Son post op, A is MIA. Please send me strength.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Son post op, A is MIA. Please send me strength.
My sons surgery went well, at first... We thought.
He has been home since Wednesday, but there are problems w the recovery and he has been having severe and pretty constant stomach pain since Friday.
I have appointments tomorrow for stomach pain, which is apparently unrelated to the surgery. He moans all night, waked up. Six yr old should not be in so much discomfort, with eye surgery recovery, and now stomach pain.
A came to surgery, managed to not throw a self centered drama, came home after, stayed the night.
He has not even seen son since then, just keeps calling and attacking. Me with venomous drama. His mom and dad have been helping, some. A is just concerned w whether the eye will "look normal".
So self centered. I am heartbroken over it. My son keeps asking for hiss daddy.
A has been playing pool at the bar... "not drinking, of course"... And he sees that as a triumph: that he was able to get thru the surgery w/o drinking.
I am so tired and worried and stressed over my childs discomfort.
Finally going NC out of self preservation.
He has been home since Wednesday, but there are problems w the recovery and he has been having severe and pretty constant stomach pain since Friday.
I have appointments tomorrow for stomach pain, which is apparently unrelated to the surgery. He moans all night, waked up. Six yr old should not be in so much discomfort, with eye surgery recovery, and now stomach pain.
A came to surgery, managed to not throw a self centered drama, came home after, stayed the night.
He has not even seen son since then, just keeps calling and attacking. Me with venomous drama. His mom and dad have been helping, some. A is just concerned w whether the eye will "look normal".
So self centered. I am heartbroken over it. My son keeps asking for hiss daddy.
A has been playing pool at the bar... "not drinking, of course"... And he sees that as a triumph: that he was able to get thru the surgery w/o drinking.
I am so tired and worried and stressed over my childs discomfort.
Finally going NC out of self preservation.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Poor little guy. Sending lots of love and healing to him and you to Buffalo.
I'm not a physician, but antibiotics can create intestinal issues, including cramping. Keep taking care of yourself.
I'm not a physician, but antibiotics can create intestinal issues, including cramping. Keep taking care of yourself.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
I am sorry he is putting his own sorry self first at a time like this.
NC is the best way to protect yourself and get the focus back on your son, where it belongs.
Funny coincidence: my son's surgery (age 8) was the last straw for me with AXH, too.
We had agreed on plan for the morning (I would take child to hospital at 4:45 a.m.; he was to stay with other 2 children until sitter arrived - 7:30 a.m.) then come to hospital.
He went out drinking night before, stayed out late, passed out, didn't wake up til sitter got there, showed up after 9 a.m. and said that he didn't get there as we'd agreed because my plan didn't make sense to him.
That was my bottom.
NC is the best way to protect yourself and get the focus back on your son, where it belongs.
Funny coincidence: my son's surgery (age 8) was the last straw for me with AXH, too.
We had agreed on plan for the morning (I would take child to hospital at 4:45 a.m.; he was to stay with other 2 children until sitter arrived - 7:30 a.m.) then come to hospital.
He went out drinking night before, stayed out late, passed out, didn't wake up til sitter got there, showed up after 9 a.m. and said that he didn't get there as we'd agreed because my plan didn't make sense to him.
That was my bottom.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Sending strength and healing to both you and your son. I support your decision to go no contact 100%. I suspect you'll find all kinds of your own strength from just that one decision. You can always re-asses that situation later but for now it will make it so much easier to focus on your son and yourself, which is so important right now. 
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
*prayers*
it may be something as simple as allergy to some part of medicine.
I get outrageous stomach problems
if I take codiene.
real codiene. Not synthetic.
Sending prayers of peace and strength to you and yourn!
it may be something as simple as allergy to some part of medicine.
I get outrageous stomach problems
if I take codiene.
real codiene. Not synthetic.
Sending prayers of peace and strength to you and yourn!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
He left a message on my phone:
he found an apartment, is sorry that I was unable to "be there for him"
this weekend when he broke down.
Apparently he missed work today, because of something that went wring for him last night.
His boss left me a message at 7am.
I did not call back.
Says he needs to come and get his things and wants to see son.
How do I do NC before getting him the rest of the way out of here?
I don't kno if he broke sobriety and drank last night or what.
he found an apartment, is sorry that I was unable to "be there for him"
this weekend when he broke down.
Apparently he missed work today, because of something that went wring for him last night.
His boss left me a message at 7am.
I did not call back.
Says he needs to come and get his things and wants to see son.
How do I do NC before getting him the rest of the way out of here?
I don't kno if he broke sobriety and drank last night or what.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Originally Posted by Buffalo66 
He left a message on my phone:
he found an apartment, is sorry that I was unable to "be there for him"
this weekend when he broke down
he found an apartment, is sorry that I was unable to "be there for him"
this weekend when he broke down
As far as going NC before he's out....
If you trust him to not take things you and your son need, you could tell him he has x hours on y day to come get his stuff and make plans to spend the day out. Or you could ask a friend to be there to monitor his moving out. Just keep it simple. This day, this time.
Hugs.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Buffalo66,
Sending healing thoughts for your little guy, and hopes that today will be a better day for him. I hope too that you will be able to focus on him, without the selfish drama of the A.
I think that uncertainty's idea sounds good. really good. Then it will be easier to keep nc, when he is gone. let him face his problems , mostly self caused, by his self.
hugs
chicory
Sending healing thoughts for your little guy, and hopes that today will be a better day for him. I hope too that you will be able to focus on him, without the selfish drama of the A.
I think that uncertainty's idea sounds good. really good. Then it will be easier to keep nc, when he is gone. let him face his problems , mostly self caused, by his self.
hugs
chicory
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
I don't think this is a good time for your son to watch his dad packing and leaving. Could you pack some things for him and leave them on the porch for him to pick up and tell him when son is stronger that he can come get the rest?
He's just trying to create drama to get the focus back on him and your son is very top priority right now... his "stuff" can wait.
As for visiting your son, I would have another relative in the house when he visits. It might temper the drama plus you have a witness if things get weird.
Are you still documenting everything?
Bless you. Try to keep calm. You'll get thru this.
He's just trying to create drama to get the focus back on him and your son is very top priority right now... his "stuff" can wait.
As for visiting your son, I would have another relative in the house when he visits. It might temper the drama plus you have a witness if things get weird.
Are you still documenting everything?
Bless you. Try to keep calm. You'll get thru this.
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