AAs at Alanon Meetings
AAs at Alanon Meetings
I'm thinking of attending some alanon meetings. I'm a double-winner ..... both parents are (recovering) alcoholics.
Just curious, as I've been to a few different Alanon meetings.....
What is the general consensus about alcoholics being at alanon meetings?
Should I introduce my self as an alcoholic?
I know every meeting is different just don't want to offend anyone but I don't want to lie either. It almost feels like lying if I don't introduce myself as an alkie. What do you think?
Just curious, as I've been to a few different Alanon meetings.....
What is the general consensus about alcoholics being at alanon meetings?
Should I introduce my self as an alcoholic?
I know every meeting is different just don't want to offend anyone but I don't want to lie either. It almost feels like lying if I don't introduce myself as an alkie. What do you think?
When I went to my first Alanon meeting there was a woman there that introduced herself (a long time member) to me as a double winner - which she explained as being part of both alanon and AA. She kept her input and sharing limited to the alanon stuff at the alanon meetings. I've only been to one alanon meeting/group so not sure how others handle it.
ETA: after reading sailorjohn's post I wanted to add that I never said anything other then my first name at my meeting either. I didn't say why I was there or anything.
ETA: after reading sailorjohn's post I wanted to add that I never said anything other then my first name at my meeting either. I didn't say why I was there or anything.
You just need to use your first name.
If you are sharing, and you feel the need to mention it, everyone I've run across calls themselves a "double winner" rather than "also an alcoholic" - it makes it a little more comfortable for the newer members. But there is no requirement to mention that, either - it's up to you.
Also, personal addiction recovery stories aren't the material for topics in Al-Anon. Mentioning things in passing ("The situation threatened my own sobriety.") are okay, as long as the main topic is how other people's addictions affect you.
If you are sharing, and you feel the need to mention it, everyone I've run across calls themselves a "double winner" rather than "also an alcoholic" - it makes it a little more comfortable for the newer members. But there is no requirement to mention that, either - it's up to you.
Also, personal addiction recovery stories aren't the material for topics in Al-Anon. Mentioning things in passing ("The situation threatened my own sobriety.") are okay, as long as the main topic is how other people's addictions affect you.
You are not the first "double winner" to walk into Al-Anon.
I will say, though, lots of people are nervous about their first meeting.
You've been to AA, but Al-Anon is different, and unknown, and that's understandable.
Judging by your feeling that maybe you should announce you're also an alcoholic, I would say you're nervous about that, as well. Don't be.
They'll be happy (and lucky) to have you! :ghug3
I will say, though, lots of people are nervous about their first meeting.
You've been to AA, but Al-Anon is different, and unknown, and that's understandable.
Judging by your feeling that maybe you should announce you're also an alcoholic, I would say you're nervous about that, as well. Don't be.
They'll be happy (and lucky) to have you! :ghug3
Two things that occurred to me when reading this. 1. I went to Alanon for ME, and AA to get a better idea of how to get my bf there! .. but ultimately I realized that my true motive for going to AA was to gain a deeper understanding of alcoholism, the struggles that A's go through, and the things that they feel and how AA helps them. I want to see the whole picture from both sides, I think my understanding of alcoholism has helped me immensely in supporting my BF through his beginning stage of recovery. Not everyone is in a place (psychologically where they can, or want) to understand the other side.
And 2. Do you think that your being a "double winner," attending Alanon will allow or prompt you to look into yourself in ways that you never have? From hearing the other side? I imagine that could be one place that the fear of attending originates...
I know alanon would help me .... just like AA has helped, but in a different way. I still tend to hold on to resentments against my parents, even though I've worked through the 12 steps of AA. I just want to continue to grow in every possible way I can.
Also .... I think it would help me be a better AA sponsor. Anything that can help.
Also .... I think it would help me be a better AA sponsor. Anything that can help.
This has certainly been my experience. In fact, Al-Anon has helped me immensely with ALL of my relationships.
And to respond to your original question: at my first Al-Anon meeting I identified as an alcoholic. After the meeting, an Al-Anon old timer pulled me aside and gently let me know that, at that particular meeting, they requested that attendees not identify as members of or discuss any other 12 Step programs. The idea was to keep the focus firmly on Al-Anon. I was a little embarrassed, but it made sense.
So glad you are considering this. It is an awesome program, and such a great compliment to AA!
And to respond to your original question: at my first Al-Anon meeting I identified as an alcoholic. After the meeting, an Al-Anon old timer pulled me aside and gently let me know that, at that particular meeting, they requested that attendees not identify as members of or discuss any other 12 Step programs. The idea was to keep the focus firmly on Al-Anon. I was a little embarrassed, but it made sense.
So glad you are considering this. It is an awesome program, and such a great compliment to AA!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
I've only attended about 25 alanon meetings (which were in about 4 different locations) however I think from what I've seen that the alanon people are judgmental when they bring up the A's in their lives.
It is my experience that many have brought up the A's in their lives and the A's behaviors, and talked about how these behaviors affected them.
I have heard from others that the behaviors of the A's in their lives were not brought up at their alanon meetings.
Different experiences at different places...I'm sure this is also true of AA meetings.
So yes, if you mention you are an A, you might be judged by some others, probably new people who are really hurting at the time. Maybe you don't mention you are a double winner until the people there accept you as an alanon person first? Later, once accepted into the group, you could reveal that too.
It is my experience that many have brought up the A's in their lives and the A's behaviors, and talked about how these behaviors affected them.
I have heard from others that the behaviors of the A's in their lives were not brought up at their alanon meetings.
Different experiences at different places...I'm sure this is also true of AA meetings.
So yes, if you mention you are an A, you might be judged by some others, probably new people who are really hurting at the time. Maybe you don't mention you are a double winner until the people there accept you as an alanon person first? Later, once accepted into the group, you could reveal that too.
My meetings ask we keep the focus on this program and don't openly reveal if you are a member of another 12 step program..I really think you will love alanon..I have some double winner friends and they have said that AA saved their life but alanon taught them how to live..it's a really gentle program and basically just a good way to live..it saddens me that we have 3 meetings a week in my town while AA has several a day..where are all the family members and friends? If it's true that every addict/alcoholic effects 7 other people..you'd think at least a couple would show up for help..we should have MORE people than AA!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
It's a simple rule...
...anybody can attend an Alanon meeting who wants to do so. However, Alanon meetings are for sharing about Alanon issues, not AA issues or anything else. The focus in an Alanon meeting is Alanon-- people affected by somebody else's drinking.
It is not necessary, in any way, shape, or form to identify yourself as an alcoholic-- that's not what Alanon is about. There are many people in Alanon who are alcoholics. It's a non-issue.
So, if you share at the Alanon meeting you share about your issues related to why you are at an Alanon meeting, not your AA issues. Those are for AA. Just like an Alanon at an AA meeting shouldn't share about Alanon issues.
I hope this helps.
Cyranoak
It is not necessary, in any way, shape, or form to identify yourself as an alcoholic-- that's not what Alanon is about. There are many people in Alanon who are alcoholics. It's a non-issue.
So, if you share at the Alanon meeting you share about your issues related to why you are at an Alanon meeting, not your AA issues. Those are for AA. Just like an Alanon at an AA meeting shouldn't share about Alanon issues.
I hope this helps.
Cyranoak
There are several double winners in my Al-Anon homegroup.
One gentleman in particular has helped so very much understand alcoholism from both sides of the bottle - listening to his ESH in Al-Anon meetings (his partner is a recovering A) has been a lifesaver for me during the good and bad times with the A in my life. I could relate to what he went through when his partner relapsed, how he handled the beginning of her sobriety and all of those challenges -he did it with grace and humor and dignity.
It was during the non-Al-Anon times - coffee after an Al-anon meeting or when I went to an open AA meeting that I started to see what it was like from the A's perspective - when I would hear him sharing that again, helped me get as far as I am today.
If he mentions AA at an Al-Anon meeting, it will be in passing and always referred to as "the other program I'm in."
Part of our meeting opening states that while we may be members of other 12 step programs, while we are at an Al-Anon meeting, that is our sole focus. We all respect that and focus solely on Al-Anon during that hour.
One gentleman in particular has helped so very much understand alcoholism from both sides of the bottle - listening to his ESH in Al-Anon meetings (his partner is a recovering A) has been a lifesaver for me during the good and bad times with the A in my life. I could relate to what he went through when his partner relapsed, how he handled the beginning of her sobriety and all of those challenges -he did it with grace and humor and dignity.
It was during the non-Al-Anon times - coffee after an Al-anon meeting or when I went to an open AA meeting that I started to see what it was like from the A's perspective - when I would hear him sharing that again, helped me get as far as I am today.
If he mentions AA at an Al-Anon meeting, it will be in passing and always referred to as "the other program I'm in."
Part of our meeting opening states that while we may be members of other 12 step programs, while we are at an Al-Anon meeting, that is our sole focus. We all respect that and focus solely on Al-Anon during that hour.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 99
PaperDolls, I commend you for going to an Al-anon meeting to continue your growth. I've been attending the same Al-Anon meeting for about 4 years. The "double winners" always announce that fact proudly. At first I didn't know what to think since I have so much resentment and anger toward my AH, but after befriending a few of them and hearing their stories, I love having them in our meetings. They add a different perspective even if they are talking about alcoholics in their lives and other al-anon concerns during the meetings.
What a coincidence, I just got home from one of the best Al-Anon meetings so far, and there were 3 double winners tonight - all new. All dealing with the effects of someone else's drinking. One talked candidly about knowing only the person can seek sobriety for themselves, but this person couldn't make that connection to the loved one in their life. Said it was too hard - that it seemed like there was something, anything they could do to help this person. Another talked candidly about what its like to be an alcoholic and the cognitive dissonance they suffer, how much they hurt knowing they hurt others and seem powerless over that. It was really, very nice (kind of like when they jump over and post in our forum - the perspective is very welcome!)
So don't hesitate to go to Al-Anon. I thanked each one for coming tonight and hope they come back.
So don't hesitate to go to Al-Anon. I thanked each one for coming tonight and hope they come back.
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