jumped in the car and drove home.
Im such an idiot and must have looked pathetic. I just wasnt expecting it to be like that - I thought it would be in a big hall or something and I could have snuck in and sat at the back, not around a table or whatever it was.
I regretted it instantly and got quite annoyed and then upset with myself - and then started having thoughts thinking 'well a drink will help me feel better'! Thankfully I let the feeling pass and havent had anything. I just wish I had walked the extra few steps into the room!!!
The people that I saw seemed very normal (shock horror lol) and I could hear lots of laughter even when I was stood outside, so looking back I know it would have been fine. That meeting is only on the first weekend of each month and tbh some of them saw me so I doubt I will go back after making such an arse of myself!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
OK, so you had a "practice run". Next time (and I'd make it TODAY if I were you), just walk in.
Usually there are meetings throughout the day on weekends. Just go. Don't even think about it.
Incidentally, if anyone noticed your "escape", believe me, they aren't judging you. They remember it's scary to walk in for the first time. They will be THRILLED if you come back.
Usually there are meetings throughout the day on weekends. Just go. Don't even think about it.
Incidentally, if anyone noticed your "escape", believe me, they aren't judging you. They remember it's scary to walk in for the first time. They will be THRILLED if you come back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 38
I'm beginning to ramble here, but this thread reminds me of the anxiety that meetings would (and still do) cause with my shyness. The main problems would come when my shyness turned into anger/resentment very fast. Next stop for me was a drink and then back to the needle... all from a stupid little resentment that I concocted in my own mind! In no way would this happen to a normal person, and I must always remember that.
Thats how I feel too - because of being shy Ive went and messed this up and now feel angry with myself!!
Thats how I feel too - because of being shy Ive went and messed this up and now feel angry with myself!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
((NewStart)) Sorry to laugh, but I almost did the exact same thing at my first meeting....I got to the door and stood there frozen like a deer in headlights. And that was after getting there about 30 minutes early and sitting chain-smoking in my truck arguing with myself about whether to go in already, or to go home via the liquor store.
Do you only have one meeting a month available to you? Seriously, go back....chances are people didn't pay as much attention to you as you suspect they did. And I swear nobody will think less of you if you go back and are as honest as you were in the above post. Most will probably relate...I know I would!
Do you only have one meeting a month available to you? Seriously, go back....chances are people didn't pay as much attention to you as you suspect they did. And I swear nobody will think less of you if you go back and are as honest as you were in the above post. Most will probably relate...I know I would!
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