ghost99

Hello All,

Well all of you know the incredible ups and downs of living with an addict. I have thought about this with a clearer head lately and want to know what you think..

Codependents are really sick. I know this sounds negative but I dont mean it that way. I guess the whole time I have lived with my AW I always viewed her as the one with the problem. The truth is codepedents are really sick. And until they realize this, they are no more are on a path to recovery as the addict is. As long as they are "codependent" they are as addicted to their addict, as the addict is to their DOC.

I know this may be clear to alot of you, but it took me A VERY LONG time to realize this. One of the things that helped me realize this was observing another codependent family member basically enabling another person to death. Codependents feel "needed" as long as their addict needs them, they feel in control, and they are able to not really face the fact that the addict may or may not care about them. And this is a sickness as deep as the addicts. In other words,until you are no longer a codependent and enabler, you are never really sure if the addict needs you or loves you. So sometimes it's easier to live with the addict then to face reality. Having the addict around and never honestly have to look at your own issues/problems.

Well let me know what you think. I haven't been on here for a bit.

keepinon

Dead. On.

Rooberri

Guilty!!!

But I'm working on it! Every day!

newnormal4me

Well, I would guess your descriptor of a co-dependent is probably a bit personal. I think there are lots of "angles" to co-dependency. But, regardless of how we are affected, we are sick! And until we come to a revelation of that and a realization of our situation (seeing reality), we keep spinning our wheels in the same mud!

It's amazing how utterly painful it is to start "walking" out of the denial. Sometimes I think I was more so just trying to avoid that pain!

Anyway, just a simplistic version of my take! I am still learning...have a LONG WAY to go.

Chino

Addicts do that, too. As the saying goes, "where there's an addict there is an enabler," and we sure do mimic them. Our steps are mirror images, too.

They depend on a substance for their happiness and we depend on them for ours. That is codependency in a nutshell.

Kindeyes

ghost
Yes. Codependents are very sick. But we're often so wrapped up in the disease of our addicted loved one that we can't see our own illness. Luckily, just like there is treatment and recovery for the addict, there is also treatment and recovery for the codependent.

And just like the addict, our first step is admitting we have a problem.

gentle hugs

MissTara

Guilty as well for me! Working on it everyday too. It is nice to have such an awakening isn't it? I am glad that you are seeing things differently after such a long time.....

mooselips

If you looked i the dictionary under "Codependent" I'm sure my name is listed there.

BUT, I do want both of my sons to live their lives on their own.

I think by living One day at a time, I am getting better control of my enabling character defects.

My most difficult problem is communication, and not sticking to my guns.

I'm a work in progress....

sailorjohn

Yes, something I know now but it took me a long time to accept.

Funny, I mentioned that to my ex when she would accuse me of thinking that I was 'better' than her, I would simply say, if I really thought that, would I be involved with you?

Which would get thrown back in my face later as "you're sicker than I am"

She is a clever woman.