KatieGates

So me and my boyfriend have been best friends for 3 years and have always had those feelings for eachother and recently started dateing as of four months ago I'm a recovering addict myself march 16th will be one year sober and my boyfriends going to rehab tommrow for a 30 day treatment program he promises me that he will try which I know isn't easy because I've been there but sometimes I feel guilty if I cut him to much slack about it is that normal? And sometimes I question myself if I should break up with him untill he's sober but it's confuseing me because I know how it is not having someone to help you through it I recently lost my mom to cancer last June and my boyfriend helped me with my drug addiction and my mother passing away do you think it would be wrong if I just focused on myself and let him deal with his own problems or should I help him and support him through this rough time and hope he gets clean sometimes I just feel like he needs space but I don't like distanceing myself from him like that it's just hard on me and my studies dealing with this I love him so much yet it pains me to see him suffer like this I'd appreciate some advice thank you

Kindeyes

Katie
You've been through rehab yourself and I'm guessing that perhaps you are still going to AA/NA meetings? This may be a good time for you to consider going into other rooms that are helpful to your current situation (Naranon or Alanon). There are several people on SR who are recovering A's who are also codependent. Many of them have chosen to get help with both aspects of their lives.

There is a fine line between enabling ones addiction and supporting their recovery. Understanding that fine line would be most helpful for you and for your bf.

gentle hugs

keepinon

SO agree with Kindeyes..go to alaon/naranon and they can really help you find those boundaries..it really helped me learn what was helping and what was enabling, how to focus on MY recovery and let someone el;se focus on theirs..any rehab will encourge partners of those in treatment to go..

wicked

Yes, KatieGates, you must take care of yourself first.
If you start slacking on your program to support him, you could lose your serenity and probably interfere with his process. No matter how much you love him and want to support him.
I think it is time for you to go to AlAnon or NarAnon too.
Congratulations on your one year! That is a miracle!
:day6

Beth

KatieGates

I have not been to rehab myself but I manged to get off them with my own strength just it's so hard not relapseing after I've come so far and I'll think about those meetings mabe

coffeedrinker

Katie,

Welcome to Sober Recovery!

Please please go to some AA or NA meetings - most people in recovery will say that it is crucial for them to continue to stay sober, and to continue to grow.

A circle of clean and sober friends is one of the huge benefits.

As you may know, your sobriety needs to be Priority One. If ANYTHING starts to threaten that sobriety, your priorities are out of whack.

So, of course, that includes this friend/boyfriend.
Even if he was there for you, even if he walked across a lake on water to get to you....it doesn't mean that it's what you also must do. Because you must do what you feel is best for you.

Guilt or obligation does not make an attractive reason to be with someone.

iwasinnocent

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. He went from drug to drug...mainly pills over the years (even before I got with him). The worst part was that he wanted to make it okay for him do to it by "getting me some too". For about 2 weeks, I got to where I wanted to take them everyday. I looked around and seen how this addiction is doing him and I wasn't going to give into it anymore. I finally said I give up, after being hurt and lied to time after time (it never seemed like it was going to end). I thought about leaving him everyday because it was just another lie. But I knew that if I didn't stick around and help him with this...he wouldn't make it through. I felt more like a mother (and protector) to him than I did a girlfriend. I told him: As much as I try, I can't help you if you don't want to be helped and want to help yourself. I'm going to move on and better my life. When you're ready jump on the train. I'm not saying I don't want to be with you; BUT I have to draw the line...enough is enough. We (you) need to change for the sake of us, or we just need to move on.

Today is day 3 for us and everything is going good so far. I feel that he really does want to stop just doesn't know how because it's all he has known for years. He has joined this site too, so maybe he'll be able to get some ideas on cooping.

Hope this helps you.